After a horrendous year of my mom moving between different nursing homes, trying to live on her own and failing, not managing her finances well, and me finally taking over everything and making sure bills are paid and her living situation was good, the doctor at the nursing home she currently lives in is listening to me unlike other doctors and she is requesting a neuropsych evaluation for my mother to determine her competency for living independently. Granted, there still is a chance that my mom could be found competent enough to live on her own but due to her stroke, beginning dementia, and the fact that she hasn't managed her own finances in 5 years or more makes me feel like she will at least be found incompetent of managing her own finances and the court will appoint a conservator for her.

My mom thinks nothing is wrong with her, and she thinks that she's able to go back to work and live on her own an apartment with Home Health. The nursing home considers her two person assist which is too much for a home health agency to handle, and she hasn't worked in 10 years and she has had her driver's license revoked for about 5 years now. All of her sisters and brothers plus a local geriatric managing agency can testify on my behalf that my mom definitely can no longer manage her own living situation and finances.

I'm just so happy because someone finally listened to me and I see light at the end of the tunnel that I will be able to move on with my life. I'm only 22. I need someone to look out for my parents while I go to graduate school and pursue my dreams and science.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mom but I deeply resent her for letting her alcoholism make her so disabled that I am responsible for her at only age 22. While my dad is also in a nursing home and disabled from alcoholism, he never let his alcoholism become a personal problem for me until recently when his health declined so much that he had to go to a nursing home. But even then he accepted his disability and he has accepted that the nursing home is a safe place for him to live and that it's okay he doesn't live on his own anymore. I just wish my mom was the same way.

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Just want you to know its OK to feel the way you do about Mom. And I think once a diagnosis is made where Mom needs to stay at the NH, then you can let that feeling go.

I felt a lot of responsibility coming off my shoulders when Mom went into a NH. The NH became her payee for SS and pension. All Moms needs were met. Parents will receive a Personal Needs Acct. where a small amt of their SS will be put aside by the NH. These can be used for clothing, favorite snacks, cigarettes, favorite lotion. All you need it to show a receipt and you will be reimbursed. You then can just visit. Be involved with their care but no longer responsible.
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Reply to JoAnn29

It's great that you have plans for graduate school and a career in science. I hope that you will be able to do it. Have you discussed the details of your mother's situation with an attorney? I wasn't clear as to whether you were glad of the neuropsych eval because that would enable you to officially take control or not. Is someone else going to take over the responsibilities? It's a huge job, no matter what type of long term care facility she is in and if you're tired and need time to focus on your life, education and career, I'd explore options for someone else to do it. The county may be appointed in some circumstances, if the family declines.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1

It sounds like a positive step forward. Continuing to resent your mother for alcoholism will only hurt you. Hard as it is you need to let go of that resentment. She most likely cannot hit a rock bottom because she would have to understand enough to realize it. I certainly hope that she receives the proper evaluation and you can move forward with your goals for your life which you deserve.
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Reply to Riverdale

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