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Go to your state's Web site under "aging services" or something similar. They should be able to direct you to local resources including the Family Caregiver Support Program.
Good luck,
Carol
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The hospital where he had the hip replacement should have found a place for him. They have social workers and a discharge team that should have gave him options and placed him.

How did he not get placed for recovery?
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He was in the rehab section of a nursing home and sent home with Home Health Services. Problem is that he can't be left alone, so I am almost house-bound also. We've just found out that he does not qualify for Provider
Services which we've been hoping for. So now I have to find someone on my own and didn't know where to start. Thanks for the helpful comments.
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I ended up with my dad in the same situation. He had a stroke and I wanted to give him time to recover so he would not end up in a nursing home drugged so I went to live with him for a "few weeks:
Home Health came in but that was pretty lame. Lift this leg, lift this are,
etc.... they determined he could not live with alone himself even after I felt he could. (my dad was only 75)

Fortunately my dad was a Veteran (only in for 2 years in 1950s) and qualified for the VA home which takes residents and nursing patients.

My dad was on a waiting list for about a month and then went into the VA nursing home. I would have prefered he stayed at his own home but I guess he was not "safe" He sure is not happy now but he is "safe"
I don't know which is worse.

But is your dad a veteran? Get him on a waiting list for a VA Home. They are usually better than regular nursing homes.
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VA also provides Aid and Attendance $ and other help.
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No, my dad is not a veteran. He was too old to be drafted in WWII (married and I was about 4 years old). He worked as a welder on battleships during the war and consequently has severe hearing loss. He is miserable around other people because he doesn't know how to respond to questions. He actually uses e-mail and plays solitaire on the computer, but is having to spend most of his time in a recliner with his legs up because of severe edema in his ankles.
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My dad has sort of the opposite problem. He has really excellent hearing but has lost his eyesight due to diabetes related complications. He won't do much of anything and he also feels awkward around people. As he has to try to figure out who they are by their voice and there are so many people he can't keep track.

He is having symptoms of dementia and some hallucinations and just recently practically quit talking or even opening his eyes. He will respond with short sentences. His short and long term memory are fine but he has so many medications and the nursing home doctor put him on so many more that we do not know what is going on with him. Now he has diabete foot sores and one is VERY bad so he has been off his feet for 4 months and now they are wheeling him around like a baby.
He is about to just give up and he is only 76 going on 77.

I keep trying to "save" him but something else happens.

I am so glad your dad will use e-mail. I see lots of guys at the VA home using the computers and I am so happy for them. My dad had a roommate that had his own computer in his room and I could e-mail him to check on dad or to give dad a message.... but they had a falling out and dad had to change rooms.

You should be able to get your dad's doctor to OK medicare to pay for a HOME HEALTH Social Worker. When my dad was on Home Health he had an O.T> a P.T. and a nurse and he was okayed for a nurse aide but he would not use her so I did everything in that area (except give him a bath)
When they said they did not feel he could live alone they assigned him a social worker. She was the only Home Health person worth the Medicare money. She talked to dad about nursing homes and other options. She talked to him about ME and my living there with him away from my own home.
She did what she could to help him live alone and left it up to him. When he decided he did want to move to a nursing home she told us what to do and helped us do it. She got the people from the state Blind to come and give him tools and talk to him about his continuing loss of sight.

And if we had decided NO on a nursing home I am sure she would have help us get daycare or respite.

So maybe you can get your doctor to OK a Home Health Social Worker and if you get a crappy one ask for a different one those HH people are paid a LOT of money for very little work sometimes. The Aides are the ones who really work.

Try to get a HH Social Worker to advise you and get you the help you need. Your dad is 98 and your doctor will surely OK a HH Social Worker.
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I've had a HH social worker. She thought my dad would qualify for provider services based on his income, but his bank account has built up too much during the two years he has lived with us. Today I've arranged to have lunch on Monday with a friend who has worked part-time sitting with an invalid last year, so I am hoping that she will agree to stay with my dad one day a week so that my husband and I can get out. I'm having daily migraines from the stress. The HH nurse's aide came early this morning to draw blood before he ate. He was quite upset because he was hungry and she didn't get here as early as she had said she would. He can be really difficult to deal with if he doesn't get his way. She wasn't even able to get blood after three tries, so will have to try again next week. After he ate, he sulked and slept in his chair all morning and hasn't done his p.t. exercises that he is supposed to do twice a day, but today I don't feel like fighting it. Before he broke his hip he said he would kill himself before he would go to a nursing home, so I don't think he would ever go willingly. Bringing him to live with us (from a neighboring state) seemed to be the only option, but he has really worn me down.
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My dad too always said he would kill himself before going and I truly thought he would. He is the mountain man type. It is horrible seeing him in a nursing home and he can be very difficult too when he doesn't get his way. At the NH they take this as pyschotic behavior and the drugging starts.

I stayed with dad for several months trying to get him in shape to stay home after a stroke and he did well but he lost his iniative and wouldn't take his pills or do anything without prompting.

When I stayed with him (in his "cabin"_) I was just on auto-pilot or I never would have made it. They never know how much of a toll they are taking on you and you have to be their slave to get them fed, and all the daily routine. You are never alone to just be yourself. You can no longer act goofy and sing real loud and act like you might when you have the house to yourself. Plus you can't make comments out loud anymore without then having to explain you were just talking to yourself.

My dad would have hated me and me him if he'd moved in here. But now that he has been in a nursing home I think he has learned some manners and I believe that he would be easier to live with now.

Maybe the next time your dad needs to go to the hospital you need to tell the hospital discharge team that he will not be going home with you and they need to place him in a nursing home IF that is what you and your family need.
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