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We took over care and cleaned up for my husband's gma after my husband's father passed. The caregiver, my bnl (my brother n law) for her was a drug addict, thief and hoarder. We saved her. Removed my bnl. She is paranoid we are going to take her money and her house and she's hiring an attorney against us. My husband and I are the LAST two people here to care for her. She has recently met two ladies that have been helping her and since, more accusations and cops are being called on us. Is there anyone that can help? I have pictures of what the house looked like and now. I know that elders are so convincing but we are paying the price of what others did. my bnl and fnl did take advantage of her, stole from her, didn't give her right medications or took them themselves. WE have made her healthier and have cleaned up the hoard.


She has no POA, no executor, no nothing...its all in my fnl's name... If my husband doesn't have that power, anyone can take advantage of her. She's really easy to convince too...


Please help! Annie in Mission Viejo, Ca

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Rainmom, Thank you.

We were living somewhere else in another county, we took over and moved into GMAs house, kicking everyone and everything back. We are STILL living here but supposedly are moving out within a few weeks. GMA IS SUPPOSEDLY paying for the move and a few months rent to get us set up... We are NOT moving WITH her, we are moving elsewhere, she's preparing to move to a home. The police say we need to find a new place to live, she said she's selling her house. YES there was an agreement to sell the house within 6 months after we kicked out my BNL...but being the grandson of her, my husband didn't think it was necessary to get it in writing. Well, she liked her clean house and everything changed and her controlling mean ways took over.

I am so scared...but I don't have much of another option. We don't have the money to move. Under her thumb and curse as always.

pamstegma - YES YES YES! If she were mine, absolutely! BUT I can't without leaving my husband...um... (REALLY???!?!?!?!?!?!) Thank you...that is my advice to myself. Been talking to lawyers and no one will take my case. BECAUSE NO ONE WINS against the ELDERLY! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I'm lost. So were you living in GMs house? Where are you living now? GM is paying for you to move where and with her? Why is she giving you money to "get on your feet"? What did the police have to say regarding the situation as it seems you've been talked to by them. Was there anything agreed upon in exchange for cleaning up her house? I can't make heads or tails about what's really going on - can you fill in a few blanks!
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Get a lawyer NOW, move OUT now and walk away. She is not competent, but I sure would not want to be her Guardian. I would let the state take over.
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Angel, thank you so much. For some reason, I did not see your post. Wow, thank you.

So, she is being evaluated for dementia but the earliest appointment is September 7... but she wants to move and sell her house within the month.

We did fail to mention to the police (out of shock) that she is going to be evaluated for dementia and cognitive skills. That would have helped us tremendously. Hind sight.

Since my post, she has (not on paper, so I won't believe it until I see it) agreed to pay for us to move and help get us on our feet. I fear she won't remember like most things with her. Or she will hold it over my head like everything else. But my husband sees things going in the right direction. I don't think I can rest until we are moved and separated legally.

We still need these things in order as you mentioned because the statute of limitations goes well beyond our separation.

The POA is actually in my deceased father in law's name. My brother in law is out of the picture and living on the street about 5 miles away. So it's important or all of what she is fighting for will be lost to the state or fought for via probate or with my brother in law.

The whole situation has me so sick to my stomach. I can't wait until this is all over with.

In my fit of desperation for help when I posted this, I did realize that my FAITH had been diverted to pessimistic outlooks. I took a moment and realized we are GOOD people who did a very good thing here and God will provide for me as HE ALWAYS has...I just can't forget...

Thank you so much for anyone who read this and had any ounce of empathy or understanding. I have recently learned about compassion fatigue/caregiver burnout and elder rage. We are learning as we go. We are should have researched this before adopting to live with gma. We did not think this would be this hard. We thought if we cleaned up her life and house that we would be praised and she would be happy and grateful but we had no idea that it would turn into such an ugly mess.
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It doesn't matter, I'm moving out. I can't endure anymore abuse. I care because of my husband... He has such a great heart saving her and enduring all that stress and abuse. I tried but enough is enough...
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Please could you go back a bit and narrate the chain of events since your FIL's passing?

I.e. FIL passed away, Gma was left in the sole care of BIL, then...?

Meanwhile, whose hoard was it and what did you do with it? From what I understand of hoarders, they get very twitchy when people tidy up. Are you sure Gma wasn't co-owner at least? And is she comfortable with whatever has become of her grandson?

What two ladies? Who are they?
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Please call your local Area on Aging and your local Adult Protection Agency and report this issue. With your documentation you can prove that you are not at fault. At the same time you can have your grandmother in law checked (wellness check) and be sure that these two ladies aren't also taking advantage. As far as the POA held by your father in law, that should also be reported for investigation...taking advantage of an elderly person and stealing their wealth is a very serious crime. You may also touch base with your local police station, and share that your grandmother is cognitively impaired. This will not be the first time they have received false reports from a person with dementia or another impairment. This will pre-empt any action against you.

Angel
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