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There are some days when I well that I have no desire to do anything, most of the time. Anytime I go to say something to mother that I think that she will get a kick out of she will go right off the subject into compleants.

Between her and the pain I have all the time from my spine pinching nervers in verase parts of my body, I just don't feel as if I have any more to give. I feel guilty that I cannot sit up for more than 30 minutes or stand for more that 30 minutes due to my spine. My 12 year old daughter is always so sweet about it she says mom I know that you are in pain. I might as well be drug attack or drinker. My husband is so sweet. You know men and what they want. Well he has had to do without for very long periods of time. I tell him I feel useless. and he says that I am guite the oppisite. I am the one that keeps us all going. I don't know what I did to get him, but I sure and glad I did. Now I am not saying he is perfect by any means. But I have not found a perfect person yet.

Well, neck has been shooting pain down left arm and up into ear and eye. I believe it may be time for a nap!!!

Susan

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Recovery, the one thing that I have learned in my 45 years here is that you should always take advice given by someone who has been through what you are going through. Not all of it may fit your world, but I do have almost everything you were speaking of in the works. I have a cousion that is a paroligal and is getting the Power of Attorney, set up, also the living will and will. What is the other thing that you were speaking of Health Care Power of Attorney? Would that not be the same as the Power of Attorney?

I also have her doctor looking into us getting someone in two or three time a week for bathing. I cannot pick her up out of the tub. I should be able to take care of everything else. I keep praying for the streagth to be able to keep her here.

Now that we have talked, things have gotten better. My daught would be crushed if we had to send her somewhere else. Her real father died when she was two. She has lost a few close people for such a young person and I don't want to take mama out of sight just yet.

Never be sorry for trying to help some else Recovery!!! I work on R.A.K.E. I try to do some kind of Random Act of Kindness Everyday. This is what keeps me going. Yesterday when I took mom to the doctor's office in the waiting room a mother of two, one 3 and the other 6 were climming her. She and I had been talking and she had her hands full. I went and took some of those print outs every office seems to have and a couple of pens, went over to the kids table, which by the way had nothing for the kids, but asked if they would like to draw with me and they got off mom and they drew with me while she, I and mother could talk grown up. When mom and I were called back it felt so good to have her say thank you for, you know. I said, yes sweetheart I have two of my own and the grand.

It really does not take much, just like this website. Just to pick people up.

love ya,
Susan Myers
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I hate to harp on the same old subject, but because of the problems I experienced 8 years ago when my mother finally was diagnosed with dementia, after years of actually having it, and the horrible problems experienced with my siblings, I cannot stress the importance of getting your Durable Power of Attorney, Health Care Power of Attorney and mother's Will prepared. If you are taking care of her, you have to take the bull by the horn and have the tools needed so that you can make the decisions needed to keep your own sanity and life. Without these documents, if you think your life is hard now, you will be shocked at how bad things can really get when you need them and don't have them.

Sorry to be repetive on this issue, but experience is a great teacher and I wouldn't want anyone to go through what I had to go through. However, before you do this, think long and hard about whether you want to or able to be the primary caregiver. Just because your mother lives with you now doesn't mean that you have to take that responsibility on. I read an interview by Dr. Fine, who was interviewed by PBS. He said that primary caregivers really need to have a master's degree to deal with the myriad of issues that they need to deal with: lack of an integrated health care infrastructure, discerning the type of doctor needed for your parent, insurance and prescription insurance options, tax preparation, problem behaviors, knowledge of when it is time to place your parent in a facility for his or her own welfare, or your own welfare, ability to see when you are out of balance and spending too much time with your parent and not enough on your own family, financial planning for the future, monitoring of the facility that you placed your parent in, recognition of potential elder abuse . . . The list is endless.

Whoever thinks that caregiving is an easy task is someone who needs to experience the total responsibility of someone's life themselves. That is why I don't trust most books that are written by doctors and therapists who haven't actually been through the experience themselves. Books can only teach you so much.

I am glad that you are seeking medical attention for your own problems. You might also consider that your pain may be your body telling you that the stress that you are going through could be due to problems with caregiving. Our body is quite adept at telling us something is out of whack. Sometimes we just don't listen to our body.

Recovery
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Thank you sooz and Recovery.

I really don't know what i would have done with out this site. I have told a good many people about it that have friend or family memebers in somewhat the same fix.

Went to Dr. about neck, he sent me for my (think 5th MRI). Well never the less, we have found that where he had replaced two disc a few years ago. The top disc that he conected the corp's disc to has a bulg in it and is causing the pain. So now I wait for the pain block shot. I have had two in my lower back, but not in my neck. Not really crazy about this. But if it will help. Oh God Do It Today!!!

Mom and I have had a sit down talk. She can see where I can think she might be in the starting stages of demincha (SP). So we are having her checked and I hope that it will help to have it out in the open instead of trying to tip toe around the subject.

Courtney, my sweetheart got to go with cousions to a water park and spend the night out to have fun in stead of being here with US. She had a great time.

Recovery, trust me I know the attention they need. I have one that is married out of the house and I also have been blessed with a most loveable grandaughter. She is 2. She calls me Grammy and I call her love bug. Her name is Katie and everyone thought they would call her ladybug, I had to be different.

Thank you for just being there. Some times that is all that it takes, is to have that sounding board to get it off your chest.

And yes, I am going to check on someone coming here a few days a week for mom. Then I can that my girls to the beach or park.

Love you all!
susan
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Sooz, I understand what you are going through from the spouse point of view. My husband's back is broken and the vertebrea's are collapsing like domino's. Since it was a worker's compensatin injury, their business is to manage pain only, not provide any interventions. Now that my husband has finally gotten on Medicare I am going to search for a pain management specialist. There are also spine clinics that have procedures where they insert something similar to a "balloon" that is filled with a cement like product to prevent further collapses and impingements on the nerves. I do not know how soon the procedure has to be done after the injury, nor do I know the results of studies that show the success rate, but it was something that I wanted to have my husband evaluated for. Of course, worker's compensation denied that idea, plus pain management.

In addition, my husband has prostate cancer, so the intimacy that most married couples enjoy are denied to both of us. Add the problems of a parent with dementia, and it is difficult to find joy in life. But I don't stop trying. I have gone to therapy, took a class call Recovery Support Specialist, which is a volunteer program which helps people involved in the mental health system have a person whom they can talk to. Getting involved in some kind of volunteer work has been a life saver for me. You can serve as an inspiration just continuing to do what you do with an optimistic attitude. But that shouldn't stop you from trying to manage your pain and intervening so that your spine doesn't deteriorate further.

Your daughter sounds wonderful, but she soon will require more attention and monitoring of her activities once she hits the adolescence period. I learned that the hard way. She now is 19 and going to college and beginning to return to her formal self, but there were several years that were extremely hard. Being part of the sandwich generation definitely makes caregiving more difficult than others.

Good luck and let me know if you are able to to get medical intervention.

Recovery
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dear susan, its my opinion that you find a nice 'temporary' nursing faucility for your mom and get yourself in for some medical intervention. you can't do it all and with all the pain you are dealing with, you owe it to your little girl to fix your spine and nerve pain. at the very least, get some input from your doctor on the stress and pain combination you are trying to balance. good luck and give your daughter a hug. sooz
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