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In May of 2013 my Father in Law, who lives with our family, was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. After radiation, chemo therapy and surgery in October he was diagnosed as cancer free. During his treatment he lost a lot of weight and got to just 110 pounds. He had a hard time swallowing due to the place of the cancer he had a feeding tube placed for nutrition. At home he would not take enough nutrition as he would stop the machine minutes after it started or not let us hook it up at all because he did not like how it felt. The Dr. decided to place him in a nursing home to help him gain weight and transition him off the feeding tube. On Jan 2, 2014 he finally got to come home, I was in charge of his medication and food most of the time as my husband works nights. He still had the feeding tube in place but it was no longer being used. On Jan 7, 2014 when I took him his dinner, I tested his blood sugar, as per the medical regime, and it was 317. He had not eaten his lunch that day so I asked him what he had eaten, he replied "Only what you gave me." According to the program he was to receive 9 units of insulin. I administered that to him in his arm and gave him his supper, he said he was hungry and I was glad to hear he would have an appetite. Please keep in mind he is a private man and does not want people bothering him so I left him to eat his dinner in his room as usual and went on about my evening. He had not been sleeping well lately and when I went to give him his night meds a few hours later he was sound asleep, snoring and didn't wake when I tapped on his door. Usually he is a light sleeper. I figured he is finally getting some good rest the meds were an anti-anxiety and sleep aid, I did not see a need to wake him to give them to him and set them on his nightstand so he could take them when he woke up. A few hours later, I began to get concerned as I had not heard him get up or move around or use the restroom or anything (his bedroom is above the living room). I went upstairs to check on him and he was still in the same position on the bed, but now gasping for air. While trying to wake him up I saw his dinner plate, he had only eaten the meat, none of the veggies or potatoes at all, so he ate no carbs. (I also saw candy wrappers which explained the 317 earlier.) I checked his blood sugar and it only registered as "LO". I called 911 and they had me tip his head back and make sure he could breathe until paramedics got here. They took him to the ER. Once the ER finally got his blood sugar up and stabilized, it was clear there was significant damage done. He couldn't walk, talk or communicate and was being violent, much like a scared primal being. He had to be restrained and sedated. They began tube feeding him to give him nutrition as they were not confident he could swallow in his condition. He became a master of getting out of the restraints and ripping his feeding tube out. Preventable only by watching him every moment or keeping him so sedated he could only sleep. He lost so much weight he was under 100 pounds. After a few months the family came to the decision to remove the tube, take him off sedation so he is awake enough to eat, and hope he could recover some brain function. Since then he then made HUGE progress. He walks all over the nursing home and answers simple questions. Four days ago he started getting some memories. He called crying asking why we had not come to see him, we in fact had just been there a few days before but he doesn't remember that or any of the other visitors. We came to see him again and he spent the entire time crying saying he "wanted to come home, would not be bad, please please please" It was heart wrenching. We made plans to take him out for breakfast and the flea market the next morning so he could walk like he likes to do but the nursing home warned us not to take him to our house because he would not let us take him back, and they were right. When it was time to leave he begged, tried to manipulate and do anything he could just to "see where you live... please please please" tears and all. He now remembers some things, like he has to dial 9 to get an outside line like my husband told him a few days before, and that we were coming in the morning, but not other things like when we told him we are going to breakfast, then the flea market, he was confused at the restaurant. He knows Im somebody he knows but not that Im married to his son. He doesn't remember his wife died 3 years ago and doesn't remember the current vehicle he owns. Im sure his thoughts are very frustrated. My question is this, now you have a good picture of the situation, we want to bring him home at this point, but is there help to care for someone that is only 63 and not yet a senior citizen, (he was already considered disabled before all this started and is on SSI) so my husband can take care of him? I am no longer able to care for him due to my own health. My husband is our only income.

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If your FIL is on disability he is entitled to Medicaid. Check into that to get an idea of what kind of financial aid he is entitled to for in-home care.
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This sounds like you and your husband would be in way over your heads - you need to talk at length to the discharge people - they need to know what you can and cannot realistically do in your home situation so they can advise you. Do not take your FIL's word on what the doctors or other healthcare people say - he is certainly hearing what he wants to hear. And the fact that he does not respect you makes it almost impossible to help him. Your heart is sure in the right place, but to do good, you have to be realistic.
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We deal with this situations often. I have been in health care for over seven years. Him beeing home is sensitive, but it can safely be done if you have the right support group. Wish you were in houston so i could help you. But Get a home agency that has that kind of treatment in their standard operating procedures book and request to have a nurse with specific experience. Once that is accomplished have the nurse and the doctor educate you guys on the best ways to go about it. Absolutly Commit to going to all doctor visits. If anyone in near Houston is going through this call 8323684093
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Thank you ba8alou , that sounds like a good course of action and can really help resolve many of the issues.
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You and your husband need to sit down with the discharge folks and have a serious discussion about his care needs. he does not sound like he can be cared for at home. He may THINK the docs have cleared him to go "home" but the discharge planning folks are responsible for making sure that where he is discharged to is safe and has the level of care that he needs.
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Hes not quite home yet, but the Docters told him today that he can come home or so he says when he called today, but they have not called us yet to discuss this. At this very moment we do not feel prepared to bring him home we are are not informed enough about how to care for him as in what he needs cueing (for things like using the bathroom as he is currently wearing a Depends like product) on and what words he is used to, what medications he is on, we need locks for the bedroom window (we are scared he will try to climb out), him coming home right now, before we can find a way for my husband to stay home with him presents challenges because he will NOT do anything I ask him to, or cooperate with me in any way and I have my own health problems that prevent me from being able to really care for him the way he needs. His bedroom is up stairs and he is a fall risk that has nervous energy and wants to go go go all the time but we live in a small place and there is really nowhere to walk around like that. When husband is at work and he wants to go go go and tries to go right out the door, with the no respect he shows me, Im not sure what he is going to do. He thinks because he has some memories back that he is all 100% ok and wants to do everything his way. My husband is going to apply for IHSS to try to get some help that way, but Im not sure what else there is to do. He will not cooperate with any program for the elderly as he thinks he is fine, and yet, we know hes not all back yet. I know eventually he IS coming home, that has always been the goal, but this was sprung on us with no warning and we are lost.
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You already had a near-death experience at home with the insulin, and his care has become even more complicated since then. In his mind, he thinks that returning home will somehow make everything right again. It won't. On the other hand, he is suffering from anxiety and there are medications for that. He can no longer drive a car, nor will he ever be able to. Sell the car. Please realize that he needs care from a team of professionals. If you take him home and he dies from another miscalculation, you will be ridden with guilt.
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Contact a home healthcare agency (after doing your research) and hire caregivers. It doesn't matter how old your FIL is. It sounds like he's been through the ringer. I'm sure he's glad to be home.
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