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My mother in law lives with me, my fiance, 2 children, and 1 on the way. We have a 3 bedroom 1 bath home and there is not enough room for us all. Also taking care of MIL is really putting stress on our relationship. She is disabled and only income is social security. She refuses to move out or look for a place, we think she needs to be in an assisted living facility. But all the facilities in our area are private funds. We can't afford hundreds a day for her to be in a facility and we can't afford to rent her an apartment of her own. We are at a dead end here.. I don't know what else I can do??

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Yes I've been quite disappointed with the lack of resources I'm finding when I call every number I can find! She is on the waiting list for section 8 but it can take 6 months or longer. I believe She was number 90 last time we checked. Most places also want to evaluate her or interview her to see what kind of care she needs which she quickly shoots down and has a meltdown over it. Its more like a tantrum one of our toddlers would have but it is a lot more stressful. She used to smoke in the house but my daughter was having issues with ear infections and asthma so my fiance told her she had to stop, it took a long time to get her to smoke outside. She's 57 and from Missouri, they all smoked and she's been smoking since she was 13. She smoked through all 4 of her pregnancies and none of her kids have any issues so in her mind there is absolutely nothing harmful about it and would rather die than quit. But it bothers me a lot even with her smoking outside. Also she rarely bathes, trips and falls almost everyday, and rarely eats anything other than ice cream, candy, and cookies. If I'm not home she will give our kids tons of candy to the point where they throw up. We are at a dead end, but I'm still trying so hard to find a place for her. I will try to look into those apartments you suggested. I'm sure I'd have more luck if she was approved for section 8 already. I'm worried about her refusing to leave and having things get even more tense but at this point I don't care, we just want our home back and for my sanity to be back before I have more complications. Thanks for helping and responding, it means a lot!
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Hannah, I am surprised none of the local agencies could refer you to a senior apartment. These apartments, the rent is based on one's income. So your Mom would qualify, if there is an opening. Depending on the size of the city/town where you live, Mom may need to move to a larger city.

First thing to do, STOP BUYING HER CIGARETTES !! My gosh, they can cost anywhere from $5 to $14 per pack depending on where you live. That is very expensive. If Mom wants smokes then she needs to pay for them herself. If the cigarettes are $14/pack, that is over $5k per year.

I hope she is not smoking in the house, as it has been proven that second hand smoke is harmful especially to children. Even if Mom goes outside to smoke, she comes back in with those harmful chemicals on her clothes, skin, and in her hair. Thus if she sits down on the sofa, or even in the car, those chemicals transfer to the fabric. Every time the kids give her a hug, again the chemicals are transferred to them.

Mom probably will poo poo the second hand smoke stuff, or maybe just not care. Direct her to the American Lung Association website. Of course trying to get her to believe what is written there might be a challenge. Seems like every family had someone who lived to be 90 or 100 who smoked every day, but that was because back then most food was organic thus that elder had a good basis for a start.
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I called my local agency on aging and the only thing they said that could be done is to do an interview for the aged and disabled waiver which only helps pay for an in home nurse to check on her or send her to a homeless shelter. Seems like the only way to get peace in our home is to literally leave her homeless. We can't do that, no matter how much stress she puts on us emotionally and financially, we can't just leave her on the streets. But I have exhausted all other options. The stress of having her in our home has put me in premature labor and I honestly can't handle it anymore. We are on the verge of losing our house and struggling just to keep our basic utilities from being shut off.. I don't know what else to do, every agency I've called can't help us in our situation.
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Call your local area agency on aging and find out about low cost senior housing in your area. There are usually waiting lists, so get her name on as many as possible.

When a unit becomes available, you let her son tell her that your home is too small for all of you.
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She has Medicaid and Medicare. Receives around $780 in social security but doesn't help us with any rent, bills, or groceries and when she runs out of money She asks us to buy her things daily, including a pack of cigarettes a day. She is very emotional and has outburst over anything and every thing, says she can take care of herself but she keeps doing things that cause her to fall and asks her son (my husband) to constantly refill her cup or grab her a snack but does it all on her own when he's at work. She doesn't bathe regularly and typically wears pjs 24/7 and doesn't eat right. She doesn't have a social life other than church and is basically trying to run our household the way She wants it and it just doesn't work when her son is always working and I'm raising 2 young kids and 7 months pregnant, I just can't do it anymore and I can't get any help from her since She will fight us on getting her into her own place. I guess I will have to look at places that are further away, the homes here have told me that Medicaid does not cover assisted living or nursing homes.
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Hannah, unfortunately as you found out the cost of Assisted Living is much more than what your mother-in-law receives in Social Security.

Or do you mean a nursing home? Sounds like your husband's Mom could qualify for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare]. Medicaid will pay for all of Mom's care in a nursing home. Call your State Medicaid office.

You mentioned that Mom is disabled.... can she dress herself, feed herself, use the bathroom, etc.? If yes, Medicaid might question if she really needs to go into a nursing home. If no, different story. Sometimes one has to look outside of their immediate area to find a care home for Mom that takes Medicaid.

Up at the top of the page is a blue bar. On the left of the words Aging Care you will see 3 white lines. Click on those lines. Type in your zip code. You should see names of continuing care facilities. If you only see a couple, then type in the zip code of the next nearby town.
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