He eats breakfast but nothing after that all day, says he is not hungry.

When I give him his medication he says it's not his so will not take it. I have found it inside paper towels, in books, all over.

His speech is very hard for me to understand and when I ask him to repeat what was just said he cannot remember. His speech is now low, soft and mumbled. Most times I say okay, yes or smile even though I have no idea what he is trying to tell me.

Will not bathe, shave or change clothes. Gets angry with me so I try to ignore as much as I can so to not get him upset. I cut his hair, even shaved him once but that's difficult for me and not a good job. He will not allow me in bathroom when I tell him he needs to bathe. Maybe I get him to do something about once a month.

He is also very weak but will not use a walker. Sleeps in chair off and on all day.

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Dennie, I see from your profile that your husband now has a mind of a 12 year old, thus one has to remember that he is now a child once again.

As we get older, our taste buds do not work as well, so food will tend to taste all the same. Except for sugary items. If hubby is allowed sugary food products then see if he will eat pie, or cupcakes, it's better then not eating at all. You can even try mixing his meds in ice cream.

When hubby was growing up, find out what night was bath night, and try to re-create the night. Maybe that will work. Otherwise, to some elders taking a shower is like going to the gym for a workout, it can be exhausting. Plus there is always that fear of falling, or feeling claustrophobic in the shower.

As for shaving, try having hubby use an electric razor. My very elderly Dad used one for many years. Guys like the sounds these razor's make :)
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Have you actually talked to Medicaid for LTC. The criteria is different when there is a "community" spouse. You will not be left impoverished.

I like examples because its easier for me to explain.

My GFs Dad needed LTC. He and wife had 60k in the bank plus SS and a pension. Medicaid split the 60k, 30k his, 30k hers. His 30k had to be spent down to the 2k my state allows. Not sure how much of his pension and SS was given to the NH for his care. But, the wife stayed in the home and had a car. It never looked to me that she was financially suffering.

One reason a friend of mine placed her husband in an AL was because she could not get away from him. She had her own health problems and needed to be able to rest after a hospital visit. Even with an aide to help keep him in the living room area, he would go down the hall and want to know what she was doing. The only respite she got was they slept in separate rooms. He would go to bed really early but be up by 5am.

The stress your under does not help your own health problems. Talk to a caseworker at Medicaid. You may find options.
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