Feeling guilty about Mom in nursing home, Dad still at home and lonely. Any advice?

I am basically going thru the same thing with my mother. I brought her to live with me in Feb. last year. She broke hip in May and had replacement surgery. Afterwards seems her dementia got worse long story short I had to put her in a controlled enviroment at a nursing home (locked doors on halls) because she kept threating to kill herself. I feel guilty I promised her she could live out her life with me, which isn't going to happen. I do visit her once a week, that I will always do. She crys wanting to come with me and live with me. More guilt. But I tell her she is where she needs to be and as soon as the doctor says she can come home she will. I don't make her any promises. She seems to take that in stride.
I am not going to tell you not to feel guillty, you do because you are a loving person. What I will tell you, parents don't have children so they can be a burden on them in the older years. I wanted to take care of my mom, and I am. She is in a place where she is getting the best care available, just as your mother. I too have several health issues and taking care of her here at home was beginning to take a toll on me also. Which if it had continue I wouldn't been able to give my mother the proper care she needed nor would I been able to care for myself.
Visit your mom or you will regret the little time you could of had with her. My mom doesn't remember me being there 5 mins after I leave. But we enjoy the time we have together even if she is still threating sucide if she can't leave with me. Love yourself enough to know you are doing the best thing for your mom by placing her in a place where she is getting the care she needs. God be with you and your family.

No, you are not an awful person. You are carrying the burden of undeserved guilt and you have not done anything to be guilty of. Some of your depression might be due to anticipatory grief which is normal and understandable.

My mother was in a nursing home over four years due to a stroke and a broken hip that she never recovered from. She constantly wanted to go home and even thought at times that she could walk again and could drive home. However, for her safety, it was not an option to take her home. No matter how often we explained to her why she could not go home, she would still ask to go home from time to time. I would try to divert the conversation to another topic or would say that such a decision was not mine to make, but the doctor's or would say that I'd talk with the social worker about it. What does your dad say when she asks him about going home?

Are you taking an anti-depressant? Are you seeing a therapist? If not, I recommend that you do to help you deal with all of this.

You keep telling her she is home, this is her home now. Even if you were to take her to her house, she will quite likely ask about going home. They forget everything and often obsess about their childhood home and try to get there. Take a break from visiting so often. Usually the NH will ask you to NOT visit for the first two weeks. This allows the patient to realize they are in their new home. Visiting too often leads them to believe home is somewhere else. I have a sister in a group home, if she moves, we take a break until she settles in. Also I limit my visits to once a week and do NOT take her overnight, this simply adds to her confusion. Stop visiting until BOTH of you have accepted this.