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Good morning. I have a friend who is 78 years old and is taking care of her husband who has Alzheimers. She is now having trouble with her physical health (back, etc.). Her husband is eligible for Hospice. She finally thought that she would have some support. They encouraged her to utilize the respite care of hospice...which she did. They told her to sign him in for 5 days and for her not to come to see him. This would give her time to rest her back and take a break. She did. Well, he walked out of the facility and they had to call the police because he didn't want to return. When they got him back he had an accident (bowel movement). The nurse called his wife to come in and clean him up. I don't know what this lady is going to do? Where do you find the right place for them to move when it is time. Who can you trust if you can't trust Hospice? I feel so bad for her. Any help is appreciated!

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IMPKL, if your friend's budget can afford to do this, maybe hubby would be better off in Assisted Living/Memory Care.   Sounds like he could need a higher level of care.   As most of us know, Alzheimer/Dementia doesn't get better, sadly it only gets worse.

Or hire professional caregivers from an Agency to come to the house to help for a few hours each day.   For these caregivers this isn't their first rodeo so they know what to do in each situation.   Again, it depends on your friend's budget as these caregivers are expensive, but worth every penny.

My Dad was in Assisted Living/Memory Care and he loved it there :)
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Are you saying that her husband went into a Hospice run center or was he staying at a regular AL or NH? I'd be interested to know if the place had determined that they could provide husband the right level of care.
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That is one of the worst things I have ever read here. The NURSE called the wife to come to the facility to clean up her husband???? I have never heard of anything so outrageous.

I'm so sorry that your friend had this experience. Please reassure her that this is not the norm. That her husband got out is bad enough but people with Alzheimer's can wander so I guess that can be forgiven but not in concert with the facility's request that she come to tend to him. Did she bring him home at that point?

There are facilities that offer respite care. The caregiver checks their loved one in for a few days and then picks them back up at the prearranged time. While the loved one is there they do activities, mingle with other residents, have their meals in the dining room, and are taken care of for the duration. I hope your friend won't let one bad experience prevent her from trying to get some respite again. She can have respite without hospice if she chooses.

Please let your friend know that hospice is not like that. She got in with a bad facility. I've never heard of anything like that ever happening. I'm so sorry she had to go through that.
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