What is my financial responsibility to paying for my parent's nursing home care?

We've been very happy with a residential care home after her living in an AL facility that just couldn't meet her needs. We found her present home through a geriatric care manager who knew the best in the area. $5,000/month in a beautiful home in an upscale neighborhood that will take her through hospice with home-cooked meals, activities, doctor transport, etc.

as an aside my experience with A Place for Mom is that it is a good service and I did get several emails and call backs from AL facilities. BUT they tend to give you the lists of facilities that pay them a fee & are for-profit corporation owned (rather than non profit usually religious based) and they are more geared to AL. At the time - this was over 5 years ago - I was looking for a "tiered" facility, the kind that goes from IL to AL to NH and has a hospice unit. The theory was that mom would go in IL and not have to move and she could age along & within a single system with her funds running out and her moving into Medicaid NH when that happened. None of the places within APforM in my mom's city (big city too in top 12 cities in US so should be lots of options…right) were "tiered", it was all AL and all private pay only AL. None of them participated in the state Medicaid diversion program for AL. On my own I found that there are actually 5 tiered communities in her area & I got her into 1 of them. None of them were on the APforM list either. So be prepared to do some of your own homework beyond what the facilities who contact you via APforM. Just be very realistic on what the true costs will be for mom - some facilities IL & AL will charge if the resident needs to have their meal delivered or held for later in the day pick up (like mom has an appointment and misses lunch); some places do "free medical appointments transportation" but only means they drop them off at the medical center or the ground floor of the medical building and then mom is on her own to get to the actual office if they are in IL or AL as in theory they should be able to do this on their own. Also look to see how they deal with phone & cable. Some places just include cable as the entire place is wired but others actually charge like a $ 75 a month fee which you have to pay.
Kinda a rip if this is done. Ditto for phones. My mom's "tiered" place charge for parking spaces for those with cars. These kind of things just add up when it's said & done.

Thanks for the answers. I am looking into places and have even contacted "A Place for Mom" to help so I am waiting for them to call. I do appreciate the quick responses. Again I thank you and be blessed!

The big question is cost and to what extent mom can pay for her care and for how long. NH (aka skilled nursing facilities) run from a low of 5K a month to 15K a month. It is my belief & experience that if they live long enough (unless they are generationally wealthy), they will run out of money and they will need to apply for Medicaid to pay for their long term stay in a NH facility. Please keep this hard fact in mind, when you are looking at places.

If mom has money for 2 years of NH (lets say 180K for 2 years), what happens for year 3? Many NH do NOT take Medicaid, they are only private pay - really you don't want to have to move her again if you can help it. Some facilities take only a limited number of beds for Medicaid and there is a waiting list for those limited beds - this is trickier in that the waiting list is really only filled from existing residents and if there isn't perfect alignment of the star$ for mom, you may have to private pay for the "gap" till her name works itself up the waiting list; other facilities are such that all beds are Medicaid but you private pay till mom has done a spend-down to be at the point to be eligible for being "Medicaid Pending". Be very clear with the NH as to mom's ability to pay and your inability to pay for mom. Many places really "guilt" family to private pay for mom which family just cannot afford.

WHatever you do either:
- have mom sign all the paperwork herself OR
- always sign your name as "Jane Jones Smith in her limited capacity as DPOA for Ann Jones".
- & do NOT leave the facility without your copy of each & every page of the admissions contract. Don't hand them a check for the deposit till you have a copy of all the paperwork. Good luck and let us know how the mice-maze journey of finding long term care for your mom is going.

DON'T SIGN ANYTHING! Unless you want to be on the hook for your mom's nursing home bills which you shouldn't be responsible for anyway.

If you are responsible for your mom and you help her transfer to a nursing home you MAY have to sign something along those lines but be damned sure what you are signing and if you have questions make sure you get satisfactory answers before you sign anything.

Each nursing home will sort out the financials with you, and they want you to bring copies of all recent bank statements. Generally, they ask for a direct pay from her account. In my MIL's case, they mail a bill to us each month, and we pay from her bank account, which it totally separate from ours. They also helped fill out financial aid documents for the VA and connected us to a consultant who helped get all the paperwork right.

If you are her POA, the facility will ask you to sign for responsibility to pay. ALWAYS write P.O.A. after your name.

Is what she receives monthly enough to cover typical nursing home costs in your area, with some left over for personal expenses? Mother will have to pay out of her funds for her care. If there is not enough income for her to do that, look into financial aid such as Medicaid and/or veteran's benefits.

In some states, adult children of impoverished and infirm parents can be held responsible for their support, but parents who have their own income would be expected to use that.