Follow
Share

Hello,
My Mother of 69 yrs. has been released to a skilled nursing faciltiy for rehab from a stroke and brain seizures.
She has been in and out of the hospital since she had a gastric sleeve done back in November of 2013. 10 times, to be exact.
I am the oldest of four kids and have had to take on the role of all four of us to due the fact the one lives out of state and the other two are just "too busy" to even call her.
I have been there for her everyday that she was and is in the hospital, but I have had to miss a lot of work to be able to do so.
My Mom has always been a loner and has no friends nor is she involved in a church.
My question is, who or what services are available for her to have a companion sit with her for a few hours a day while she is in the nursing faciltiy that does not cost any money?
She is extremely lonely and has expressed to me that she wants me to be there with her everyday.
Are there volunteer services out there or churches that offer such a service at no charge?
Thanks so much.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
You may also want to check service clubs in your area. I'm thinking that Optimists, Sertoma, Rotary may have members that are interested in doing this.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Usually in the rehab places there is a pretty full schedule of therapies. Mom may be out of the room for a half to an hour at a time, 3 or 4 times a day. Often a resident is pretty tired between therapy sessions.

It is very kind of you to want to provide company for your mother, and I hope you can find something that will help. But be realistic about what she really would benefit from as opposed to what she thinks she wants.

If Mom is an introvert by nature and has not placed high value on social interactions throughout her life, that may not really change much now. Isolation is not healthy, but if she is among others in the dining room and interacts with therapists of various specialties, I would not be too concerned about that at this point.

Visit when you can do so conveniently. Do NOT put your job at risk. Do not establish a pattern where you mother is totally dependent on you for entertainment. She may have another 30 years to entertain herself. She might as well start now.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I found a nice lady on care who stays with my mom for 3 hours in the morning and comes back and stays a few hours in the evening. Those hours work well with her schedule. She is retired and has a retirement income. I pay her $50 a day, and she sets her own hours. Sometimes she takes my mom out four lunch or shopping at thrift stores. I give her gas and lunch money. It works out well for me, and my mom loves the attention.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

People do have lives and their own families. I don't think that they can be expected to be at the NH, every day - when the NH is the one that is supposed to be caring f or the patient in the first place. Too many people in and out, makes it hard for the senior citizen to fit in and get used to the schedule.

As soon as I would sit down to visit with my Mother, she would want me to take over care giver. She was fine, when I wasn't there.

Visiting once a week and dropping in, unannounced is fine. But, sitting there 6 hours a day, wasn't helping my mother.

$15.00 an hour is the going rate for a sitter, with the elderly. I think if you encourage the nurses aids to wheel her to the activities, she might enjoy them and get company from the other residents.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Just wanted to add to my response above...
I will prob. have this "friendly companion" just come and talk with mom, get her to join social activities that she is interested in (cooking, crafts, gardening), take a light stroll on the facility grounds on nice days, and maybe ask mom to teach her things that mom is good at (crafts, sewing, etc.). Mom loves teaching and she becomes a different person when in that mode.
Since mom's Assisted Living facility provides cleaning, laundry, etc., I wouldn't need the helper for that, but I heard that they do help w/ light housework.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

What a timely question! I just looked into this myself, 2 days ago for my mom!
We had to place my 88-y/o mom (early stage dementia, just widowed 18 months ago) in Assisted Living recently. Mom is very shy and not one to join activities herself. I work full time, so while I do have her on weekends at my place and visit her 1-2 nights weekly after work, I hate that she sits in her room all day long, either reading or sleeping (mostly sleeping). Especially since her facility has many social activities.
I also suspect it's prob. making her dementia worse, sitting alone all day, not activily engaging with other people. So I asked the facility where she is, if there are any volunteers or services for a "friendly companion." I struck out. Next, I called the local county department of aging. They referred me to a local church that has social ministry. This place does have a roster of church members who go and sit with someone for a 3 hour minimum, and can do anything from light cleaning to just talking, playing games, reading, taking a light walk, etc. Unfortunately, it's a paid service, but not too bad ($15 hourly). If I hire someone to come visit mom 2 days a week, that should do it. Since mom is very shy and averse to strangers, I'll prob. pretend this person is a friend or former coworker of mine, who "happens" to be working in the area. Then, after a lunch or 2 with the 3 of us, this person can pretend to drop by. to visit mom and see how she is doing. I will never tell mom I'm paying for these visits. I feel it will not help her ego or her dignity.
If finances are tight, you can probably hunt around a bit more and find some kind of volunteer services. I would check w/ the local hospital, elderly services, schools, churches, etc. I think it's a great idea, it gives you relief and peace and will prob. make your mom happy. Good luck!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I agree that she should get involved at the rehab.. You do more than most and should not feel guilty..

She's being cared. That's what is important.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Her demand that you entertain her is very manipulative. She is not a loner if she craves company. Check with the nurses and see what she is like when you are not there. Sometimes they are a totally different person, get social with others, but they feign helplessness when family shows up. VERY common.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

You describe mom as a loner, so a stranger companion won't solve anything, she will reject them, even if you could find a kindly free one. If she did not want strangers (friends) in her life before, why would she want them now
Ask family to visit and visit as your schedule permits.
If mom has never cultivated friends, you cannot create them as needed, sorry.
There is NO excuse for her kids to not call every day, goodness they can do that while the run chores. They just do not want to.
Give what you can, do not feel guilty that mom's relationship with her her other kids or the way they treat her is less than ideal, accept you cannot fill that gap. Just do the best you can without putting your own life needs pat risk.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

You are a great child to your mom! I know exactly what your going through, as Im in a similar situation. There is the Senior center that may have volunteers to go sit with her. Or knights of columbia maybe... The wives. You can always call churches. Non denominational ones could be your best bet.. They are usually bigger churches. Ill be praying for you!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You are coping with several issues: Mom is lonely; you are the only one of the 3 nearby children who is willing to visit; Mom wants YOU there; lack of funds; and no existing social network.

Do you have friends or extended family members who might be willing to come for a few hours on a specific day? Make some calls and see what you can do. You Mom's reaction to having someone other than you stay with her will let you know whether she is lonely, or whether she wants YOU there. If she just wants to have you there, then you have a different issue than if you are dealing with loneliness.

Talk to the social director at the SNF and find out what activities they have and how your Mom can participate. It may help the time move along faster for her. That same person may know of other assistance that is available. Also talk to the local Senior Center and call nearby churches. They may have a program to fit your needs or will help direct you in the right way.

You also need to have a nose-to--nose meeting with your 2 local siblings or you will be the only one to help Mom from here on out. They need to do their share. If they are too busy then they need to help out by paying someone to visit Mom. Putting your job in jeopardy is not the answer.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.