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He had a heart stent put in this week after he fainted at the barbershop. He’s in rehab to hopefully get to the bathroom or at least commode by himself without fainting.
It’s not like anyone outside of PT or OT will be volunteering for that. He will be in a depends until they decide to change him. Meanwhile, the in laws aide is getting paid for literally sleeping in the house with a minor relative when he’s not even there.
My Mil won’t let him cry for very long. Which is why she should rearrange this aide’s hours to at least provide training time so that if he does come home on a bedpan for life, the aide will be able to handle it.

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There’s a longstanding question here about if we secretly want our loved ones to die.

Both the in laws almost died in 2020, together. Just as they always wanted.Thanks to a million plus in Medicare spending, they’re both still here five years later but now with drastically altered death trajectories. Fil will always go for full code because he thinks mil would go to pieces without him, which she would as she isn’t permitting herself to think through and be at acceptance with his going first. Same with his thinking about her going first.
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waytomisery Oct 30, 2025
The evil side of medical progress .
It’s like a successful experiment with some undesirable consequences .
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Fil has been home for a couple weeks. He can use the bathroom by himself but is increasingly dozing or “confused” as mil put it. Mil has bronchitis but feels she can’t be sick since he needs to be taken care of even though they have always paid for 24/7 aide support.
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My question, will the facility allow this aide to come into their facility. I would think there would be some liability involved if the aide gets hurt in any way. And why should they be expected to train this aide?
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PeggySue2020 Sep 28, 2025
If the patient’s family says yes to the aide, the snf has to treat her as if she is us. Certainly families watch when cnas change their parent when they know they will have to do it should the parent come home.
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Oh boy, not a fun situation for you and your partner. Stay strong!💪
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We are going over there after halftime tomorrow. The more that family is there, the more the staff tends to answer the call button.
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Does your MIL (or a family member) go there every day to check on him? Make sure he's eating and drinking sufficiently? You probably know from being on this forum that staff cannot "force" someone to eat. Family may do a better job of encouraging him to eat/drink or even bring some food from home. He needs to not become dehydrated...

"My Mil won’t let him cry for very long. Which is why she should ..."

For your own mental and emotional wellbeing, try not to have any expections about what family should or could do for him. MIL should have and could have been doing a lot of things up to this point, and hasn't.

I'm sorry for your Dad's latest health issue. May you receive peace in your heart as you accept that there are things we have no power to change. This is a very crowded boat...
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PeggySue2020 Sep 28, 2025
I’m just pissed that the aide isn’t reassigned to visit him and especially to train in whatever bed-changing and lift techniques they use.
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I remember your other posts about them . It’s more of the same with this circus .
Try to not let it bother you . You don’t ask a question . But maybe when he goes home there is a video online of how to get someone on and off a bedpan, that can be suggested the aide can watch on their phone.
By the 4 th parent I got more comfortable with letting them rot . Angsting over a stubborn elder who kept putting off assigning POA wasn’t doing me or her any good .
The other 3 we had POA so were more obligated to make sure they got proper care.
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Well I hate to break it but rarely is a "bedpan" used.
Disposable or washable incontinence underwear or briefs as I like to call them is what is commonly used.
The pull up ones are pretty easy to change as long as the person is able to stand.
If a person is unable to stand then tab type briefs are used and the person is changed in bed. that can be a bit daunting to begin with but pretty easy once you get the hang of it. (they never look "pretty" or even, they always looked like a 4 year old put them on after I changed my Husband a but they function well)
There are many videos on how to change a both a tab type in bed or a pull up on line do a search.

Have the doctors said that he will be at risk of fainting even after the stent has been put in?

There is equipment that can help a person transfer from bed to chair or toilet if that is needed but the person must be able to support their own weight/ stand. But if he is at risk of fainting this might not work. The equipment is called a Sit To Stand.

In any case if FIL is at risk of fainting he is a GREAT fall risk and he should never walk unaided. Even if he is using a walker a Gait Belt should be used. But even with the added support he will likely fall.
Do NOT try to stop a fall. That can hurt you and or him.
If he does fall do NOT try to pick him up. Call non emergency number and ask for a "LIFT ASSIST" the paramedics are trained to help someone up without injuring themselves or the person they are helping. If there is no transport to the hospital most times there is no charge for the Lift Assist.
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PeggySue2020 Sep 27, 2025
Mil told the hospital that fil would have to go to snf as his needs were beyond “what anyone could provide in the home” until he can transfer from bed to commode.

Let’s be real about these places. The rehab is basically pt/ot getting him out of bed, standing him up, and putting him back in bed. Outside of that 40-minute hour, he won’t be getting any individual attention.

The in laws have aides. The day aide is SIL who is more or less an executive assistant to mil. The night aide is an indy who has been making over 122k a year for cooking dinner and sleeping there to deal with overnight accidents. Oh, and she also has had some kid from her kinship tribal web living there five days a week for three years.

This Indy caregiver needs to be reassigned to be fil’s sitter in the snf as long as he’s in there. For 122k a year she can be there for at least six hours. She should pick up OJT training as to sit to stands or Hoyer lifts.
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