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My mom and cousin hired this company three years ago. My mom has dementia and was not speaking to me at the time. I live 1800 miles away. Fast forward to November of 2019. She calls me and begs for my help. Her short term memory is gone and I could hear the fear in her voice. I told her I would help her. The first thing I did was fire that company. They knew how bad my mom was and they had my POA for financial and medical on file yet they would not communicate with me. I got no updates, schedules or invoices. The director was rude, condescending, and unprofessional from the get go. My mom kept complaining about items missing and caregivers not showing up or showing up and doing nothing. I was not allowed to talk to a caregiver at anytime unless I called her when she was with my mom. In November my cousin emailed me a years worth of schedules and invoices. Wow. What a wake up call. So many discrepancies, schedule changes, charges on my moms debit card that were fraudulent. I could go on and on. Many concerns are under investigation. It has taken me a month to figure it all out. They sent me an invoice for $650. After all my mom has been through with this company and all the BS I have had to deal with trying to manage her care, I have written a letter with dates, charges, discrepancies, schedule changes, etc. they will not answer my questions. They are sending my mom nasty letters to pay up knowing full well I pay her bills. She doesn’t have enough cognitive ability. She has been ripped off for far more than her final bill. I have written a letter laying out all the fraud, scheduling issues, etc. I am deciding whether to tell them I am not going to pay them for the reasons I just stated. My mom and I have excellent credit and I have never defaulted on any bill or loan. I don’t think they deserve anymore money from my mom. If they’d send it to collections, so be it. Has anyone ever been in this situation. What did you do?

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So who's looking after your mother now?

Was it your cousin who was managing your mother's contract with this care provider?
During those three years, did you communicate with them?

You don't think they deserve any more money from your mother... but "deserve" doesn't come into it. It's a matter of contractual obligations, and possibly money laid out on legitimate expenses. Who's investigating the suspected fraudulent transactions?

The agency writes to its client. Its client is your mother. Yes, they know that her finances are managed by the person with POA for her but nonetheless your mother is their client and it is correct business practice to address correspondence to her. If the letters are distressing to your mother, perhaps you can prevent them from reaching her - send them a change of address advice giving your mother's name, care of yourself, at your address; or, if your mother agrees, you could have all of your mother's mail redirected to your address and only forward nice letters on to her.

What event led up to your mother's crisis phone call?

This puzzles me a bit: you say you could only speak to individual caregivers while they were present in your mother's home with your mother. Well, yes. When else? To explain my puzzlement: no worker is allowed to have contact with clients outside scheduled hours or without the supervisor's knowledge. You can't have workers having undocumented conversations or visits with family members or clients. It is difficult enough keeping records without workers calling family members privately, or vice versa. And then suppose... you have a worker who is well known to a vulnerable adult, and the adult likes the worker. On the pretext that she is just making a friendly call, or that a family member asked her to pop in and check, the worker shows up at the adult's home one evening and of course is invited in - without anyone's knowledge, any record of the visit, or any idea of what the worker is up to while in the vulnerable person's home. Shudder!

And there are data protection issues, too. The agency can't give their workers' personal details out, and workers ought not to access clients' information except for directly work-related use.

But of course it is also true that agencies don't particularly want their workers rung up in the middle of a busy shift to be given an earful by an angry family member. It doesn't tend to help.

There is a lot of poor practice around, sadly, and I am sympathetic to your dissatisfactions, and it was foolish of the director not to receive your complaint constructively and address it immediately. Only do bear in mind that the agency seems to have been dealing for three years with a client with dementia - ?and a half-in, half-out cousin? - and were probably doing their best in difficult circumstances. If your mother has been the victim of theft of course you must take it further, but don't withhold from the agency any money she does actually owe them.
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Vdubgirl Feb 2020
Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I hired a new company whose caregiver leaves a detailed account every day she is with my mom. It’s a website I can log into. It’s the complete opposite of the previous company.

My cousin never wanted to be involved but constantly interjected himself whenever he felt like it. He picked the company but my mom signed the contract. He set up the ACH transactions for payment. I monitor all my moms financial matters now. I didn’t when they hired this company. He lives five hours away. He’s the type that appears to be “doing” for my mom but he makes bad choices for her. She thinks he’s awesome so I don’t say much. He thinks she doesn’t have dementia even though she has been officially diagnosed.

I tried from the very beginning to work with the director (my mom did not like her) but I needed her in my corner. I would talk to her or send emails about concerns yet she seemed disinterested. She had no credentials but claimed she was an expert on dementia. SMH.

Nothing was ever documented regarding schedule changes and no one was notified even though I asked to be. My mom would get upset about something and call the office and tell them not to talk to me so they stopped communicating with me. The next week she’d call and berate them and tell them they were fired. The director would call me and complain. This went on for months. The director told me my POA meant nothing if my mom could make decisions. Problem was my mom was getting more emotional and paranoid by the week. All this time my cousin was working against me. I won’t go into all of that but it took its toll on me and my family. I set boundaries and stepped away for four months.

When my mom called me for help I wasn’t sure what to do. She was saying checks, debit cards were missing. Several missing items from her condo haven’t been found and my cousin would tell her to look under her bed. I believed her. I visited this past December for 10 days. After a lot of detective work, filing police reports and reporting fraud to her bank, I realized these caregivers took advantage of my mom. Once I compared schedules to invoices, I found charges on her debit card that were made on days no one cared for her. I shut down everything. Her debit card and checking account. When I ordered a new debit card someone tried to swipe it and it hadn’t even had time to be activated. I could go on and on.

That’s when I hired the new company and have had zero issues. My mom has stability and the same caregiver every week. She’s beginning to trust again.

As far as talking to the caregiver, no one would answer the phone when I would call. Not even my mom. It was so frustrating.

My mom wants to stay in her home. She refuses to go into memory care or move closer to me. She can function day to day but her memory is not good. She is grateful for all that I do for her.

It makes me so angry to write this check to the previous company. I’ve never “not paid” someone for services rendered. They took advantage of my mom and shut me out so they could do what they wanted without any accountability. It’s so wrong.
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You have POA? Was mom paying her own bills or cousin? Sounds like this has been going on for years. Now mom has mild dementia, has she been considered and diagnosed incompetent the entire time with previous caregivers? If not, mom has the legal right to do with her resources as she sees fit. Mild dementia now, she may have authorized what you are calling fraud?

Early signs of dementia often include false accusations.
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We had a professional cleaner at our office. One time the (contracted from the professional cleaner company) cleaner's son ran into an adjacent building while lazily driving our garbage bags over to the dumpter. He was an unlicensed teen.

H immediately cancelled the contract with the cleaning company. And then they dared to send a letter, noting that we had a contract with them. H got a lawyer he knows to write them an article that shut them up, which basically said that they didn't ahere to the terms of the contract. And we heard nothing again from them.

So, is there anything in the care contract that you could use as a way to deny them that payment? Something that they didn't do?

Who is doing the investigation you mention of this care company?
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Is there any chance the unhelpful male cousin (or any other family members) are stealing from your mom?
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Vdubgirl Feb 2020
There aren’t any other family members. My cousin is very well off so I can’t imagine he’d steal from her.
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I would think this agency is under State inspection. They must have a license of some kind to operate using Certified Nursing Aids. Certification of aides comes under the Nurse licensing board in my state. Call ur State Ombudsman and run it by them.

I would think that the agency would have to address your findings within 30 days. Meaning, with detailed paperwork. Showing the billing, then the check offsetting. I would suggest getting a lawyer involved. Even if legal aid. Call Office of Aging for legal aid info.

I know you want to keep Mom in her home but there will come a time when that is not possible. She will need 24/7 care. Its will be what she needs not what she wants.
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gdaughter Feb 2020
If it is a private company that does not get Medicare reimbursement they can pretty much do whatever they want...but if they do...that's another matter.
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Vdubgirl, I agree with those who suggest contacting a lawyer, especially since you say you have some "proof" of the credit card charges. Also, don't worry about her credit score...what will she need that for anymore? I'm glad you found a good care agency finally, but she wouldn't be so socially isolated if she were in a care community, and you'd be doing a lot less management and have more peace of mind, especially if she were near you. Just something to consider. Let us know how it goes.
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gdaughter Feb 2020
Not to mention you can contact the credit card company and put the charges in dispute...
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I would contact my attorney in this case. Good that you have some documentation to present to her/him. The attorney can get to the bottom of this problem.
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I am sure there is a state agency with whom you can file a complaint. You need to do this. It won't really help your mom but your actions may protect other families in the future. Also, you can file a complaint with the BBB. I would not be surprised if you went to the BBB website and found that others have already filed complaints. I'm glad you found an agency that you lik;, that must give you peace of mind.

My father had caregivers coming in three hours a day twice a week so he could step out for a bit (this was after an injury from a fall several years ago). He came home early once to find mom soaking in the tub and the caregiver rummaging in her jewelry box. Mom verified later that $300 was missing as well as a piece of jewelry over one hundred years old that had been passed down from her grandmother. My father ordered the woman out of the house and informed the agency he would not need their services any more. I asked him if he filed a police report for theft. Nope. I asked if he filed a complaint with the agency about the caregiver. Nope. He didn't even tell me until several years later. I don't understand the reluctance to file complaints or involve police.
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cak2135 Feb 2020
Not only would I have had this woman fired, I would get the police on her so fast it would make her head swim! This woman does not belong in caregiving!
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Until you are ready to put her in a assisted living I highly recommend cameras in the house. I buy tenvis brand from Amazon. They have a 360 view, they will move with the tap of your phone on the app. You put an SD card inside and it record 24/7. You will be able to see everything that goes on in the house. I highly recommend that you consider assisted living at this point. If you are not able to afford it then cameras are the next best thing. I never caught any theft in the house but I certainly caught a lot of behavior that helped me reach the decision that Mom needed to be in Assisted Living.
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marte48 Feb 2020
How can you be sure that the same behavior does not happen in Assisted Living?
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I would just move on and pay the bill.
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Myownlife Feb 2020
No way !!!
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Disgraceful, it sounds as thought that virtually borders on fraud. I can't say I am impressed with your cousin either, although I know the problems when our LO decides we are out of favour. I would consult an elder lawyer as soon as possible and verbally tell the company that you will not be paying any bill pending your taking legal advice. Beyond that I think you have to wait and see what the lawyer says, ask him what you should put into writing etc. I hope you get the company closed down, you can be sure that if it was happening to your mum she wasn't the only one. Best wishes to you both going forward.
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Get thee quickly to the county Ombudsman where the nursing home is located, as well as your local and state Adult Protective Services office. And your state representatives. Report this home-'care' company asap to everyone you can think of. Do not pay another penny. Make sure they are more afraid of what you will do to their reputation than you are of what you think they might do to yours. This agency should make good on all loses. They are bonded, right? Licensed? Surely you chose an agency that has these minimal safeguards in place.
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What a nightmare! Please hire an attorney so you and your mom can have peace of mind. Your cousin doesn’t need to be involved anymore if he is making bad decisions regarding your mom. Let an attorney sort it out. Provide as much information as you possibly can.

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. Best wishes to you and your mom.
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I have a feeling that this isn't uncommon. I would alert the rest of the folks that may need assistance by leaving a review on Yelp, Google, and any other resource that you know of. People read reviews and sometimes that's the only way to get the word out.

BTW: ever notice they tend to have Biblical-esque or saintly names, with "angel" or "shepherd" or "savior" in them? I think I'd prefer "Nancy's In-home care" because then you know who you are dealing with -- Nancy. I digress.

I had in-home care (with a shepherd in the title) for my mother and I thought the experience was very frustrating. I think they played both sides -- they had my mother's trust, but I live 75 miles away, and they never gave me the details of my mother's declining situation. At the time, my mother's dementia had spiraled downward; she saw me as the enemy and wouldn't let me in the house. Naively, I thought my mother would "get better" and the care company said "they'd work with her" (like a preschooler being taught to read). They did assist with getting my mother diagnosed -- it came back severe dementia. Even then, the company said they thought the diagnosis was wrong and I should seek a second opinion. How frustrating for me (and expensive!) The two care providers who went to the doctor's appointment told me that "she answered every question". When I talked directly to the doctor who administered the test, and read the report, it was very clear. Either the two care providers also couldn't answer questions correctly, or they were trying to protect their jobs. The report said my mother needed 24/7 care. My mother went to a care-facility within a week after the diagnosis. The whole experience could have been easier had the in-home company gave me detailed information each day.

Thanks for asking the question so I could (obviously) vent! You have done the right thing in removing them from caring for your mother.
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In times past, I have been reluctant to apply for work with any agency with a Biblical sounding name. I agree with the above poster and those names are disgusting to me when I know that no one is equivalent to an "angel" or any similar thing. If they really were angels they would be working for free. I also know that it's stressful to have total strangers in your home for extended lengths of time even when they're not dishonest since I've had home care before. They really need to stick to formal business names to display more honesty about who they are. I have also worked for people who are unprofessional and insensitive so I know this is common.
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Your biggest problem is your 1800 mi. distance and your mom's refusal to consider moving into assisted living. I went through a similar situation with my mom, 10 yrs ago. She was in her mid 80s and living independently in a senior apartment complex. During the early stages of her dementia, when the private caregiver she had contracted with was similarly stealing from her, my mom thought *I* was somehow traveling hundreds of miles in the middle of the night to slip into her apt. and commit the thefts. With the help of some "friends," went to the bank and to an attorney and had my POAs cancelled. Of course, the thefts continued. She called me up asking for help, which I could no longer provide, since I had no authority.

Although my mother was very intelligent and therefore able to mask her early dementia (she even had her primary care doctor convinced she was perfectly competent, and didn't need dementia screening) she was easily manipulated by whomever she was with at the time. I made the 400 mi. trip, took her back to the attorney, had new POA documents drawn up, and to the bank to have my authority reinstated. Then fate intervened in my favor. Within 24 hrs of my departure, my mom fell in the bathroom and became trapped between the toilet and tub. She was found lying there with a dislocated shoulder and transported to the hospital, where they definitively diagnosed her dementia and refused to let her return to her apartment. A few days later I made another trip to arrange to have her placed in assisted living. She literally threw a temper tantrum in the hospital--which didn't help her case--and with the help of social services her refusals were overruled.

My suggestions are:

1) Report what evidence of theft that you have to the police. In my case, I didn't have much proof. Only after I took over all her accounts and audited them did the patterns of withdrawals and inappropriate "gift" checks, signed by her, become clear. But since she wasn't yet officially legally incompetent at the time, and she was no longer a reliable witness now that she was, there wasn't much chance of a criminal prosecution.
2) Seek the advice of a family law attorney in your mother's state of residence to see what your options are. You need to find out what you can do to get your mom into assisted living near you ASAP, as her mental status will only get worse, and your distance from her is problematic. You may have to go through a two-step process like I did; initial assisted living in her present home town, and then a well-timed move to a second facility near where you live.
3) Do not worry about your mother's credit rating. However, do worry that your mother will respond to the billing notices inappropriately and pay the money herself, perhaps several times over. My mom was doing that during the last few months she was living alone.
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Hello V. I'm very sorry that you and mom are going thru this Horrible situation.Im a HHA since early 1980,s.In NYC we have Millions of Home care agencies.The first thing you do when looking care for your mom is What do I need for My mom? WHEN IT comes to handling money...ONLY THRU YOU.
Now they damage the situation...they need to repay.
When you get all the facts call to the department of aging in your mom's community and de department of disable,the department of Alzheimer's and ask to get advice in how to make the agency repay all that was taken.IF YOU see with your own eyes they owe you...BELIVE me if you can get all back. Thru court all is going to return.

Never again let mom handle money...all has to go thru you.
Please call definitely someone is going to advice.Good luck.
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You might want to visit the DA in your parent's county. Similar happened with my parents with a company called "Americare" out of Las Vegas and Oceanside, CA. They got charged and convicted. He is serving 11 years. She is serving a lesser sentence. It was a husband and wife and the court saw it as mostly as the husband who was the crook. We got back a decent percentage of the money paid. Their assets were sold and the money used to pay the victims as much as it could.
It can get complicated so let the law sort it out. Provide all the documentation you can.
I was 1700 miles away but I made a timely visit. That set the ball in motion. There were already complaints with the company so it was not too hard to have the DA take notice.
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You cannot be a caregiver when you live apart from your mom--the moment you hire someone it's going to cost plenty of money. Sitting services--people who just sit and do NO hands-on care--costs $20 an hour. When you hire someone who does hands-on care such as bathing and feeding, it's about $35 an hour. Medication administration requires home-health visiting nurses. More money. That's why nursing homes are a lot cheaper and they run about $90,000 a year per patient. Around the clock sitters for one single day is going to run $240 and they do no hands-on care.
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Kudos for your thorough documentation of the situation and for jumping in. Who gave POA to the agency? Did your mom? Was she competent to do so? It sounds like you need to contact at least one of the following; 1. The Elder Abuse department of your mom's cit or County if there is one, may be part of the DA's department 2. An Elder Abuse Attorney, you may find one that does pro bono work. This seems like a potential senior abuse case against the firm you hired, 3. Your State should have an agency that this firm is licensed with, contact them. In the meantine buy a safe for your mom. Let her watch you put in all her valuables and tel her everything is safe, including documents. Contact all her billers, have them sign on to pay all her basic recurring bills so nothing gets turned, i.e. water, electricity, etc. to It sounds like you have a lot of moving parts in your situation that require some professional navigation.
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Vdubgirl Feb 2020
I took over paying my moms bills two years ago. She fought me on it but I did it anyway. She still had a debit card and a checkbook as of last November. When I went to visit December 2019, I explained I had to take her checkbook and debit card away because of fraud. She agreed and let me do so. I went through piles and piles of paperwork, sorted, and organized. That is how I pieced together a lot of this fraud. I visited her bank (I’m co-owner on her account. ) I went over all of it with them. I have a new debit card on the account now and hers is hidden in her house. It is locked at all times. The new caregiver knows where it is and knows it’s locked. If she needs to purchase something unexpected for my mom, she has to call me, tell me where she is going, and send me the receipt when she returns. I re-lock the card. I have established myself with a plumber, electrician, pest control, etc. I’m the contact person for everything. My mom fought me on this but after a month she realized it was to protect her. I have every alert possible set up on my phone for bank transactions. My husband and I are going to visit in the next month. We are going to install cameras. I’ve done all I can do since my mom refuses to move back here.

Twenty years ago I began discussing long term care, finances, and a will or trust with my mom. She wouldn’t hear of it. She was independent and said she could take care of herself. She said she had lots of friends and she didn’t need her only child stepping in and running her life. We all know that was not what I was going to do. Soooooo here we are, she has a few friends (in nursing homes) and I had to spend months sorting through all of this. My mom has not been kind to me most of my life. She’s been controlling and hateful and missed out on so much in our lives. Her only grandson barely knows her. With all of that, I can’t abandon her now. I will help her as much as possible but when the time comes, I’ll need to make difficult decisions and she will hate me once again. I can’t do anything about that. She made choices in her life and now she’s living with the consequences of those choices.
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Hey Vdubgirl,

I would be calling the Better Business Bureau, Department of Health, Aging Protective Services and I would be calling the police. What has happened to your mom and your family is a disgrace to the field.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I have never incorporated the services of a professional agency to help care for my mom, who has dementia. Thank you for sharing how even those agencies are capable of criminal activity.

I have gone through literal hell with the caregivers I have hired but have finally been rewarded with a lady who is trustworthy and caring. After she leaves I will be resigning from my employment. I will keep my professional license active so that I can reenter the workforce whwn that time comes.

Again, I am so sorry this has happened and I hope you channel your anger toward focused determination to expose this fraudulent agency.
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Re send this letter explaining why you are not paying. CC a copy to the states attorney general office. Explain to them you are planning to file a formal complaint with the states attorney generals office if the are unwilling to cease
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I just went to the sentencing of a caregiver who stile checks, forged and stole dads identity. Take it to your lical authorities: DA, sheriff, police...more than likely it’s not the only complaint and they can use your info to put these people away. And maybe get your money back. Also contact the bank - anything that was illegally transacted is insured by FDIC and can be recouped.
They take elder crimes seriously.
Follow through and good luck.
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You fired the company. The final bill is the least of your worries....

You have bigger problems at home going forward...

My question is what are you going to do going forward with your mom? It sounds like she needs you for more than just a bill but your 1800 miles away????

Time for you to take a trip and maybe help her sell her house?...move her to your town? etc etc...time for that dreaded, but necessary, 'family meeting discussion'

Denentia doesnt get better over time, just worse....im sorry

ps. If you feel she can stay a little longer i would consider in home security cameras where you can monitor her occsionally from 1800 miles away....you have heard of Nest camera where you can put like one on the living room table maybe another one by teh front door.
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My aunt, whom I'll call "Grace" had an in-home care giver named Mona who stole every penny she had. Her sister, my other aunt I'll call "Pearl" came to stay with them after my cousin, Grace's daughter, passed away from ovarian cancer in the same home. The care giver witnessed the illness and death as she was living in home with them. After that Mona started taking over Grace's finances. But Pearl became suspicious because Mona would leave every evening after she thought the two of them were asleep and come back in the early hours of the morning. Turns out she was a gambling addict and was kiting money through several bank accounts from my aunt to fund her outings to the casino. My aunt Pearl was an accountant before retiring and recognized what was happening to her sister's accounts. She called her daughter who took the first flight there and together they phoned the police. As Mona was being arrested, she sneered at them and said she almost had possession of the house. She spent some time in jail and then was back out doing the same line of work with Grace's neighbor!!! She is charming and well liked by older people and even though we warned the neighbor, she kept her as care giver. My poor aunt died in a nursing home a year later and my other aunt went to live with her daughter out of state, so they never saw each other again. Broke my heart. MONA (her real name) needed to either be in jail longer or at least not be allowed to be a care giver any longer.
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You definitely were proactive in addressing needs of your family member. I admire how quickly you intervened. I experienced a similar situation.
First, I would itemize all missing items and put in a police report. You cannot prove anything was stolen, but make the report anyway. Next, use security cameras to check on your loved one at all times. Make sure you do this to prevent theft and neglect. You must let the company know you will have security cameras, as it is an option to caregiver to work under video camera. But it is necessary to supervise home and staff. There are many discrepancies with time keeping that company will try to hide. I suggest using an old fashion time clock in the home. If they don't punch the clock, they don't get paid. No exceptions. Make sure you know the names and addresses and phone numbers of all employees, and that you have FBI Criminal Checks and Child Abuse Checks. Check registry for CNA to be in good standing with state license.
The agency will lie to cover their tracks. I reported my incidents to Supports Coordinator and called the State Department for Aging Care. The would have sent protective services but we held off due to my moms anxiety and heart condition.
Make sure you Yelp publicly about agency so others do not get in same situation with bad company.
Keep your loved ones close to you. Only family intervention makes a difference in dementia care. Most aids are using cell phones, watching television, and do not follow directions for therapeutic rehab. If you can get physical therapy or recreational therapy for dementia patient, it will help improve with right caregiver to handle anxiety for transitions.
We are all going thru this, and if its not addressed legally, we will continue this trend of poor caregiving in homes with boomers.
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I would be
1. Calling an elder law attorney
2. Concerned since you were not the one who hired them if you can be the one to fire them
3. Giving a heads up to the local police to let them and maybe the fire dept know your mom has issues
4. Talking to the long term care ombudsmans office for help or advice
5. Not paying the bill until the discrepancies are resolved to your satisfaction and
6 Telling them you are taking the matter to small claims court and will be coming from out of town to do so.
Also contact the local office on aging, area agency on aging and/or adult protective in re to the exploitation risk factor (they may turn it down but you never know). Having a local contact when you are far away may help.
Would mom consider since you seem to have made amends moving closer to where you are?
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Vdubgirl Feb 2020
My mom will not move back here. I won’t even go there with her.
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This falls under financial elder abuse and should be prosecuted- especially because of the dementia diagnosis. Punishable by 4 years in jail if proven so.
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Contact a attorney for the elderly. This is a specific kind of law. Make sure you have copies of all the records, and receipts. Go back to the beginning. The bank will have what was withdrawn on microfilm. Go prepared. Have as much hard copy information as possible.
Ggood luck.
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Vdubgirl Feb 2020
I have all of it documented and hard copies of everything. There are a lot of missing receipts, especially the ones in question. No surprise there.
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I would tell them until the investigation is done u will not pay another dime.
Law enforcement and social services should b involved in this.
Good luck
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Contact an elder law attorney asap!
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