A few months ago my mother was placed in a nursing home somewhere in Kansas City. She and my 93-yr.old stepfather have been married for over 45 (fairly hostile) years. I've been told she has end stage dementia. I learn everything third-hand. When she started losing it, he started editing the information he gave hospitals on her behalf. He gave his son's name - instead of mine - as her only child. I learned that about five years ago when he left her alone in their REMOTE northern Michigan home and went to KC for a few weeks; she wound up in the hospital and I was unable to get information on her condition. I cannot fully express the heartbreak of that level of betrayal. Both of my stepfather's sons have died in the past four months. Recently he has been feeding my son lies about my mother's condition and the location of her nursing home ... to keep us away. Finally last week my son and DIL were invited (by a third party) to drive 12 hours and retrieve a few boxes of her belongings. After a brief conversation (on why they'd been cut out of his will) they were taken to the nursing home by the third party and led through the password-protected doors. They learned my mother has always been in this particular nursing home. (My stepfather had previously told my son that she was violent and had been placed in an 'extreme psych facility' at some remote northern location. How Game of Thrones.) They found out she's having 'minor' brain hemorrhages. She didn't know them, of course, but was so lonely when they hugged her she didn't want to let go. They don't remember the name of the home. They don't want to ask for details because my stepfather will blow a gasket. I don't know what that matters at this point. But the family has been damaged enough, I'm not going to push it. I want to see my mother and I want my name on file as her daughter. I need to be in the loop, the first call when he dies. I know it's not wise to change homes at this stage of the game, but I want my connection back. I want to be able to visit without asking permission. I want to give her longer hugs. God help us... does Missouri have some kind of database or do I have to do a Google search and pick up the phone. Are they able to verify having her as a patient if I ask? Is there a directory of some kind? How can I find her?