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I live with this person, I'm not charged for rent or utilities, however I am responsible for what use to be her car. Her daughter has me paying for part insurance, maintenance, gas and now the tags are going to be expired. Am I responsible for that? I take her every where I need to go, she cannot be left alone. I would also feel that 100.00 a month is not enough that the daughter gives me per month for her needs and going out to eat once in awhile. I hope this can be understood. Thank you.

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Thank you for all the wonderful advice. It's nice to know I can count on a few to help with my questions. I don't want the car, she offered it at a price which was resonable but I am not interested. Thank you for the help and bless you all.
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Oops, and my buddy, Jinx, too:)
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Everything Jeanne and Jessie said, plus, I think the car should go to you when it's all over. If that is of value to YOU, I would negotiate that into your contract. Bless your heart for all you do:)
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The new information about being paid by the county does change things. Things like the car tag will still be the responsibility of the family. The insurance, maintenance and gasoline, IMO, would be negotiable based on the percentage of time you use it for her vs you. You can work out what you feel is fair there, since you know what your personal use of the automobile is.
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Again, it should not COST you anything to have this job, whether the county is paying or the client is. The toilet paper, lotion, etc. should be paid for by the client. If you find the allowance for that is not sufficient show the documentation to the client. If you don't own the car, you should not pay for maintenance or tabs, etc.

I hope this is a very rewarding experience for you, that your friendship is satisfying, and that you can work out satisfactory financial expectations with the daughter.
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thank you for all your wonderful advice. I get paid by the county to care for her mother. The car is not in my name, as soon as she is passed away it will go to a family member. I do care for her 24/7 with a once a week 4 hour break or I pay someone to care for her when I need to get things done on my own. Her daughter gives me 100.00 a month to take care of her needs such as toilet paper, cleaning supplies, body soap and shampoo, etc. I will start saving receits from now on. I'm glad she gets monthly food from government, so thats no problem. A hundred dollars doesn't go that far when things arent cheap. I do know her daughter takes care of her bills with her moms monthly income and I guess thats what might be left. Thanks for the advice on the car. I hope I cleared up what I might not have written correctly. this has been a great help, thank you.
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Is the car now in your name?

I think you need to do a little arithmetic. How much would you pay for rent if you didn't live there? Who pays for food? Are you on duty 24 hours a day? What would your paycheck be if you didn't live there? How much do you spend on her out of the $100.00 on the mother?

It's all part of a "contract" that you have with the daughter. You can't renegotiate unless you have all the facts and figures. Also list your responsibilities.

Tell her you want to discuss the situation to make sure that you are both on the same page. Give her a chance to make a better offer after you present the facts.

You're a businesswoman now! Good luck.
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This sounds like a very bad arrangement to me. $100 a month for her mother's needs and to go out to eat. What is the daughter doing with the rest of the mother's money?

I don't know how the arrangement came to be like this. Since her mother can't be left alone, you must be there all the time. This sounds like a slave labor arrangement to me, and not friendship. Jeanne gave you excellent advice -- she always does. The daughter acts like she is doing you a favor to let you take care of her mother. I would kick my self esteem into high drive and push for what is reasonable. Let us know how it goes.
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Research what live-in caregivers typically cost in your area. My research is a little dated and national averages might not apply in your area, but costs I found were $150 to $250 per day, in addition to room and board. There is regular time off, too.

So, is her daughter paying you $1,000 a week, give or take a few hundred? No? Hmmm.

If you are responsible for the car expenses, has the car been transferred to your name? Why not? If it is not your car, why would you be responsible for the tags?

Keep careful track of what you spend on this person, then show the daughter the receipts. If they are more than $100/month, ask which things she would like you to drop.

I think that daughter is taking advantage of you. She is treating you as perhaps a houseguest and not thinking of you as a caregiver. I doubt that she is deliberately exploiting your friendship with her mother, and she probably just does not realize what all is involved in caregiving or what it costs on the open market.

Do your research. Call your local Aging hotline and ask for help in figuring out typical rates in your area. Then have a heart-to-heart with the daughter about renegotiating the expectations. You should have a contract in place defining what you are expected to do, and what your compensation is.

Since this is a friend, perhaps you do not expect market wages. I don't know. But certainly taking care of someone with dementia should not be costing YOU anything! (Of course, if you are being paid the going rate in your area, then maybe supplying a car is less of an issue.)

What kind of arrangements are made for your time off? Who takes care of your friend then?
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