Follow
Share

I tried to post this from my phone, then it shut down, so please forgive repeat if it did post. Mom is 90, lives in Florida- no dementia, no Alz. Has been a raging nasty narcissist all her life. 4 Bedroom pool home, loaded with 40 years of stuffing it full. Nocturnal, incontinent, obese, wheel chair or walker required- mean mouth, vile attitude, expert at manipulation and will twist anything to anyone at any time. No friends. Now that you got this part....here we go. She up and sold the house she lives in. Signed all papers w/o my knowledge. (only child- 1500 miles away) BY OWNER! Florida uses title companies, thank God. All she can see is $$$$$$$$$$! She has no money except for SS. which totals $1400 per mo. No savings-I have no HCP, POA- there is no will or Living will. She has a passing date of June 25th, 2018- she must vacate by 6-28-2018. Contractor coming for new owner on 7-2-2018, Stock starting to be delivered on 6-29-18. She will not pack, she has no place to go to. She will not hire anyone, she will not look for place to live. She has no $$ to do this either. We are talking my pocket! She is banking on her skills to manipulate and using age and figuring on twisting the new owners into doing everything on her time frame. She says nasty things like- "This is MY house til I am out this door". " I get what I want, you'll see-". I leave here on MY TERMS! I've warned her, there will be legal problems- she says she's 90 and no ones throwing her out. AND if there is a law suit, then it's MY PROBLEM! I've told her I can come down there and we are moving you out and finding a place for you there. She refuses. She said she will not let me in the door and will call the police if I try anything. With no PCP or POA I'm screwed! She sucked the new owners in but good. She comes across as the sweetest poor sick little ole lady, whose rotten daughter abandoned her. She told them my husband is a drunk- she told them my son is "nothing like them" ( he won't take her calls) and lets not get started on what she says about my daughter- too vulgar to type. The buyers told me the woman they met is not the woman they are now dealing with! They are stunned, scared and just horrified of what they have gotten themself into. Their son is autistic and the wife is a breast cancer patient, Thank God, doing well and almost done with it. They have no place to go soon either! They are legit, good honest people. I can not tell you the LIST of things she had them do for her already. She is playing with these people! She knows what she is going, she even says so out loud! They have finally figured it out and are sick to their stomachs as well and have turned to me for help. She got all of us but good this time- I could type until the world ran out of time telling stories of the crap this woman has rained down upon this earth and anyone who direction she looks in. Everyone is a moving target. Please anyone out there....help, suggest, anything you got. I have no legal standing, I am sick to my stomach ( nothing stays in or down) Im up and down all night- my brain is bouncing. She has pulled her best stunt ever-this woman is 90! If I say to her where are you going to live, I get nasty answers- shut up, what do you care. She will not look for housing, she will not pack. She will not allow me to get movers, she will not allow me to get housing. She is however, trying to force me into taking her to Mass. and live with me. She told me to close my business- she expect my full time and attention. This will not happen, but how do I get her out of that house! Where do I put her when I do? You have no idea what a maniac she is and the ends she will go to- the nightmares she has caused, and these arent cheap either! Just to let you know one...she had a roof put on her house. NO WARNING she was doing this.... The guy trusted the sweet lil ole lady, the day they came to do the roof- she said I was out of town over night and forgot to leave the check for deposit. He did the roof, my phone rang and I went 10K in debt on cr card. THE CONTRACT WAS IN MY NAME. She used my name!!! I could have left this guy in a lerch, but I wont do that. He did a good job, inspectors passed it, place was left immaculate and he was well known and does excellent work w/o complaints. Im still paying at 27%! So ya, this is her grand finally- please help.

Find Care & Housing
I read your first three sentences.

You have no POA and are not guardian.

Your mom is technically compentent.

She's made her own bed. Let her sleep in it.

She calls for help? Tell her that she needs to call the State Eldercare hotline.

This is SO NOT your issue.

Walk away
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn
Report

Hi Everyone- Let me first start of with a hug and kiss to all of you who jumped in. I HEAR YOU! I wont take your advice for granted. Truth be told, I agree- ugh....does this make me sick. I wanted to be sure there was something I wasnt aware of to get thru this. I have found the people on this site to be the most honest bunch! ANd boy,l thank, this thread also took me from a dark place thinking I was the problem. So any advice I get here, I take as solid.

Gotta clear up a couple of things: 1. New buys are on the level, totally. She asked her price, they offered 14K less than asking and she accepted offer, back 6 - 7- maybe 8 weeks ago. I just do know for sure. There is no broker, for sale by owner. What the hell does she know about selling property!
Never knew a dammmmmmmmm thing, until she called and said, I sold the house.
Dam near went thru the floor. Given her twisting everything I was NOT 100% sure if it was a saga about to happen or what....few days later, I get this call from the buyers, as she gave them my number. I was stunned.
They have paid for everything, all inspections, etc....a/c needed work, they paid at no cost to her, pool need work, they paid, no cost to her...all this crap before I even knew about the sale, never mind the buyer call!!!!
They are honest people, poor bastards, she got'em. Thats why, I feel so bad. My name is not on her house, deed or even the mailbox! I have no HCP, POA nothing.

The roofer: The guy who came to the house is one guy, the guy who runs the crew is another, so I found out. When she called, she gave them my name- the estimate and then contract was in my name. They thought it was her name. Someone goofed when permit was issued. Same last name, different 1st names. When they came to start, she did the sweet ole lady thing and said daughter was away over night, no check and the guy went ahead. I ended up talking for a long time on the phone to the owner. He said in 21 years he never ever had anything like this happen to him. They just called her Mrs XXX and never used her first name. But mine, she gave them, for estimate and contract.

The reason its 27% is the cr card offer was up in 1 yr and despite any plans I had, I couldn't pay it off. NOT being like her, I honored a bunch of guys hard work, good work and paid the bill. Secondly, my husband was a roofer and framer, until 1994 when he fell 3 stories and crushed his spine.....he has been ssdi since mid 1995. So ya, probably, knowing what that work is like, never mind August in Florida heat..it hit a soft spot with me- more than likely.
I dont want her in my home, ok, Ill be honest- my life. I want and need to cut the tires...You are all right. I wont dis respect your answers....kinda like having a room full of people yell WALK AWAY all at once. lolol...its a good thing.

Reading the threads tonight, Im thinking, they are right, I can do this...and for just a second, the thought of freedom...ahhhhhhhh.
I really care for the poor bastards she screwed. I expect them to cancel sale, get a lawyer and the law suits will fly, then the lien...with my luck she dies considering her age- in the middle of a mess- and somehow Ill end up with the paper work and a bill. I have called a couple for Fla attys...apparently they are NOT too good at returning calls, as its been a few days since the "news" of sale and her running her mouth about leaving when dam well ready.

There will be Im sure, a huge explosion on the day of the passing, when she will pull some stunt...I expect thats the day the bucket of crap, gets put in front of a fan! lololol

Last, and this is a thing that keeps me up at night, she has, and probably will do again, shown up at my door, un announced- bag and baggage. She done this several times. She is a professional holiday ruin-er.

I have not talked to her in a few days- to you guys that might seem ok- good, but in reality quiet and mom are not 2 things that go together well at all. It means she is too busy being up to something to want to rant at me. Just like a quiet 2 year old, not in your sight....YOU KNOW thats NOT GOOD!
I do believe in God, I have listened and prayed for strength, guidance, wisdom, and the ability to hold my ground without cracking. Im not like her, I give a dam, I laugh, I volunteer, donate, oh hell Im a foster mother for dogs and cats- I take the most severely battered and abuse, My Vet calls my house, Noah's OTHER boat! I have kennel help, not a housekeeper! lololol! And when they find their homes, we all stay in touch... Live while I am alive! I just need to hang in there til the door opens enough to see the light and get thru this.

Ill keep you all posted. I thank you for your time and honestly. Hugs to all of you!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to struggling1
Report

97yearoldmom, you're right about the buyers should be handling this not struggling1.
Struggling1, nix that recommendation on my part that you should help out buyers with
this problem. It's not yours to have to deal with.

Get attorney yesterday. I wouldn't even move her, just give her contacts of moving
companies. They can deal with all her stuff and store whatever won't fit if need be.

My dad is very narcissistic, but he is thankfully not verbally abusive (head games tho)
Nevertheless, going through his hoarded stuff was insanely stressful because I had
only a few days, zero help, and he wanted to keep everything. I had to pull several
all nighters to get it done. I aged terribly through all the stress of moving him
several times, dealing with all the stuff, health crises, etc. And he was too ill to cause
any trouble other than to protest feebly that he wanted to keep everything. A cake
walk in comparison to what you're dealing with.

There is absolutely no way I could have done that with abusive person there in the mix.
No way. If you don't protect yourself you could run the real risk of suffering a stroke
or heart attack from all the stress. Please protect yourself!!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to bettina
Report

First, what has changed and how have you implemented answers to your first question on this issue?

(See: https://www.agingcare.com/questions/mom-moving-i-need-ideas-438611.htm)

Second, the story about the roofer doesn't make sense to me. Why in the world would you have added her name or given her access to your credit card?

If she really did forge your name to a contract, you're not obligated to pay the debt. You can't complain about her behavior when you're enabling her, and paying for a roof under an alleged forged contract is certainly not standing your ground.

And you're paying off the debt at 27%? What kind of card do you have that charges that kind of interest rate? Do you have bad credit?

I still would be curious what advice you took from the several people who responded to your earlier post announcing your mother had sold the house and was moving, and why, given your description of her behavior, you even feel any obligation to BE involved.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to GardenArtist
Report

FF
I missed the part where the house is in daughters name. I don’t think she said that? Mom put the roof contract in struggling1 name. Not the sales contract is how I read it. 

But my thought is to get a lawyer, file a lien on the property for the roof, send a copy to the title company.

Struggling1. You are not responsible for the roof. This should have all stopped right there if this is the first you knew of it. You say you wouldn’t do that to the roofer. He did it to himself.
You are not the caretaker of the roofer or the new buyers or your mother. These aren’t underage children for which you might be responsible.

Yes there are sharks out there and your mom may be one but that’s not your fault or responsibility.

You had better wake up. She will be suing you if you don’t handle things properly.

Does she know where you live? What are you going to do if she shows up with a moving truck on your door step?

Tell the buyers to seek legal counsel. To go to the title company for advice. Don’t give them false hope that you can control your mother. You are a patsy for her as demonstrated be the roof incident. You better start seeing $$$$$$$$$ that she is going to cost you and possibly by default your children.

And about the buyers, did they think they were getting a deal too good to pass up? Was the purchase price FMV? Is this a cash deal or are the buyers applying for a loan? The new lender might help stop the deal if one is involved. Closings sometimes fall through at the last minute. Can’t verify employment, etc. That’s the best bet for this one. If mom is truly competent she will understand when she has been beaten at her game but you need it to be for real and not a bluff.

You seemed to have positioned yourself where you are trying to help the buyers get the house instead of stopping the sale. The buyers must have recourse for walking away. That’s their best bet. They need to turn the tables on her. Telling her something like “The house is empty for an inspection before we close on thus and such date or we walk away.” Then you be ready to say I will move you to this IL or ALF but that’s it. I don’t think I would move her at all without legal documents in place that can’t be revoked.

Of course any contingencies should have been written into the contract.

I agree with the idea of notifying all agencies. I’m sure this has happened before to someone who knows the script.

Stop letting her run your life. Get an attorney. File a lien. Let the buyers know they are on their own. This should clear their heads to see that they need to stop blaming others and look for alternate housing.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to 97yroldmom
Report

struggling1, has the Contract for Sale gone through the Title company yet? Sounds like it hasn't otherwise the Title company would have found your mother's name on the Title for that house back when Mom bought it. Then everything will come to a stand still as there is no paperwork at the Court House where your Mom had sold the house to someone else and that person is now selling it... fortunately Mom choose your name as the owner.

The closing Attorney could write an amendment changing the name on the Contract to your mother's name, that would solve that issue.

Wonder if Mom had also changed the Deed to your name. Gosh, would all the equity come to you then :))

If your Mom doesn't move, then she can be sued for non-performance. And there could be a domino effect where the young couple buying the house has sold their home and have planned to move in on the day of settlement. Mom could be required to pay for their storage fees and hotel room. And Mom would be required to pay "rent" which would be equal to the monthly mortgage obtained by the Buyers.

Your Mom can finger out what to do and where to move on her own. She's been pretty very clever with her unethical dealings on the house.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to freqflyer
Report

OMG! Stay very far away from your mother. You can't fix this mess. For the sake of your sanity do not get conned into moving her in with you. Let the situation of her own making play out however it does. Let the authorities in Florida deal with her. Only after this has concluded maybe resume contact, but only if you choose to do so. The woman is a hazard to your health.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to paperlady
Report

Contact a lawyer to protect yourself against any more fraud. If Florida is a one party
state, meaning only one person has to give consent, record her true intentions to
commit fraud. Tell the new owners your plans to get help from outside agencies to get
her moved.

Walk away from her completely. She might be your flesh and blood, but she is definitely
not your mother. Like others have suggested get APS, social services involved to get her
moved. Then walk away and don't look back. Consider getting a private mailbox and another phone number. Make yourself scare. Good luck!! Sounds like my mother and
I ended up cutting ties completely. Didn't regret it for a minute. People with PD's are
determined to drown others to save themselves. And.they.will.drown.you.

Very best of luck!!!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to bettina
Report

By the way, her putting your name on contracts you didn't know about or sign is fraud.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to cmfdavis
Report

I am so sorry for you and will be praying. I hate to agree with those that say you need to leave her to her own devices and let her be evicted, but I have to agree. There is only so much you can do and she has turned down your loving, good advice. I am so sorry for you and your family, but there is nothing you can do.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to cmfdavis
Report

How can a contractor except your name without your signature? Good idea about a consult with a lawyer. Maybe you could put an ad in the local papers down there that you are not responsible for debts incurred by your mother. That 10K, call the realtor and tell him you r owed that money. The contractor can back you up that Mom did it without your permission. Actually, I think the contractor should have called you before doing the work.

What ur Mom has done is passive agressive behavior. She goes ahead and does what she wants, and then expects you to fix it. I would think the couple could get out of the contract under the circumstances. They really need to find out their options in the state of Fla. Maybe Mom will have to literally be taken from the premises and put in NH. Let the state of Fla be her guardian. Or, the couple will not buy the house. Hopefully all the local realtors will blacklist Mom.

I know it sounds cruel, but Mom made this problem not you. She needs to know consequences for her action even at 90.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

Long past time you stopped being her doormat. Block her number and take no further calls from her. You aren’t responsible in any way for the messes she creates and there’s no reason to subject yourself to the rants and abuse. It’s not good for your health or your family, both of which need to be your priority. The buyers will have to figure this out on their own, and they will. Please don’t continue to make it your problem. I truly hope for your health you’ll stop participating in the madness
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

Unfortunately, your Mom made her bed...or rather...She UNMADE her bed by selling her house out from under herself. DO NOT RESCUE HER!

If there is a law suit, it is NOT your PROBLEM--it is YOUR MOM's problem!

Thank GOD that "They have finally figured it out and are sick to their stomachs as well and have turned to me for help." What kind of help do the new buyers expect from you? What kind of help do you think that you can offer since your Mom is so aggressively hostile towards you? OH, The poor people :( How sad that your Mom got them involved in HER DRAMA.

Your MOM CANNOT FORCE YOU TO DO ANYTHING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO DO! YOU are the one who will make the decision whether you want to move her to Mass. and have her live with you. YOU ARE AN ADULT!! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO WHAT YOUR MOTHER TELLS YOU TO DO.
{Now your Mother is making ME angry!! --I am angry and afraid that you will "cave in" to your Mom's demands and then regret it the rest of your life.

Since your Mom has a tendency to put YOUR NAME on things like having a new roof put on and other expenses, I think that you need to talk to a lawyer about how to protect yourself from further financial abuse. Unfortunately, you may have to sever ALL TIES with your Mom and let her look after herself in order to protect your own financial assets.

PLEASE DO NOT pay for anything that your Mom puts in your name that you do not know about. I know that you feel sorry for the person that needs to get paid, but you are ENABLING your Mom--just like people who ENABLE alcoholics. Instead of getting a beer for the alcoholic who loves to drink, you are getting CASH for the "Spendthrift" who enjoys throwing away money.

Go down and visit your Mom, BUT DO NOT get super involved in the housing problem. Maybe contact the local HOADERS Group since your Mom's house is "loaded with 40 years of stuffing". Your Mom needs a PSYCHIATRIC INTERVENTION and that is something that you can not do on your own.

QUIT trying to fix your Mom's problems. Why try to help her find a place to live if "She said she will not let me in the door and will call the police if I try anything." LET HER CALL THE POLICE! Maybe they will call Adult Protective Services or some other agency to help her. BUT YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE THAT HELP. You are her daughter and you should act only as a daughter and not as the only rescuer. It is going to take a village to rescue your Mom and you need to let the village help.

May God give your HIS strength and HIS wisdom as you walk though these days of trouble. Let HIM lead you in all decisions so that whatever you decide will be for the best for your Mom and for yourself. GOD BLESS!
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to DeeAnna
Report

I'm not a huge fan of getting agencies, etc involved when not needed, but I'm thinking you should place a call to Adult Protective Services and discuss the possible "homeless" situation your mom will face in a few weeks and advise them of the events which led up to that. You might not like what you hear, but they will have some sort of advice. In my area, a person gets evicted and their belongings placed outside the house for the trash collectors. Done. Better to take some action before that, but some people just don't (or can't). One more thing - please don't bring her to live with you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to OverTheEdge17
Report

Don't do anything. I'm sorry for the purchasers but you shouldn't do anything. Let her get evicted by the cops and have them call Adult Protective Services. This actually isn't your problem unless you take it on. Don't do it. Get some supportive counseling for yourself.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to vegaslady
Report

Walk away. She is mean to you and is trying to guilt trip you into taking her to Mass with you. It was her decision to sell the house with no where to go, let her deal with it. As long as she knows you're going to be there for her, she will not change.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to shad250
Report