My wife's father L. and step mother M. are needing to transition into some kind of long term care. They are both in their early 70's. L. has vascular related dementia that has come on suddenly, He also has a heart condition. M is mostly in good health but we suspect has early Alzheimer's (not herself and asks the same questions every day) but she can still drive and care for herself.. But she failed to contact anyone when L was clearly having paranoid delusions and needed help. L is in much worse shape. The indications we are getting from LTC facilities is that he will need more care than is typically provided in an assisted living setting. They also have a small/medium sized dog that M is reluctant to part with. We became aware of the situation only a week ago Saturday and had not given any of these issues consideration prior to then.
The plan at the beginning of today was for L to live in a nursing home and M to live in an assisted living unit in the same complex, so she could keep her dog. That plan fell through when the room for L disappeared, but they also said that they didn't have enough money.
He served a full career in the military including the Vietnam years. Veteran's benefits for long term care are supposed to be $2000 per month but may take a year to come through, so we've been told.
Combined income of around $7K per month
Savings plus home equity of about 2 years worth of income, plus or minus
They are moving from the state where both have lived for the last 30+ years to neighboring state to be closer to my wife's sister.
M's family is only nominally involved in the whole process, M's sister finally came to pitch in on the transition after a week of pleading. M's daughter doesn't seem to want to be involved.
What is the most economical living arrangement, assuming L needs a nursing home type environment? I'm sure we could persuade M to give up her dog if necessary. Is having L in a nursing home and M in assisted living nearby the most economical or would them sharing a room in a nursing home be better?
Are their resources enough to care for both of them now and potentially when M's condition degrades? Based on average costs I have seen online, it seems like their monthly income is only enough to cover L. M's living would come out of savings.
What happens when they run out of savings? Would their income, plus veteran's benefits, plus Medicaid be sufficient to care for them? Do we specifically need to be looking at facilities that accept Medicade?
Are there any consequences related to them changing states of residence?
Are there impartial counselors or social workers available who can walk us through the best options? We're on a short time schedule due to L being released from the psychological hospital on Friday, my wife being away from home, and my SIL missing work. It seems like we are having to find out everything the hard way and have been stumbling around making false starts. We kind of need a road map to work through the process. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.