We visited my FIL at the rehab facility today and on our way home, my BIL contacted my husband & said that FIL is not improving and they cannot justify keeping him there and they want to have a meeting with the family. Medi-cal works the same as Medi-care, you have to show improvement or Medi-cal won’t pay.
Here’s where I get angry. My BIL is the one who moved him out there and the one who is in charge. He’s the one with POA yet he won’t do anything! My husband told him he doesn’t want to waste his time because they either send him to a nursing home or back to the hospital and there are no other options. My BIL said “well that’s exactly why we need you there”. No they don’t need him there. He has no say in anything. He can’t give any orders, he does not have POA or guardianship. FIL cannot afford to self-pay. We do not have access to any of his information so if he is going to need LTC medi-cal, it’s out of our hands, we do not have the ability to track down any of the information they need. My BIL is the one who has all his stuff and the POA and he is in charge. He is the only one who needs to be there, he can tell them there is no where for him to go, there’s no safe place, no one to take care of him. We found out yesterday that my husband’s back surgery has been approved and it is scheduled for April 3rd so.....whatever happens, my husband will not be able to be involved even if he wanted to! We will not be helping out financially either. My husband got annoyed and said he would like to tell his brother to man up and start making decisions. He said “I have my own s%$% to deal with”. BIL hasn’t done anything since the first care meeting back in December. He’s insisted on all 3 kids going to every meeting and he hasn’t been pro-active about anything, he just takes the call from the hospital and then rounds up his siblings!) FIL lives with him too. As the conversation went on, I said he’s either going to a nursing home or back to BILs house and that there is nobody to take care of him. My husband then throws out “well you could take care of him”. No I cannot!! I will not!! I said nope, I’m not giving up my life to take care of someone else. And he says “you ain’t got no life, you don’t have a job”. I am a SAHM, had always planned to go back to work my youngest started school but it’s been too hard because of my husband’s line of work and lack of family to help with child care. I told him that there is a social worker or discharge coordinator on site and it’s literally their job to figure out where he goes from here. I don’t know if he’s going to give in and go to the meeting but I suspect he will
How do I explain to my husband that we cannot take his father in and become his caregivers? He does not have any idea what it would entail. The man is on oxygen, has a feeding tube, and a catheter (has urinary problems, ongoing since he moved out here last year). We really would have to give up our lives. Well I would. Because he cannot take care of himself! I do not think he can bathe himself. We would have to rely on husband’s siblings for respite care and I already know, my BIL will come sit with him for an hour and then leave! Not to mention, where the heck is he supposed to stay? We don’t have a spare room. Someone please help me here. I don’t know if he is serious about this. If he is, how do I explain in the gentlest terms that his father coming here is not an option. That I refuse to become a caregiver. I can’t even believe he suggested it to be honest. I’ll be taking care of him post surgery and pretty much being a single mom, I’ll be taking care of 2 kids by myself for who knows how long!
Also. People please, please, choose the right person to be your POA!! There is a reason my MIL did not put my BIL as a backup POA on her health & durable POAs. She didn’t make him successor trustee either. My FIL designated him POA and he’s not doing his duty here. Please choose the right person for the job!