When I worked for the VNA we had a client who was a dirty old man. He was always trying something with the Nurses. His name was the same as my Uncles. Ask my Mom about him. She said he was a cousin to my Uncle and...a dirty old man. Years later he ended up being in the same AL with Mom. He took a liking to her. Even with her Dementia she would say "I don't like him". I told him to stay away from my Mom. I asked the aides to keep him away from her. No problem there, my problem was the rehab she was in. He was in the same rehab. I watched him touching a womans face who seemed to have had a stroke and just sat there. I mentioned it to the staff and asked why they allow it. I asked that he be kept away from my Mom. I was told by the Social Worker he had a right to go where he wants. I understood that, I said, but he doesn't have a right to touch my Mom. So, if he comes near her move her away from him. I was telling an aide what happen. She said that they need 2 aides when they go into his room because he is all hands. She said she would make sure Mom was kept away from him.
Stalking is serious. If the AL has been asked to keep this man away from woman by sister then the AL has an obligation to uphold that. I am surprised if this is an ongoing thing for him they allow him to stay.
I wonder if you can have a restraining order on him. I know it would be hard but it could stipulate that he was not allowed to be alone with her in her room and its up to staff to make sure he isn't.
Looks like ur friend has protected her sister's money. Hopefully she has POA. She can claim she is worried about sister's safety.
Something to first consider though is spending some time with your friends' mother, and try to meet the man so you can assess him for yourself. However, I am concerned that the staff feels he may be some kind of financial predator. Is your friend aware of this? And better yet, your friend really needs to witness the interaction between them herself. Be careful of being dragged into this situation.
If she wants to keep her mother there (I don't think I would), your friend could either write a strong but polite letter about the situation, and if necessary follow up with an immediate meeting with staff, including the Administrator of the facility, DON, activities director, PCP or other staff doctor. If there's a safety officer or legal counsel, they should be involved as well. There probably is not, but it reflects the intent to involve high level decision makers.
Or she could plan a visit and meeting, spending time beforehand observing the interaction as well as other action of this man. As already written, his actions need to be verified, preferably by someone in addition to the staff who believe he's something of a financial predator.
Your friend should AGAIN raise the issue, concerns, and ask how THEY plan to address the issue, emphasizing that it does need to be addressed. Even though they've responded with answers, it doesn't appear as if a plan has been developed. Emphasize that a plan NEEDS to be in place, not only for the protection of this woman, but for OTHERS in Memory Care.
It might even be casually and w/o hinting at accusation asked if this has happened with other women in the facility, and how it was handled then.
If nothing is done and they stall on action, it should be your friend's decision what to do next, GIVEN that you actually have no authority to be involved in this woman's care and can't make any decisions on her behalf.
You also want to avoid being dragged into a dispute, and/or the possibility of being accused of meddling by the staff, or of not doing enough by your friend.
An absent relative isn't going to change much if someone else handles an issue for her. She may need a conference call with staff, or even come down for a meeting, although it can be done as well through a conference call meeting.
If I were her, I'm not sure I'd even give the staff another try, but would start looking for another memory care facility, before something really does happen.
BTW, I'm assuming the man is in the memory care section as well? And if so, he may have lost some filters and not recognize what he's doing isn't acceptable. How he's enabled to understand that is beyond me though. I have no experience with that kind of behavior.
My appalling father scammed the government subsidised respite care by skipping from state to state. He bragged to me that he was having sex with a resident with dementia who couldn’t remember in the morning. He was crestfallen when her family found out and removed her from the facility. No, he wasn't making it up, and he was probably not the only one doing it. Cameras sound like a good idea.
Yes, the woman is in an assisted living facility with support but not full time supervision, as she is in early stages of Alzheimer’s. Yes, it’s been reported to staff. Yes, the man has been observed visiting alone in her room. The staff believe he makes friends with women who appear to have money and they warned the family that he is connecting with her.
I have asked this question to help the woman’s sister, who lives in another area and doesn’t see the patient frequently. She has created a bank account that cannot be used without the agreement of both account holders. She made it clear to staff to discourage this man’s attention. But staff has reported that he continues to visit her unaccompanied.
Ditto to what Ahmijoy posted. My stepFIL used to see people outside his window. You need to verify that this is actually happening before reporting it to admin. Do they have security cameras where she lives?
KatieDid2, we really need more information. Is this woman in a facility where she is being supervised? If so, has anyone reported this to the staff or administrators? Has this man’s behavior been observed? Or, is this something the woman is just saying. I ask this because my mother hallucinated that multiple men were “stalking” her. If she is not in a facility and this is happening at a private residence, you need to call the authorities.
Stalking is serious. If the AL has been asked to keep this man away from woman by sister then the AL has an obligation to uphold that. I am surprised if this is an ongoing thing for him they allow him to stay.
I wonder if you can have a restraining order on him. I know it would be hard but it could stipulate that he was not allowed to be alone with her in her room and its up to staff to make sure he isn't.
Looks like ur friend has protected her sister's money. Hopefully she has POA. She can claim she is worried about sister's safety.
Something to first consider though is spending some time with your friends' mother, and try to meet the man so you can assess him for yourself. However, I am concerned that the staff feels he may be some kind of financial predator. Is your friend aware of this? And better yet, your friend really needs to witness the interaction between them herself. Be careful of being dragged into this situation.
If she wants to keep her mother there (I don't think I would), your friend could either write a strong but polite letter about the situation, and if necessary follow up with an immediate meeting with staff, including the Administrator of the facility, DON, activities director, PCP or other staff doctor. If there's a safety officer or legal counsel, they should be involved as well. There probably is not, but it reflects the intent to involve high level decision makers.
Or she could plan a visit and meeting, spending time beforehand observing the interaction as well as other action of this man. As already written, his actions need to be verified, preferably by someone in addition to the staff who believe he's something of a financial predator.
Your friend should AGAIN raise the issue, concerns, and ask how THEY plan to address the issue, emphasizing that it does need to be addressed. Even though they've responded with answers, it doesn't appear as if a plan has been developed. Emphasize that a plan NEEDS to be in place, not only for the protection of this woman, but for OTHERS in Memory Care.
It might even be casually and w/o hinting at accusation asked if this has happened with other women in the facility, and how it was handled then.
If nothing is done and they stall on action, it should be your friend's decision what to do next, GIVEN that you actually have no authority to be involved in this woman's care and can't make any decisions on her behalf.
You also want to avoid being dragged into a dispute, and/or the possibility of being accused of meddling by the staff, or of not doing enough by your friend.
An absent relative isn't going to change much if someone else handles an issue for her. She may need a conference call with staff, or even come down for a meeting, although it can be done as well through a conference call meeting.
If I were her, I'm not sure I'd even give the staff another try, but would start looking for another memory care facility, before something really does happen.
BTW, I'm assuming the man is in the memory care section as well? And if so, he may have lost some filters and not recognize what he's doing isn't acceptable. How he's enabled to understand that is beyond me though. I have no experience with that kind of behavior.
Yes, the woman is in an assisted living facility with support but not full time supervision, as she is in early stages of Alzheimer’s. Yes, it’s been reported to staff. Yes, the man has been observed visiting alone in her room. The staff believe he makes friends with women who appear to have money and they warned the family that he is connecting with her.
I have asked this question to help the woman’s sister, who lives in another area and doesn’t see the patient frequently. She has created a bank account that cannot be used without the agreement of both account holders. She made it clear to staff to discourage this man’s attention. But staff has reported that he continues to visit her unaccompanied.