FIL passed away on 12/16, NOT from COVID. What all do we need to know/do to get social security and VA Benefits changed over?

Sorry for your loss Kimba. 🌹

DIL Kimba, I think you have some wrong information unless you're referring only to the funeral salute.   Our local county VA office told me that there is a deadline for providing counseling and advice, but it was several months. 

Who told you it's too late to get advice, if your FIL only died less than a month ago?

Contact the closest VA office, whether at a county complex, state, or a VA hospital and ask to speak to the social worker for your father (you'll need to know which team he was with).    That's what I did, and got good information on what the VA can help with, including arranging for the military tribute at the funeral.

I always thought the surviving spouse went to SS and talked to a representative. I know my cousin did after her husbands death. All the funeral director does is make SS aware of the death. He does not handle anything more than that. When does Dad usually receive his, when does Mom receive hers? They go by Birthdates. So for my husband he gets his the first week of the month, mine the 3rd week. If Moms remains the same, you know no adjustments have been made.

MIL should receive/received December's check because its for November earnings. She should not receive a January check for Dad. If she does, it should not be used, it will eventually be taken back.

Call your local SS office. With COVID the offices may not be open to the public but caseworkers should be there. Ask how Mom will now get the adjustment. There is a formula but basically her SS will drop off and she will get Dads. Too long to really explain. But thats what the rep told me when I signed up.

When it comes to VA you need to call them and tell them Dad has died. What they received was probably as a couple. From what I remember the non-vet spouse gets less than the would Vet get alone.

Is the $700 more than they were paying as a couple. If so, that does not sound right. Lets say for a single person the cost would be 5k a month. Since Mom and Dad shared a room, they were only paying 8K instead of 10k they would have paid singly. Moms should now come down to 5k as a single person. Not go up to 8700? That doesn't make sense. In Moms AL they had different size rooms and paid accordingly. If ur Moms AL is like this, then maybe move Mom to a smaller room.

Your mom will receive whichever SS pays higher & my experience w my mom for SS was that it was done automatically within 30 days or so.
BUT
if in the prior month paid the deceased did not live till the end of the month, SSA will do a clawback of that months payment to the deceased from the bank acct that gets was direct deposited into.
BUT
the surviving spouse in theory simultaneously gets their acct updated to reflect the higher SS payout. But it could have a delay. So imo you kinda need to the acct to stay still with no transactions or if your mom has bills autopaid from this account, needs to be enough $ to cover all.

My mom had a federal civil service annuity as well. Feds took way way longer for anything. When my dad died, took maybe 3-4 mos to get done but it was only a name change, no clawback. Civil service is different than VA but VA seems to move glacially for Aid & Attendance, I bet it’ll take 3-4 months for surviving spouse stuff.

For the future, pls pls keep in mind that the clawback happens. When my mom finally died it was almost at the end of the month & her SS & fed annuity both paid on the 3rd the next month. So she got those 2 checks the month after she’d died & both did a clawback..... SS pulled $ later that month but the fed took over 3 months. If the $ is not there, both will do this over & over & each time her bank probably places a NSF fee on the account. If there's bills on auto pay and those too get NSF & they may place a fee on the account as well. Stuff like this is small but does add up and can be a PIA to deal with. Especially if $ is tight AND your not an authorized user on the accounts or have Letters Testamentary from Probate court that names you as Executor.

On the $700 increase, yeah that’s kinda standard. Just what the amount is will be in the MC contract they signed. If you do not have your own copy of the contract, pls pls use this as an opportunity to get it.
Also I’d suggest that you look at mom’s finances to see if she can actually with just her new SS and her VA A&A truly afford her MC. If not, I’d have a clear discussion with her MC as to if:
- LTC Medicaid program covers MC in your state
OR
- if it’s that there are Medicaid waivers for MC in your state and if this MC participate and what it’s looking like for waiting list to get one of thier MC Medicaid waiver beds.
If Medicaid doesn’t cover MC, then find out if this MC has an affiliation with a NH that your mom could go into as a skilled nursing care resident and apply for LTC Medicaid to pay for it. Her health chart may need to get beefed up a bit over time to show “at need” for skilled nursing care. Her MC has dealt with this before, they should / will have suggestions. Good luck.

Daddy died 45 minutes into the New Year, 16 years ago. Mom's SS check was immediately 'changed'--the mortuary took care of this. I don't know if it's a service they provide or if it was part of the pre-planning. Mom didn't have to do anything, except send in a copy of dad's death certificate. (Get a LOT of those, you will need them).

I didn't have any VA stuff to deal with, but the mortuary that handled my father's body took care of notifying Social Security of his death. He died on November 19, his monthly check was direct deposited on Dec. 1, and it was yanked out again a day later. A few days later, an adjusted amount began to go into my mother's account -- a joint account with my dad, so no account numbers needed to be changed.

Check with the mortuary to see if they handled that paperwork and if they know about the VA benefits. I'll bet they do.