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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Caring for someone with dementia totally affected my marriage. The person I was caring for was my Husband so it was different then if I were taking care of a parent, in-law or other family member. From what I have read is many people equate "taking care" of someone as meaning they have to assume the sole role as caregiver. Taking care of someone means that you see to it that they are SAFE. that sort of encompasses a LOT. No one should put caring for someone before the vow that they took when they married. If you can not care for someone without it hurting your marriage then you make the decision to place them in a facility that can meet their care needs. Taking care of someone with dementia does NOT get easier, it gets harder and more time consuming. NEVER promise anyone that you will never put them in a "home" you have no idea what is going to happen in the future. The person you promise when they are well is not the same person you are going to be toileting, showering, changing bedding and feeding.
What I hope people learn as they read posts is you need to plan for your future. Do not expect your kids to care for you. If they want to help, great. but it is better if they can visit and spend time and not have to clean you, clean the bathroom, change your bedding and mow the lawn. See Elder Care Attorney. Get all your papers done. Select a POA for health that is FULLY aware of your wishes. Select a POA for finances that you trust. (and as I have recently learned chose someone younger as they will generally be the one that will be executor of the Will and that takes time and patience)
My friend is now divorced from a man she loves deeply mostly because she was taking care of her mother and father separately (they were divorced) at the same time/one after the other. Her husband felt neglected and had an affair and is with the new woman.
For our family, we all live together. I work from home and care for his mother. He works full time, too. When comes home we work together to get her out of bed, then he strips and makes the bed, while I get her showered and dressed, and then we help her back into bed.
I think it has drawn us closer together in some ways.
Oh boy. This is a touchy subject. And my parents were not even living with us in our home. Not even in the same state.
Over the course of the two and a half years that I cared for my parents, mainly for my dad, I believe my husband's main complaint was that I was spending too much time focusing on my parents and not on our marriage. When I was home (and not visiting my parents to care for them) I was still focused on my parents. When I was home, I was on the phone trying to calm my dad down due to his dementia agitation. Or trying to help the caregivers figure out a way to settle my mom's anxiety. Or sending messages to my parents' doctors on MyChart. Or calling Walgreens to make sure their prescriptions were filled. Or searching the web for items that might help my parents. Or searching the web trying to educate myself about dementia. Or back on the phone again to talk to my dad to tell him that no one had stolen his plane tickets (there were no plane tickets, there was no plane).
I admit, I was completely caught up in the caregiver role, even from afar, even when I was not hands on, in person.
But I felt a duty to my parents....and... I just assumed my husband would understand. We never discussed it.
But my husband saw how much it took a toll on me. I was burned out. I was preoccupied. I was worried. I was sad. And, my husband felt that my family was not appreciating all the hard work I was doing.
I joined a support group for dementia caregivers. I tried to take more breaks.
My dad passed in Sept and now it's just my mom, 92 w dementia and chronic kidney disease. She is only awake about 4 hours a day. Her agitation is nothing compared to my dad. My dad was so agitated, every day, for months, before Seroquel came to the rescue. But when he was the middle of it, my dad required almost constant attention. And I was "on call" when not with him.
I feel for those caregivers who have their loved ones living in the home with them. How difficult that must be! It is a distressing and stressful situation for everyone involved. There is no doubt about it. So many emotions involved.
One thing that has helped immensely...I gave my husband a book called Empathy, Why it Matters and How to Get It, by Roman Krznaric. I didn't even read it--I just typed in "books on empathy" and it came up.
My husband read it. And things have been better ever since. Plus, only having my mom to care for now, and her minimal needs (compared to my dad's) has made a difference. I didn't realize how involved I was when he was alive. But having time to reflect, I really was caught up in his care, and I thought of nothing else.
I invite you to read this Forum. You will see MANY who respond with the problems caregiving brings to a marriage.
At best, YOU yourself are changed and burdened with caregiving. It changes your relationship with the person you care for from "loving wife or daughter or son of hubby" to "caregiver", the most disliked person in the room. This change will tax you and that will change your relationship even if you have the best marriage in the world.
I wish you the very best. Now read the Forum. It may bring up some specific questions for you we can advise you on. Accept what helps and kick to the curb what doesn't. Good luck!
I was a caregiver for my late husband and thank God not either parent, but I do have to say that you married your husband not your mother and that he MUST come first. Period, end of sentence. If your marriage is struggling because you're giving too much time to your mother than it's time for plan B to be put in place so you can get back to making your marriage/husband the priority that it should be. And yes, that may include having your mother placed in the appropriate facility, where you can get back to just being her loving daughter and advocate and not her burned out caregiver. And if money is an issue you'll have to apply for Medicaid for her. If your mother was in her right mind she would never want you giving up your life for hers.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
From what I have read is many people equate "taking care" of someone as meaning they have to assume the sole role as caregiver.
Taking care of someone means that you see to it that they are SAFE. that sort of encompasses a LOT.
No one should put caring for someone before the vow that they took when they married.
If you can not care for someone without it hurting your marriage then you make the decision to place them in a facility that can meet their care needs.
Taking care of someone with dementia does NOT get easier, it gets harder and more time consuming.
NEVER promise anyone that you will never put them in a "home" you have no idea what is going to happen in the future. The person you promise when they are well is not the same person you are going to be toileting, showering, changing bedding and feeding.
What I hope people learn as they read posts is you need to plan for your future. Do not expect your kids to care for you. If they want to help, great. but it is better if they can visit and spend time and not have to clean you, clean the bathroom, change your bedding and mow the lawn.
See Elder Care Attorney. Get all your papers done. Select a POA for health that is FULLY aware of your wishes. Select a POA for finances that you trust. (and as I have recently learned chose someone younger as they will generally be the one that will be executor of the Will and that takes time and patience)
I work from home and care for his mother. He works full time, too. When comes home we work together to get her out of bed, then he strips and makes the bed, while I get her showered and dressed, and then we help her back into bed.
I think it has drawn us closer together in some ways.
Over the course of the two and a half years that I cared for my parents, mainly for my dad, I believe my husband's main complaint was that I was spending too much time focusing on my parents and not on our marriage. When I was home (and not visiting my parents to care for them) I was still focused on my parents. When I was home, I was on the phone trying to calm my dad down due to his dementia agitation. Or trying to help the caregivers figure out a way to settle my mom's anxiety. Or sending messages to my parents' doctors on MyChart. Or calling Walgreens to make sure their prescriptions were filled. Or searching the web for items that might help my parents. Or searching the web trying to educate myself about dementia. Or back on the phone again to talk to my dad to tell him that no one had stolen his plane tickets (there were no plane tickets, there was no plane).
I admit, I was completely caught up in the caregiver role, even from afar, even when I was not hands on, in person.
But I felt a duty to my parents....and... I just assumed my husband would understand. We never discussed it.
But my husband saw how much it took a toll on me. I was burned out. I was preoccupied. I was worried. I was sad. And, my husband felt that my family was not appreciating all the hard work I was doing.
I joined a support group for dementia caregivers. I tried to take more breaks.
My dad passed in Sept and now it's just my mom, 92 w dementia and chronic kidney disease. She is only awake about 4 hours a day. Her agitation is nothing compared to my dad. My dad was so agitated, every day, for months, before Seroquel came to the rescue. But when he was the middle of it, my dad required almost constant attention. And I was "on call" when not with him.
I feel for those caregivers who have their loved ones living in the home with them. How difficult that must be! It is a distressing and stressful situation for everyone involved. There is no doubt about it. So many emotions involved.
One thing that has helped immensely...I gave my husband a book called Empathy, Why it Matters and How to Get It, by Roman Krznaric. I didn't even read it--I just typed in "books on empathy" and it came up.
My husband read it. And things have been better ever since. Plus, only having my mom to care for now, and her minimal needs (compared to my dad's) has made a difference. I didn't realize how involved I was when he was alive. But having time to reflect, I really was caught up in his care, and I thought of nothing else.
At best, YOU yourself are changed and burdened with caregiving. It changes your relationship with the person you care for from "loving wife or daughter or son of hubby" to "caregiver", the most disliked person in the room. This change will tax you and that will change your relationship even if you have the best marriage in the world.
I wish you the very best. Now read the Forum. It may bring up some specific questions for you we can advise you on. Accept what helps and kick to the curb what doesn't. Good luck!
If your marriage is struggling because you're giving too much time to your mother than it's time for plan B to be put in place so you can get back to making your marriage/husband the priority that it should be. And yes, that may include having your mother placed in the appropriate facility, where you can get back to just being her loving daughter and advocate and not her burned out caregiver.
And if money is an issue you'll have to apply for Medicaid for her.
If your mother was in her right mind she would never want you giving up your life for hers.