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Me and my sister have been taking care of my father for 1 year and 6 months. And I'm getting sick of the caretakers JOB!!! I've never been close to my father. He was always too busy at work for us kids. Just never developed a good relationship with him. He's kind of like a stranger to me. He has a trach due to cancer. Don't know if he is cured or not. Drs. don't want to tell you S#*T!!!! or give him a pet scan. But I stay all day and into the early night with him and my sister stays at night with him. I have a husband and a little boy under the age of 5 and my sister has a husband. I feel like I have missed out on so much of my childs life. Things I want to do with him while he is little... I have so much anger built up inside of me just because of this. I feel like it has changed me, my relationship with my siblings. Because there is so much resentment there. And I hate that it has come down to feeling like this. We have another sibling but we do not get much help there. I won't even get started on that one. I wish we could find someone to come sit with him during the day and at night some. But who does that. That has trach experience. But my sister doesn't want any outsiders to come in to help us!!! I'm about at my breaking point!!! And I just want to quit! I'm so stressed out I don't know what to do. I get so depressed sometimes it's scary... If anyone has any info. as to who we could contact for help with a trach patient to sit with him please please please let me know!!!! Thank you!!!!

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You may have to have a doctor or social worker talk some sense into your sister. You have to get outside help. You've got too much stress and that isn't good for anyone. Please try to get a third party of some type to talk with your sister so she understands the full scope of the situation. You and your family are suffering and this is going on for a long time. You can hire in-home services for nearly any type of care. You need to stand up to your sister and someone outside of the family can help you. Please look until you find a medical person to serve in that role.
Take care,
Carol
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Whoa! You need to talk more with your sister about types of care. There are indeed many types out there. Her idea of "not wanting an outsider" is rather out of line. Not everyone is cut out to be a good caregiver.

This forum has a lot of information on types of care and where to get them locally (that's why they ask for your zipcode). Look at what's out there, see what your Dad's insurance or Medicare will cover and get some relief!
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Hey indyrose my dad has good insurance(blue cross and blue shield and medicare )so I think he could get someone to help him. I just dont know how long I can keep this up. Today I woke up and started feeling like I was going to have a panic attack I use to have them several months after my mom died. We were very close. And I had a hard time dealing with her death. And one day they went away or I just learned how to deal with them. But I am under so much stress having to come over here every day. Got to stay here til 8:30 tonite and it's 9:00 am now. And if I say anything negative to my sister about dad she gets defensive. We use to be close and we still are but I feel this situation has changed our relationship. And I hate that it's come to that. I have all these feeling bottled up inside of me. And I don't know what to do with them. My chest feels so heavy. I hate coming over here. I would rather take a whipping than have to come here. I feel my stress level go up when I walk into his house. And go down when I get to leave. My God how long can I take this!!!! Trying to hold it together for my family and my sister I know she is under alot of stress too. She is older than me and I am worried about her health also.And I hate to put any undue stress on her. I think that she is out of line also. I have talk to her once before and cried while having the conversation. Because I was so depressed I felt like I had to talk to her to let her know how I was feeling and she said she understood where I was coming from. That she had been depressed also. That's been months ago and nothing has changed. I pray for the times when he goes to sleep so I can get a break!!!! He just made me mad not telling me what he wants and he gets mad when I can't read his MIND!!!! I had to go in another room to cry.... Because I'm so angry I just want to hit something... Thank you for letting me vent I need that right now. I don't feel like I can really talk to anyone in my family right now about this. I hate the person I have become because of this. I feel sad angry and resentful all the time. I didn't used to be like that. I used to be happy and content with my life. Not feeling like that anymore and I don't know if I ever will again.... Thank you for writing to me.
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Thank you mindingourelders I appreciate everyones feedback on my situation. It helps just knowing that someone out there understands and gets where I am coming from. That someone is on my side. Not feeling that from my siblings right now. So thank you friends. It does help to get feedback and ideas from other people. So I feel like im not by myself in this world of depression...
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