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Her trust states that when she can no longer care for herself, my brother and I have joint DPOA. She is still driving, taking care of her banking account, etc. We are noticing changes in her appearance, house keeping, etc. She has began driving to her bank (15 miles away) each day getting a print out of her account. We are afraid that she will be the next "silver alert". She lives two hours from me. My question--The attorney who wrote her trust has passed away. Is there an advantage to getting an attorney in the county she lives in verses one two or three hours away? Would it save us money? We live in Oklahoma. I know she will probably not sign the POA over. In that case it states that her doctor and attorney will make the decision. I dread this knowing that trying to get poa and taking the driving away plus making her move in or close to one of us is a triple threat to her independence. Does anyone have an idea on how you go about this and not be the "bad guy"? Do you ask the doctor to do it for you (if he agrees)? Her excuse for not moving close to one of us is that her house has not sold, (it has been on the market 2 years). She has it overpriced by (100000.00), another example of poor judgement. I have began to see a little paranoia as far as my brother and I are concerned. When we have ask her to move closer she sometimes replies "your just want to put me in the nursing home and take my money". I guess that is why I tend to think if someone else tells her she has to move she won't be as likely to think that we don't have her best interest at heart. Am I correct in saying that our first step in this process is to find an attorney and
discuss this before we approach her?

Thanks!

Marilyn

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whitebmwa ,

Check out these AgingCare articles about ways to get POA/ guardianship. This might help you decide what steps to take to get Power of Attorney or guardianship of your mom.

How to Get Power of Attorney Ready Before Aging Parents Get Sick
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/Can-children-fight-for-power-of-attorney-for-aging-parents-134109.htm

How to Get Guardianship of an Elderly Parent
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-get-guardianship-of-elderly-parents-140693.htm

Hope this helps,
Karie H.
Agingcare.com Team
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Talk to her doctor. I have POA.....sometimes I call it POW. My siblings are listed on it, as is the case with you, but I am the primary. If you can't communicate with the doc, then a lawyer is the next best.
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The trust states that we can serve jointly or singularly. My brother lives over an hour away. We have not spoke to her doctor. I thought we should possibly speak to an attorney first. Thanks for you comments!
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Beware of joint POA, that means BOTH signatures are required for any medical or financial decisions.Does your brother live near your mother? It's so difficult to be a long distance caregiver. Since your mom has to agree to one of you being the POA an attorney in her area would probably be best. It's hard for our parents to live the home they have lived in most of their lives. The drugs she takes for Alzheimer's can only slow down the dementia, not cure it. Dementia can be rapid in it's progress. Have you talked to her doctor? Good luck!
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