Does anyone have feelings of guilt that won't let you move on?

I was in the same situation as you 6 months ago. Mom was living at a handicap apartment and could at least move about and get herself to the bathroom and dress and undress herself and bathe with someone there. I provided everything else for her. Then, boom, one day she woke up and everything went wrong with her already failing health, she went to the ER and she has never been able to rehabilitate. So, I had to make the decisions, work with the advice of her family physician and all the hospital and skilled nursing personnel and get her placement into a long term care bed. The financial aspect of applying for Medicaid, spending down, getting the payment trusts in place was a four month ordeal not to mention handling all of her financial and healthcare bills, etc. I am worn out and frustrated and depressed all the time. I know i did the right thing, no other viable or financial choice. Please don't let your guilt force you into a situation you cannot handle physically or financially and one that may not be healthy for your MIL either. Trust me, after you get everything done, you will feel some relief. Also, you need to have a meeting with her children, lay out everything needing to be done and assign them some duties to help get this done. Good luck and God Bless.

I am going through the same situation. I had to have my 93 yr old mother taken to the hospital after several falls in a hour. Scary for sure! She lives in a little cottage we put next to our house on our acreage. It's been a long 10 yrs of me running over there several times a day to assist with "whatever" and dealing with her attitude issues. She had been getting worse and I could see it even if I didn't admit it to anyone or myself. From the hospital we went to rehab which ended after 2 episodes the last one where she stopped breathing. We thought she was gone but she rallied. We left rehab for the NH since I can not lift her. I did call the Senior Services Social Worker to see if I could get full time help in her home, but she only qualifies for 20 hours a week which will not solve my problem of lifting and transferring. I would have rather brought her home, but it is not possible or realistic. I do understand why they ask the family to stay away now. I was there every day for the first 2 weeks and she really didn't adjust until I started spacing my visits. Now she is doing better, but still acts out when I show up. She gets the 24/7 attention she needs. The staff is wonderful and reports to me constantly if there is an issue they feel I need to know, like her being sick or her dementia is bad that day. I am getting better about not feeling so guilty but this is an uphill battle for sure. I wish you every bit of luck fighting this debilitating feeling of guilt. I have read so many posts from others
on this website that have helped me over the years and now this subject is in my headlights too. The trick is making yourself follow the excellent advice to help yourself!

Just thought I would give you all an update on my MIL situation. I was able to get the Medicaid mountains removed. I have not applied for it yet because she still has some money left. Not a lot, so it is coming up soon. I am not feeling the guilt like I was, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's so I know that she is in the best place right now. I still go up there a lot, but not quite like I was. My husband (her son) is still alive, but honestly, she knew and I know that she would not have had the care that she has had it not been me.

Thank you all so much for your encouragement and advice. It is still hard but better, if that makes sense.