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Hi all, this one is a doozy, bear with me. Forgive me if this post sounds insensitive, we are Dutch, it is our nature. Thank you all for your continuing help.
Granddad, 84 with dementia, is a citizen of the Netherlands and a green card holder who has lived in the US since 2004. I am his DPOA & healthcare surrogate. He is financially destitute with a tapped-out reverse mortgage, and a $200/month pension from his home country. He's had a US bank account since 1982, but according to three different Medicaid specialists and numerous calls with the IRS, they cannot find any record of him ever paying US taxes. Therefore, he is not eligible for Medicaid or Medicare. Private insurance is out of the question at $2500+/month. He managed to burn through a quarter million in retirement in 10 years, then reverse mortgaged his house and gave his youngest son access to it, who burned through that too. He lived on his meager pension money before we moved in to take care of him. All local nursing homes' financial counselors said they can't take him. We've spent down all our savings just to prevent the house from foreclosing.
During his hospitalization for cancer earlier this year, I pushed as hard as I could to refuse him coming home as an unsafe discharge, but three different Medicaid specialists told me he was ineligible for any kind of assistance or placement, and if we didn't take him back, he would go to the homeless shelter. Even Adult Protective Services was unable to do anything, and believe me, they tried. Very frustrating.
I worry that I made a mistake by caving, and they would have placed him had I gone nuclear with my refusals to take him back. Thankfully, our local hospice stepped up to the plate and provided him medical care free of charge and still do, but they would not place him in their inpatient facility permanently. They have been our heroes in this trying time.
Granddad chose not to pay US taxes for some stupid reason and didn't plan for his future. Even if we were to sell the home right now, the remaining equity would only pay for about 3 years of private placement and he's likely to live into his 90s. Not to mention, due to his dementia he would not cooperate with the sale or renovations to the house, and he wouldn't leave unless the sheriffs forced him to go once it's sold. As his DPOA, I could just do it and force the issue, but it's just not the right thing to do. To sell the house and bring him with us will be an extremely difficult battle.
In summary: No Medicaid, no Medicare, no health insurance, no savings. I am his DPOA. Could sell the house to pay privately for placement, but the money will run out before he passes and then he'd be homeless. Planning for a family of 4 (including mom nearing retirement age), paycheck-to-paycheck. I'm assuming we're screwed, short of putting him on a plane to Holland and dumping him there. The next thing I'm going to try is giving speeches at all our local churches asking for help, as this is truly a rotten situation. Anyone have any other ideas?

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See elder care attorney asap as they know about ways not everyone aware of! I’m sure a lot of people in same or similar positions but are in nursing homes anyway!
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Reply to CaregiverL
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Your grandfather has been in the U.S. since 2004. You would have to check with Dutch immigration and EU rules for what re-entry into a country for the purpose or care facility placement looks like. In many western European countries if a person is outside of their country more than 20 years, they are no longer eligible for certain social services like free healthcare. The EU doesn't play these games like in times long past where people would move to the U.S. to work, make a fortune, then return to their own country to be taken care in their old age with free healthcare and assistance. That doesn't fly anymore.

I really think your best bet would to first get him out of your home. Sell his house and get him into some kind of AL or LTC. Don't worry about the money running out in a few years. Get him into placement now. When the money runs out, whatever facility he's in will work with their social workers to get him on Medicaid. Then he can either stay in what facility he goes to now if they let him, or he goes to another. Bottom line is, it will not be up to you to take care of any of this.

If Holland will take him back and provide care to him in a facility, send him back. You can't pay for his care and shouldn't even consider it. You also cannot take care of him yourself.

First, get him out of your house and into a facility. Then talk to an elder law specialty attorney and even an immigration lawyer. They will direct you on the next steps. Getting him into a facility now is the first one.
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Guestshopadmin Jul 22, 2025
Hey Burnt it’s the grandfathers house
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I am truly sorry for the situation your family is in.
If your grandfather is a Dutch citizen and you are planning on taking him back there, you indeed will need a detailed plan for such. Where he will stay, who will care for him, who will oversee his care?
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DCHelp Jul 18, 2025
That's exactly what I aim to find out, whether through the help of his family (who have been quite unenthusiastic) or through an international law attorney via official inquiries to the Dutch government's social services. Given their tax rate, I would assume they have a much more robust elder care service, including old age homes, compared to us here in the USA.
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i would get him back to NDL asap. The options appear better, if that is where he is a citizen and paid taxes. A cautionary tale. He will be self pay for care in USA. It’s a ton to manage, costs a lot, and when his funds run out? Don’t spend your own money, you will need it for your care. I’ve heard of Dutch citizens going to Indonesia or Thailand to live out their years and pay privately for care, which is much less. I don’t know anything about the details of this. Get away from this as much as possible.
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DCHelp Jul 18, 2025
That's the goal. The big challenge, despite the obvious hurdles of actually setting up his care, is getting him out of the house, on a plane, and sent back to the home country. Ideally I'd like to set him up somewhere within driving distance of his closest family, he has 2 brothers still living in the Netherlands. Despite having lived with him for 4 years, the only time he has ever left the house is after paramedics & a sheriff's deputy begged him for almost an hour to go to the hospital. Doctors' appointments, sightseeing, it's all met with a "Nah, I'm okay, I'm not going anywhere". Another uphill battle.
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Note a ladybird deed won’t supersede reverse mortgage and prior lien.
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DCHelp Jul 18, 2025
Yes of course; but it will give us the power to sell the house immediately if he passes tomorrow, rather than going through probate and allowing his creditors to get a piece of the remaining equity. Florida's homestead laws protect the house while he's alive, and the ladybird deed protects it once he's gone. Given his $35k in credit card debt, and $95k in medical debt, I think we made the right choice in setting it up this way. I'd like to think I've planned for all possible outcomes in order of their severity.
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DCHelp: Consider that grandpa may have used a different name. Sometimes, for example, John Jorgensen becomes John Jones or John George. Be alert for signs of this. Also be aware that people jump around from name to name for tax evasion purposes. Fake IDs, even green cards, are known to be available in FL and elsewhere.

Did he have a wife who had a social security number he may have used? If so, check on that. There could be signs in SS cumulative earnings records, such as a jump in earnings under her name at times when you know she was working in an office or staying at home and he was earning big time on an oil rig. I don't know how they do it, but have experience of someone breaking into a family member's SS account, and redirecting the checks for several months to deposit in a Pennsylvania bank when family member thought they were being deposited into their own bank. This is fraud and punishable by law.
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DCHelp Jul 18, 2025
First things first, we are exploring whether there is a data-matching issue between his Alien Registration Number (which he used for US tax purposes while on the rig) and his social security number, which he obtained in 2004 after he retired. I'm working on gathering that info this upcoming week once I can either find it in his paperwork or get it from Transocean. If there is some miracle wherein I can get SSA to find him eligible for Medicaid because he actually did file taxes back then under his ARN, I'm jumping on it and placing him close to home in a Medicaid SNF. My gut tells me he avoided taxes the entire time, or paid them to the Netherlands, and this will likely be a non-starter. That's just how he is, I wouldn't put it past him. His wife for 60+ years (my grandma) was never employed and never even had a drivers' license. While he may be stupid, he did have enough common sense back then to know that he would go to jail if he evaded taxes so brazenly. I will report back once I know for certain whether or not this occurred.
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Hi. I'm sorry you're in this difficult situation. Here's something to be aware of regarding immigrants and Medicaid: https://apnews.com/article/immigration-medicaid-trump-ice-ab9c2267ce596089410387bfcb40eeb7. I suggest that if you hire an attorney for advice about possibly getting Medicaid for your grandfather, you ask the attorney whether this could put your grandfather at risk for deportation.
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Time to get a free consultation with a competent Elder Law Attorney. Florida Elder Law attorneys generally specialize in helping elders qualify for Medicaid. If the consultation with the attorney strongly indicates that there's a way to proceed to Medicaid coverage - then pay for the attorney's expertise to get Medicaid coverage for Father. It won't be cheap, but this is your very best solution.

The Elder Law attorney can also advise you about the sale of the Florida house. If the sale proceeds from the house result in 3 years of self-pay coverage at an assisted/memory care facility that would be wonderful, and 3 years is adequate time to figure out next steps if/when the $ runs out.

Forget about GoFundMe and religious organization assistance - these are likely wasted efforts.

Good luck.
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AlvaDeer Jul 20, 2025
Free consults are unusual in the case of Elder Law Attorneys. Attorneys who work on contingency payments are the ones who do free consult (say for personal injury). However, buy an hour of time is well worth it.
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Thank you guys once again for all your help in untangling this mess with me. I now have at least a roadmap for what to do. I really couldn't do this without all of you.
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Just out of curiosity, how is Hospice being paid, if grandpa doesn't qualify for Medicare? And has no health insurance? Is this something you're paying out of pocket?

If he is eligible for Hospice, some doctor, somewhere, had to sign off that he was expected to only have 6 months or less left to live. Was this his private physician? Have you spoken to that person about this situation?
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DCHelp Jul 18, 2025
Our local hospice has a charity fund and a policy not to turn anyone away. After grandpa was first released from the hospital post-surgery, they had a special board meeting and agreed to take grandpa in based on the totality of the circumstances. Since it's been about 6 months and he's healed up quite well, they put him on their transitions program which is much more flexible than the once-a-week hospice visits he was getting previously. I really don't know what we would have done had they not came to our rescue.
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DCHelp: Another thought is that you may need an attorney who specializes in international law. There are many in Florida. The right one would have access to a wider view of grandpa's situation, including contacting Dutch services to coordinate his return to Dutch territory without unpleasant difficulties when he gets there.

Did he work for U.S. companies as an independent contractor? In that case, maybe he ran his pay through his own company and used an EIN. Yet as a green card holder, he had tax obligations to the U.S. Presumably he also was supposed to pay state and local taxes. If he managed to stiff multiple tax collectors in the U.S., there may be some agencies that would be very interested in the amount of back taxes he owes. With interest. And penalties.
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DCHelp Jul 18, 2025
That is worrisome, however, he was an employee (diesel mechanic) full time, not an independent contractor, if I remember correctly. He had a 401(k) through the company including stock options. Having the IRS come after him would be just about the worst possible thing that could happen. What is unclear to me is where the company paid him - I don't know if he had a bank account in SA, in Egypt, or the Netherlands. Most likely in the Netherlands. You are 100% right, I will need a lawyer for this one. I have no clue if he transferred all his money from NL when he moved here, and he doesn't remember either.
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To work in the US, buy a home, and get a reverse mortgage, he has to have used a social security number. Start by tracking his financials via his SSN for a clearer picture of what is what.

If he is using a wonky SSN, you've got a bigger issue of his legal permanent residency status and not just a benefits problem.

Something is wonky as every legal employee having worked for a US based company gets Medicare Part A reporting as a condition of hire. If the oil rig is owned by a foreign company, that should be noted in his social security earnings records as well.

Note: DPOA isn't accepted by SSA.

Recommend finding out his legal status within the systems as a starting place for ideas on how to proceed.

If he really is ONLY entitled to a Dutch citizens backstop, you can go to the relatives in The Netherlands and tell them he is getting shipped home because the house in the US has to be sold because it is what it is at that point.
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DCHelp Jul 18, 2025
That's the kicker, he worked offshore on oil rigs overseas for an American company (Santa Fe International Corp., which is now Transocean). I had worked for weeks trying to dig up info on his retirement last year. I gave up after discovering it was all cashed out in 2008, and unfortunately bank records only go back 7 years, so it's a mystery to me as to what exactly happened. It appears he paid Dutch taxes the entire time, but this is complicated by the fact that his company went through two mergers and I haven't been able to get a clear answer so far. While working offshore, he lived in Egypt, Singapore and South Africa. I'll give Transocean a call again and see if they can tell me anything more about how they handled his taxes and healthcare. I also have to renew his green card, which is about $415.
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Grandpa skewed himself. This should never have been your problem, but you see it as such. Of course you want to help him, but clearly you've done just about all you can do. The last-ditch idea of making speeches to churches is clever, but why should American citizens of any religion (or no religion) pull out the stops to rescue a guy who took advantage of their country, refused to contribute to it financially, and took from the system as much as he could? He had the means to provide for his end-of-life care. What did he do for this country? Anything? At all?

I'm so sorry about his dementia, but he could have boarded a plane for Holland at the beginning of it and saved all of you from this sad mess. But no, selfish to the end like so many elders who didn't plan for care - that's grandpa! You need to stop using your savings to save him. If you don't look out for yourself, who will? Not grandpa!

It seems that you have two options left. Sell his house to pay for placing him at a facility in the U.S. You have the power to do that. Hemming yourself in with "it's just not the right thing to do" is wrong thinking. In this circumstance it IS one of the right things to do. Further limiting yourself to "he's likely to live into his 90s" is another unsupported supposition. None of us know how long we have. Plus he's had cancer as well as dementia. There's a good chance that he will not reach his 90s. Fix your thinking!

I'm part Dutch. I know Dutch people are often characterized as stubborn, so maybe you want to continue thinking the way you do. So let's look at the second option, which is to send him back to The Netherlands. If he's living with you, you might come to that solution sooner rather than later. Grandpa should not live with you. He has serious health concerns that cannot be accommodated for long in your home, and he needs professional care now. You running back and forth carrying bedpans from his bed to the toilet is not sustainable. Yes, that is in the near future if grandpa remains in your home.

Good luck.
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DCHelp Jul 18, 2025
Thank you for the kind words. I suppose it could be argued that he lived the American dream, worked a dangerous job for an American company after growing up in a farm village during WWII without running water & without formal education, but you are 100% right in regards both to our stubbornness and how he screwed himself. What I'm concerned about is, if I sell the house and place him, what happens when the money runs out? As far as I understand, the nursing home will evict him, and then I'm a DPOA responsible for a homeless old man on death's doorstep. That could open up legal consequences for me. His family in Holland have so far been unreceptive to the idea of taking him in. It's clear I need to do another (hopefully final) round of investigations to solve this once and for all, attacking this from the Medicaid, legal and financial angles. It should be noted we do have hospice care for him for when things go south, and when he's near the end they have an inpatient facility, but I agree wholeheartedly that this is not sustainable.
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I answered this on your other question.

You need to talk to a Medicaid caseworker. My Mom did not work 40 qtrs and she got Medicaid. Any taxes she paid were from my Dads earnings. People bring family members here that have never worked in the US or paid taxes and they can get Medicaid after 5 years of residency. No he can't get Social Security or Medicare because these are payroll deductions and are based on earnings.

"Yes, it's possible to qualify for Medicaid even if you haven't paid taxes in the US. While filing taxes is not a direct eligibility requirement for Medicaid, other factors related to immigration status and income are crucial. Whether or not you've paid taxes can impact the household composition for determining income eligibility." 

Have you tried talking to an Elder Lawyer?
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DCHelp Jul 18, 2025
Yes, when I got DPOA back in January, I had quite a good elder law attorney. She was confident that he could qualify for Medicaid too, but was explicit that any further help would cost money, as lawyers tend to do. I'll reach out to her again, as the whirlwind of dealing with grandpa's hospitalization was my primary focus back then.
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Nope. Given you have gone all the right routes and done all you should, I must tell you I haven't a clue what you can do. He isn't a citizen and he never paid taxes. I think that a movement to where he is a citizen, hoping they have national health care, may be your only hope, and it's a slim hope at that. I would visit the embassy.
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DCHelp Jul 18, 2025
I thought as much. I spoke with some of our Dutch relatives and they were wary about how much the Netherlands' social services really could do for him, too. Not to mention the struggle of getting him on a plane, or even out of the house for that matter. Every day I wake up and almost laugh at how crazy this situation is. It's baffling to me; he worked for an American oil rig company, had a US bank account, owned a home in the US, but never gave even a passing thought about what would happen once he gets old enough to need social services. That extra 15% on his monthly paychecks must have been worth it in the moment, I guess.
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