It's my first day alone after my mom passed away. Now what?

Tatoochick,
I'm so sorry about the loss of your Mother.You have been through a lot caring for her,I know.Give yourself a break and just go with how you feel for now.It takes awhile for the brain to "gel" all that's happened.Wishing you peace in your days ahead.{{{hugs}},Lu

Yes, this is way too soon to figure out how to get back to living your own life. That will come gradually, over the coming months. And it won't be a matter of getting back to normal ... it will be building a new normal.

Be gentle with yourself. Don't expect overnight miracles. Healing takes time.

You did your absolute best to take care of your mother. Now it is time to take care of you.

Sorry to hear of your loss and your plight. I would suggest not making any major decisions at the present time for a while. Be kind to yourself.

Tattoo, I am sorry for your loss, it is very fresh. My mom passed June 1. I know where you are. I provided four years mom's care until two years ago when I just couldn't/wouldn't do it any longer. Just the start of recovering from the caring for her took me seven months to begin to feel normal.

Tattoo, just take your time, do what you can do, when you want to do it. It definitely takes time, and is different for everyone.

Again, my condolences on the loss of your mom.

Seriously. How much I despise my existence sometimes. The total servitude I endure. I'm not sure. If she dies before I do, which sometimes I really doubt. Because she's in la la land and I'm not, providing for la la land and slowly killing my will to be me , long drawn out sentence , but will I miss my beautiful mother bringing cup cakes in to my first grade birth day party. ? Absolutely yes. I think I'll remember the good times. The great times. At least I hope so

I lost my mom about 16 months ago. It's just starting to feel normal.
To some extent you're in shock. Try to be gentle with yourself. Eat healthy food, try to walk some every day, get as much sleep as you can. It will take a while. Stay close to the people who mean the most to you.

Tattoo you are in shock right now. I would just sit with it............don't make any plans.

Show yourself some love................a lot of love. You deserve it.
I'm so sorry for your loss.

My dad died. Very unexpectedly I was 27. He was 54. Heart attack. Many years ago now. I was numb. Sad. I took over his moms care with pleasure. She loved me and I loved her. Saddest memory in my life is driving her to a grocery shop and blue Christmas comes on and she sobs.

People already said what my first thought was. So sorry to hear that this week you had this life event occur. 3 days is not enough, nor is 5 days or 3 weeks. I think you should expect 2 months for all you have likely been through this year just to get your bearings. Set some goals. Build a schedule that works for you this month. Make sure you sleep 7-9 hours daily. Make sure you eat breakfast within 1-2 hours of finally deciding to start your day; rounded breakfast take some daily breaks like 15-30 minutes in the day just to recharge for what needs to get done. Stay focused on what you can get done today, and just one day at a time and sticking to good schedule that is healthy makes a great impact. Take some walks twice a day. Play solitaire. Listen to music. Find peace and stay engaged but do not overdo it. Easily to get pulled into other people's schedule. Define your schedule. Housework, smart move. Focus on things that will improve your day. Many of us have been there. Spend a few hours a day doing things you like to do that can ease your pain or loss. Cooking something you haven't cooked in awhile. Learn a new hobby. But you have a lot going on this month, so get through that first but keep good ideas in mind. Best of luck and sorry for your loss.

Tattoo
So sorry for the toll the journey has taken but you can rest knowing you were mom's hero and you didn't fail her

God bless

I am sorry for the loss of your mom. Give yourself time to unwind and if possible try not to think too much. Save your energy for the service and funeral. It's emotionally exhausting. You'll get through - although you feel like you're in a fog and just going on autopilot.
You will cope with all your fears re: your life & job, etc soon enough. Let yourself grieve.
It certainly was a whirlwind for you and your mother the past few weeks. Things happen for a reason - to make us stronger, to develop more patience and empathy and build our character. 
Thank goodness you were there to take such good care of your mother! That in itself is an honor- you took care of business...
You completed one of the most humble and loving "jobs" you could ever have done- you did what needed to be done for your mother and was there for her until the end. "Job" is not the correct word, perhaps "labor of love" is a better choice of words. 
Life will figure itself out when you've processed this, while you adjust to your "new normal" and then be able to focus back on your career and succeed. 
My sympathy is with you at this difficult time.

If you are like me, it is fine to get sympathy...but practical advice is better.

My Mom passed away last month. I have kept busy. Evenings are the hardest. Take on a project you have been wanting I get to.

My sympathy goes to you. Time is the only cure for heartache.

So sorry for your loss, TattooChick.

Tattoochick, so sorry to hear that your Mom has passed. It's early days yet, so give yourself time to grieve. Some people feel better jumping right back into their lives and their job, helps them to cope, and others get buried in their grief and cannot face anyone else for a time, but only you know what will work best for you.

When our Dad died (I'm one of 6, and thankfully we all got along and were all heavily involved in our parents care), we jumped right into the funeral planning, divying up the nessesary tasks that needed to be accomplished, as well as continue caring for our Mom, who was right in the middle of 33 straight days Radiation therapy for Cancer, and without stopping to get it all done, our Dad was buried 3 days later, in a beautiful Memorial Service.

Then 14 months later (and of course the planning process still fresh in our minds) when our Mom died, we decided to slow the roll, let ourselves have a full days break/rest to actually breathe and feel our loss, before the planning of her funeral/Memorial service was initiated. It made all the difference in the world, not rushing ourselves sick.

I hope that you haven't been so overwhelmed, as it is exhausting, just coming off of all that caregiving, and jumping right into funeral planning, and that you have had some outside help, giving your Mom the send off, that she and you, would have wanted.

God bless, and remember to take care of you! So sorry for your loss! Stacey B

Thanks everyone. Hanging in there, trying to keep myself busy. Mom actually had everything arranged for her funeral, I just had to sign some paperwork. The service will by July 20th. ( She wanted to be cremated, that takes time her in FL). Just strange as I saw her almost every day.

I just don't have words. Things just can't be peaceful. So very complicated story but my mom had a friend/roomate years ago. This person took advantage of my mom and very short version she got my mom's house.

Now she has heard my mom has passed and has called the executor of the estate claiming to have paperwork from a lawyer drawn up years ago that says she is due money from my mom's estate. Seriously, can't I even mourn for my mom, it has only been a week.

She got ownership of a house she never paid out any money for then sold with in months of getting the deed. Now I have to give her more. What!

I am tired A**H*LES

I'm so sorry Tatto! Just NOT what you need right now in your life.

I'm not quite sure why the executor needed to share that information with you right now. Is it any comfort to think that if you're not the executor you shouldn't need to have any direct interaction at all with this ghoulish pondlife person? Vile.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Tattoochick. Go into the basement or out into your backyard and throw things. Then try to get a good night's sleep. Hugs.

Tonight I choose a good bottle of wine and sleep. Sigh

I'm sorry Tattochicik for your loss and I'm really confused. Did your mom give this person the deed to her house. ? Do you have the legal papers to prove or dis prove this?

TatooChick,
Yes, I agree...A**H*LES!!!!

Can you drink 1/2 bottle, save the rest for when you abruptly awake at 3:00 a.m.?
This will all be sorted out later. Don't take the information (or mis-information) into your heart at this time. I don't know how to do that, but it sounded like good advice?

Be at peace with yourself now.

They squirm out of the woodwork, don't they. So sorry. Did mom change her will from the date that is on the one this creatin has?

@Erinm60 - This was a few years ago, my mom purchased a small home and for some reason (I did not know until their falling out) placed both her name and this woman's name on the deed at time of purchase. Also my mom had purchased a piece of land on the water that she wanted to build a home on. She again placed this woman's name on the deed at time of purchase.

My mom and this woman had been friends for years and decided to do a golden girl thing and live and share expenses. Well that did not happen and my mom seemed to pay for everything. Whenever I asked, mom told me not to worry about it.

A few years went by, they had an argument, mom would not tell me about what. Well mom demanded this woman move out, the woman said no my name is on the house so you can't throw me out. Lawyers got involved, this is when I found out what mom had done. Basically it was decided my mom would sign over the house to her and the woman would sign over the water front property to mom. Mom would build a new house. The other choice was to sell both and split the money.

Now this woman claims my mom sign some other paper saying she gets money from her estate at her passing.

I just want to cry, I don't know how people can be like this. She just took advance of my mom.

@gladimhere - The will and trust paper I have and the executor have are from like 2007, this paper this woman says she has is from 3 years ago. My mom's executor or I knew nothing about this. Honestly 3 years ago is when they had the falling out and all the crazy stuff with the house happened so I don't know. I just have to wait to see this paperwork.

Maybe a forgery, or signed under duress? Did mom have dementia? Could be undue influence. She may have just opened a can of worms that would have stayed better sealed.

I'm so sorry. On the house, push it aside. That problem is not going anywhere, but right now, you have bigger issues, and duty and obligation, and grief and love and everything that is wrapped up with funerals (and personally, when I lost my mother from breast cancer, I was grateful to be buried in Details.) So....grieve, hug, do housework, and take care of the final tasks you need to do for your mom. Then sleep. Then pick up your sword and shield and take this a&&h&&& on.

Thank you for explaining Tatoo chick. I hope you can rest tonight. Sorry again for the loss of your mom. People can be complete idiots.

I just lost my mother July 9th. I feel the same as you. After 5 years of caring for her while struggling with dementia, I feel more exhausted now than I did while caring for her. I think it is all of the physical and emotional demands finally catching up to me. Just give it time and take care of yourself. We as caretakers often take care of others better than we do ourselves. Give yourself the same care and respect that you gave your mother. I am sorry for the loss of your mother.

@jenniferq Thank you and I am sorry for your loss.

Hi, things are slow moving in life, but did receive a bit of good news. The "friend" who was saying she was owed money from mom's estate is out of luck. She did have a document that had been draw up by a lawyer a few years ago. It stated that she was the beneficiary to a specific bank account upon my mom's passing. Well that account happened to be closed about 2 years ago. The lawyer says she has no claim to anything. Good news, and some stress gone.