I finally get a break and now the people giving me a break are suddenly overwhelmed. What do I do?

My therapist said that I needed a break from caregiving because I was so exhausted, I would either end up in the hospital or killing myself from it. My boss gave me a gift - he will pay for my ticket to anywhere I wanted to go. I chose my vacation to Hawaii. Leading up to my flight, I made sure to find someone to help care for bedridden father while I was gone - 6 nights in Hawaii. I told my father of the trip about 2 weeks before my flight. He did the guilt trip and that I cannot leave because I'm caring for a critical person (him.) I found a friend willing to move in and sleep in the livingroom with father, and be here 24/7 while I was gone. Oldest sis still here but she does not do pampers. I did a crash course of changing pampers with my friend - 2 days before my flight. I left behind my cell phone, left No hotel name or number and just only gave my arrival date back home. Before I left, I said if there's an emergency, call 911. When I returned home, my therapist could see a big difference in me.

You and your husband need a vacation from caregiving. Don't call or respond to their emails. If something critical happens, they can take mom to the clinic or to the ER. If your husband is willing to check the email/text to ensure your mom is not in a life-threatening situation, then it's not a Need-to-Know information. Also, I have a feeling that this will be Your Last Vacation in a looooong time. Your family will know better than to offer to watch your mom. So, Enjoy Your Time Off!!!!!

CMC, I know I shouldn't, but I'm sitting here going tee-hee-hee… Found it a bit of a shock, did they? Did they indeed. You don't say.

Thank them generously and sincerely (flowers go down well). Other than that, you know the rule: never apologise, never explain. Now they know what you're coping with. It will have done them a POWER of good.

You have every right to this break.........remind them you NEED it. The tension between you and husband is not going to go away with out getting some relief on a regular basis. You are feeling angry and resentful because you feel used. They agreed they would still have her stay with them. It is OK to say you can't pick her up. Do not feel guilty... you are doing the best you can.

Turn off your phone. Turn on your husband. Let them see, first hand, what you deal with, and enjoy the few days off. You may never get the offer again.

I should not have read email. My aunt was posting about how stressed she was "preparing" for Mom with all the other stuff she was coping with. That was what got me. So very good advice, turn off phone and email. Will do!

My husband has posed the question to me as to what I will do with myself when I'm not looking after mom's needs. My answer is to get a full-time job and save money for our own retirement. Plus we have a son starting college in 2015. I'd like to be able to help him out and if my mom's still around by that time, she'll just have to accept a few less visits from me so I can work at least part-time.

My brother and his wife are 90% sure they are coming back for a visit (live in Europe) in August. He hasn't seen mom in three years. They will stay at our house while we escape for our first vacation in five years. He thinks she sounds 'normal' over the phone. Boy oh boy, is he going to get an eye-opener and I won't feel one, teeny-tiny, twinge of guilt.

I told my mom of our plans today and she just blanked over. Won't even talk about it. I just let it go. I'm sure she's fretting already as she has me 'trained' to all her odd and unreasonable requests she should be relying on staff to do. It's going to be an interesting time for the three of them. Hubby, son and I will be faaaaar away enjoying a long-deserved break. I like the idea of having my husband check the e-mail as a firewall. That's excellent!

Ok, got things straight with friend. She just wanted to make sure all of her help last week was a good thing. I told her it certainly was - how could it not be? Mom is now 2 hours away from me and closer to the rest of the family. I am gladly letting them see what I've been dealing with all this time.

I'm so sorry you're going through a bad time when you needed a good one. They don't realize the stress you're under and how hard this really is. It's also hard not to take a guilt trip over a needed break for your relationship and sanity. Let them deal with the 8 days and try to enjoy, let somebody else take the guilt trip when you get back. Easy to say, hard to do, sorry.

Windytown just keep "Quiet". say nothing to brother OR your mum just let it flow if your bro thinks shes normal then play along get your holiday i know from experience that when i was telling my sister things on the phone i thought she may feel sympathy for me BUT the more i told her the less she wanted to come home!
I wouldnt mention it again to your mum until nearer the time as she will fret.

We have to use all our guile when its comes to getting a break my sister thinks mums fine? Lets see after 12days with her how "normal" she is but then mum always puts on an act also mums going to paris so its a bit of excitement for her so her moods will be different its awful to say but i hope my sister has some serious drama with her so she can see that mums not normal.

I really hope you get to take your holiday next time your bro calls "mums fine and looking forward to seeing him".

Us caregivers have to be as crafty as a fox when planning our "escape".

kazzaa, Thank you for your wise words. My niece is getting married, hopefully, in LA, California, this summer. That will bring my brother back come "mom" or high water.

He and SIL will give us a break in Minnesota, and then travel to LA for my niece's wedding. I'm bummed about not being able to be at her wedding. She was the most darling flower girl at my wedding. I love her so much. My mom probably doesn't give a s#it as it detracts from her.

We can't afford it anyway. I'll be praying about it. God still gives us good things. It will all work out somehow.