Feeling sorry for dad. Any advice on improving his quality of life?

You’re GRIEVING for who he was, and that’s a perfectly expectable human emotion, but you’ve mentioned a few strengths that seem to be RELATIVELY intact, so for both your sake and his, capitalize on them.

If he enjoys being up and walking, chart his number of steps or his number of accessible locations in his first floor domain, and increase his numbers or places for a few steps every day.

Has he had a speech/language evaluation? If so, we’re you given techniques to support his use of basic language interaction?

If he didn’t have this kind of evaluation, you may be able to get one performed at home.

If he’s amused/interested by ANY common daily topics (weather? sports scores? news? entertainment?) watch programs about them on tv (using both vision and hearing), and gently attempt to evoke simple language.

ALWAYS offer choices of EVERYTHING, and expect him to point or nudge or respond verbally. Ask “yes/no” questions and give him enough wait time to indicate what he needs or wants.

For yourself, document his attempts at non-verbal interaction. Can he identify pictures? His name in print?

Rejoice with each small success. Hopefully you are trying your best to conceal your own sorrow. If he has potential to improve he needs to see your pride in his progress.

Brain damage is never 100% predictable. Try things, even if they seem silly. Don’t let him get too frustrated, but allow him the time to respond if he seems motivated to do so.

I’m going to do a search right now to see what’s online about this subject. When you have the time, see what you can find too.

My mom survived a devastating stroke when she was 85, and lived by herself (with discreet family supervision) until she was almost 90.

Have courage. You have him to hug and joke with and love and admire. Enjoy freely what you and he still have.

That’s exactly what my parents do. They are 94 and at this stage of their life just getting through the day is challenging and exhausting for them. They like to stick to their routine and they have no desire to do anything but sit in a chair, nap and watch tv. When I’m visiting, we watch the price is right and family feud together. That’s about all the quality of life there is.

You are grieving for the dad you know longer have and that's ok, but you and he must now get used to his "new normal."
If he is content moving from one chair to the next, sleeping and watching TV, well so be it. That may be his "new normal" and he may be alright with that.
A major stroke changes everything, this I know. My late husband had a massive stroke at the age of 48, and developed seizures that he continued having until his death at the age of 72. And as my husband got older all he wanted to do was sit in his recliner and watch TV, and I had to be ok with that, as he was content.
Your dad too may just be content with what he's able to do now, so you too must learn to be content for him, and not remind him of all he's lost.
I hope he is on seizure medication(s) for his seizures, as having them after someone has had a stroke is very common. So is developing dementia down the road, so know that his life going forward will not be easy.
So just do your best to enjoy the little things and be grateful that your dad is home for the holidays.
And perhaps in time you may want to think about moving him to an assisted living facility(that has more advanced care available if needed)where he will be around other men and women his own age where he can get more socialization if he chooses.
Sending God's blessings your way for you and your dad.

I had an accident that landed me in a wheelchair. I am also on dialysis. It's all tiring and my quality of life isn't as it used to be. But what I don't want is sympathy or being told I need to do this and that. There are days that all I want to do is sit in my chair and nap or watch TV, maybe read some. Leave him alone and don't make big deal about and for certain don't cry about it. If he's content let him be. And I abhor the busy work or the looking at photos. It makes it more depressing to see what I could do in the past.

Care,

I can relate to your situation very well.

My dad was very social and active before he developed heart disease and needed heart surgery.

He had his surgery and did well. Not very long after his surgery while still in the hospital he had a stroke.

He went to a skilled nursing facility for rehab, then to speech therapy but he was never the same afterwards.

Depression set in with my dad because he could no longer be independent. He had to stop driving and he was embarrassed about not being able to speak clearly.

About the only thing that was left for my dad was to watch shows on television. He even lost interest in that sometimes.

I don’t think that my dad was looking to be entertained. He appreciated just having his family around.

I’m so sorry that you are going through this with your father. It is sad.

my 92 yo dad also had a stroke last year. He spent 5 weeks in the best local acute rehab in their city. He came home and continued to progress with HHC PT. So I definitely recommend that. Therapist said sometimes they improve more in their own familiar environment and those old "tracts" of memory about showering and toileting and routines can be gotten back into and they progress. It happened for us but he still needs help and 24 hr supervision. As far as activities, my dad does about what you described too. He reads and rereads the local newspaper every day and enjoys that. He watches the Business News channel for about 2 hours in the morning. He enjoys following if the market is up or down and since the channel has live information in giant red and green numbers, he can follow. He watches the local news at 4 or 5p and mostly for the weather and traffic conditions. I monitor so nothing to disturbing is on for too long. He watches baseball during the season and football now. We have a few recorded episodes just in case and a few recordings of his favorite musical program on PBS. He enjoys PBS Nature and some PBS cooking shows. Simple and nature and beautiful scenery. Nothing with too much dialogue, too young, too complex or filled with current slang or issues. He gets agitated to turn the channel. We have his recliner positioned so he can see out the large glass front door and watch what is happening outside, who drives by, walks by, mailman, cat at the door ready to come in. He enjoys that. Get a glass storm door where he can see out if you dont already have one. We had one caregiver who played dominos with him and he enjoyed that and was totally entertained for 2 hours. We found he has no interest in going back into his home office and sorting through banking statements and investment stuff, and the mail, what he used to spend hours doing. He has R hand weakness and can not write clearly and he is very frustrated by this. We tried a couple times but he was overwhelmed and agitated. Our caregiver is good about doing the stretchy exercise bands with him for upper arm exercises. Usually about 5 minutes a session and he is done. That's about it. yes, I understand. It is a grieving process from what was to what is. I talk to him like I always did, probably a little slower and a little clearer and reassure him everything is okay, a lot. ie: I got the mail, the garage door is closed, the garbage can is in or out, depending. The yard is fine. All the things he used to do. Reassuring him all is ok. Someone told me to smile more and I do and he returns the smile. It reassures him things are ok, I am ok, they said. I tell him when I have to go to work and that I will be back tomorrow. I make it a point to greet him when I come and say good bye when I leave. Even, if I think he doesn't notice. I sit next to him or infront of him speak directly to him. I tell him I appreciate his cooperation and help by cooperating with the caregivers and explain by doing this, he really helps me. It is definitely Not perfect. I get frustrated all the time. More about activities - I bought some child puzzles but he was not interested, the same with word search, not interested. I sometimes toss a soft rubber ball with him but he's not that excited. I bought some kid bowling pins to see if he would enjoy that, nope. I have gotten some old photo albums out and he seems to really enjoy going through those. He tells the caregivers all the stories behind the photos. Dad had a Cath for about a week but wanted it out and has done fine. You can buy urine dip strips on Amazon to check the urine. I had his doctor give him a couple refills of oral antibiotics so I always have a course on hand if he has the beginning of a UTI to try to avoid the ER. He also takes D mannose and Cranberry supplement twice daily and that seems to have helped. Do what you can and take care of yourself

Shift your intention / Refocus - be grateful for what he can do:

Should dementia patients watch TV?
For men and women with Alzheimer's disease or other forms of dementia, it can be especially beneficial. Watching movies and TV shows can help keep their brain active, which can stimulate positive memories, improve mood, and even increase socialization.

* As independence declines, it is the little things that greatly matter, i.e., smiling while holding his hand, giving him a hug, or gentle massage, bringing him a bouquet of flowers.
* Shift your energy to the positive 'little joys for his comfort' - he will feel it.
* Be grateful for every moment through presence. This is the gift to both of you.

* While perhaps difficult, stop thinking so much and be present, feeling gratitude for the time you've had with him and the special moments throughout your life.
Shifting like this will create positive energy fields and he'll get it / feel it / and both of you will benefit.

Touch Matters / Gena

When hubby had stroke doc warned he would have high fatigue for the rest of his life. Hubby would improve in stages then plateau for a while. At first I would drag hubby everywhere shopping, parks etc etc and it help keep him active. After ten years from stroke all he does is sleep, eats and watch tv. Mostly cause I am full caregiver alone and got tried trying to keep up. With the loss of activity he has lost a lot of muscle tone. Hubby couldn’t speak or make noises at first but with speech therapy has gotten better. It just takes time. Hubby had zero interest in the therapy exercise so I started having him “help” me with things such shredding paper in shredder as I declutter the filing cabinet. Or collect the groceries bags as I unload the groceries.

my best advice is just continue to surround father with loving and supportive people. And be prepared to protect him from the jerks who give the negative vibe. And treat father in this new life as normal. Don’t make a big deal about the changes. Just move on and do what’s needs to be done without pity, embarrassment or insecurity. Hubby wears diaper now and we try to make it fun so I call the diaper “man panties” after the Big Bang Theory tv show which hubby loves. For a while there hubby needed soft foods to eats so I bought some pre made purée designed for people with swallowing concerns and thicken liquid. I would taste everything he would eat or drink. First I get ideal what he is dealing with as far as taste (some of the thicken water is down right nasty), it kept him from feeling alone and if I thought something tasted good I would kinda make a “yummy” big deal about it as encouragement.

Maybe a little off the mark, however, we were trying to get my mother to go AL for 10 years,many,many reasons. The answer was always NO.

She had stroke was afraid to stay alone at night, calling EMT's 3 or 4 times a week, they finally started billing her $600 per visit, well that didn't fly. Decided to let us move her near us and in AL. She was real depressed.

Loves, Loves where she is, has made new friends participates in activities, now she says
"I wish that I would have moved here 10 years ago, I was so depressed and had no desire to do anything, I just sat and watched game shows all day"!

Go figure, yes Mom we knew that! She will turn 98 in February. She now teaches sit aerobics 3 times a week, she has a desire to live, not vegetate.

Be sure to include him in family activities even if he needs extra assistance. Take him along for grocery shopping or going out for lunch even if these activities require help. Wen he is able, enroll him in a "senior" class or two at a local Y or gym that has classes for seniors and accommodates physical and cognitive limitations. An aide or family member will be permitted to accompany him to these classes.



Schedule some regular activities each week.