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Having HC nurse help explain dementia but why do dad & brother refuse to grasp it? They treat my mom horribly-I do almost all caregiving, pay bills ,search for huge investments that are missing so hired CPA, I’m ready to file complaint re misssing investments but resigned to go to probate court when they pass if not before, as they refused to do any estate
Planning and now it’s to late, and I’m a lawyer certified in elder law now....no one should ever go thru what I’m going thru -I'm living a nightmare and there is no one else except for relatives that tried to scam them which I stopped. I had no choice but to give up working as no one person can do all this. It’s the worst situation ever -and I’ve developed health problems so please try not to let your family do this. But they refused to even tell me who they were writing checks to for 300,000 dollars .....I hate my life and what they have done to my last good years but I keep trying-really dread holidays and yes I’m depressed :) Not sure they have enough $ left for proper care and they started out with a lot, close to a million....then they went behind my back left it all to my bipolar bro reserving a life estate but never filed.....so 100s of acres may need to be sold for their care. It’s a personal, legal & care nightmare....and it’s killing me. So sad but each day I find strength to keep trying a problem at a time-got bro on disability plus 30k backpay. He won’t pay for anything and barely helps but can't kick him out as they left a beautiful home to him plus land & property....great..any opinions. ideas appreciated good or bad. I’m tough can take it :) Thanks. Maybe a new perspective will help me!


All I have is POA and that’s, in reality, about worthless and a continuing fight with banks-preparing to pursue guardianship/conservatorship-wish I could just walk away and never look back but my mom was the best mother ever and it’s her I have to protect and she doesn’t want to leave her home she designed...omg

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Thank all of you for your thoughts-thankfully I don’t live there but have put 20,000 miles on our new truck which we got to take our horses before it was to “late” ....while my moms New car sits unused-I can’t benefit from any of this as POA an just want to care for my mom an I agree dad & bro aren’t stupid an they are refusing to treat my mom respectfully so I’ve got a place lined up waiting on ok from their long term care policy.....I guess it’s finally wore me down -the dementia worsens it’s just really tough to handle, an an outside person could see things better than a family member, I needed to hear those things to get “unstuck”
Despite knowing the answers it’s still family so thank you for your responses I really appreciate it-Parents were very secretive with money & investments an I am just trying to get things in order for CPA to take over ....there won’t be anything left after their care is paid which is what their assets are for-thanks to those that answered -it makes me dizzy that is well said :)
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You sure really need to sort these things out. You have so many things going, just reading what you wrote makes me dizzy. I would get an actual elder law attorney. There seems to be large amounts of money floating around everywhere and no one knows where it is for sure. There seems to be some hints of fraud and secrecy. If you have Durable Power of Attorney including financial, you have control over where the money goes. It sounds like most of it is going to Brother. Ok, so transfer POA to Brother, who is obviously the Golden Child. Stop trying to explain your mom to Dad and Brother. They don’t get it, and if your brother IS “on the take”from your parents, he’s making an effort NOT to get it. Not matter how much money you “might”get from parent’s estate, it’s not worth your health, physical and emotional. 

Can you place Mom in a facility? Speak with the HC nurse for her opinion. Be honest with her. She has to see what’s going on. Her first responsibility is to your mom. 

If you live with these people, leave. Go apartment hunting, find a studio apartment you can afford. Live your own life and ditch all their drama.
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I'd get professional advice on all the questions you have about the money issues and the situation with your dad and brother. If they refuse to allow your mom to be in peace with her condition, then, I'd seek other options. If dad and brother refuse to grasp the way people who have dementia act, then they should not be allowed to be inappropriate with mother.

I don't think people realize how exasperating it can be to live around the clock with people who suffer with dementia. They can stay up all night, repeat things, fidget, make untrue statements, hide things, etc. It requires a lot of patience, understanding and diligence on the part of the family. If dad and brother don't have it, then I'd see what other arrangements could be made. Mom has to be protected.
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