Does anyone seem to find their parent is almost two people?

My father is not quite that bad, but there are times when we're in a conversation and if I disagree with him he gets a little out of sorts. I know the signal and at that point I remain quiet and he seems to talk it out with himself and calms down. That may not work for everyone, but, that works for me most times.

Heidi73--is this all new behavior or was she always unpredictable in her moods (and venom)? My mother seems like two different people, depending on the day but that is not really new. Things have changed somewhat and depression hits her harder, so I expect meanness when that comes, but I never know day to day if she will be warm and loving or nasty and depressed. Leaves me on a perpetual roller coaster.

Here's what "rowing her away" from her "sinking boat" looked like for us - my MIL tends to be very violently hostile toward caregivers, so much so that after she threw us out of her house after we had become her caregivers, we had to call 911 out of fear for her own safety. Thanks to the police and ambulance crew, she agreed to go to the hospital. That was back in the spring. She hasn't returned home since and probably will not. We are pursuing guardianship at this point which should finalize soon.

It is as if her personality "unmixed" and we tend to see a different face of her each day. Some days she's extremely sad and depressed. Some days she's quiet. Some days she's chatty and joking. At this point, though, because we're not her full time caregivers anymore because she's in a facility, we're not the target of her hostility.

Heidi, since your mother has tried pills, I'm assuming she has seen a doctor. If she won't go to a doctor for more help, sadly you may have to wait until something really bizarre happens and then perhaps Adult Protective Services would get involved. You could try calling them now, but depending on where you live, you may or may not get anywhere.

I agree that sometimes the adult child (or children) must step back and wait. It sounds cruel and is very hard to do, but until a person is officially diagnosed with a cognitive disorder, there's rarely anything that can legally be done.

Perhaps if you stay away for awhile, she will come around and realize - at least for a time - that she needs your help. We can hope that she does and the time frame is long enough to get her into a doctor.

If there's a true emergency, taking her to the emergency room may be a foot in the door to getting her help.

Take care of yourself and please let us know how you are doing.
Carol

Been there, done that with mil. My husband tried to help, only to be threatened with a call to authorities for "elder abuse"--he told her that because of her copd, she should quit smoking. Heidi, it's very sad and frustrating, but some folks don't have the ability to trust, even their own kids. Do you have any siblings or cousins? Sometimes the best idea, as you say, is to stay away until she calls. This is a rough road you're walking down, know that you can only help her as much as she'll allow. Hang out here, it's a good place.

My mom was on some pills but quit them. (She tends to quit on a lot of things and people. If she's not happy she ends a relationship or moves, except now that she's older, it's not so easy to move.) I try to help her but when she gets super hostile I stay away. I can't reason with her, no matter how much I want to. I figure she'll call when she wants something. Usually when she runs out of cigarettes she calls, all in crisis mode.

First the confusion. Then the anger. Later you will see delusional behavior. Get her some meds before she is totally out of control. Save your own sanity by staying away, that is a good move. It sounds cruel, but if she won't get off a sinking boat, you have to row away from her.