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As I am new to all this... let me just say that at times I feel so overwhelmed and honestly depressed at times... My father is 89 years old and his health has declined over the past two years.. He was used to living on his own but now that is not an option. He uses a walker and is now in diapers and needs assistance with every day living (eating, grooming, etc) - my brother and I have taken turns caring for him at our homes for the past 2-1/2 years... and now he is back home (at his insistence) despite our advice that he can no longer live alone. So we both take turns caring for him and share some days with a care giver, but instead of making it easier on ourselves I fear we have made it just harder. I am so tired from driving to/from his house to mine, and so tired of making arrangements for caregiving, calling on resources, banking, marketing etc. And of course now with the COVID virus everything is taking twice as long to accomplish.


And not to mention to hearing from my Dad that sometimes we are not compassionate enough with him.


I guess I just needed to vent... and know that I am not alone...


I welcome any and all suggestions.


feeling so alone....

Hi Deborah
Is it possible to expand the caregivers days?
Have you contacted the local Area Agency on Aging? If not please do. See about having an assesdment Of needs and see what services might be available for your dad. He probably needs a daily aide to help him with his activities of Daily Living. I know it’s very hard to not offer this help but let him know that sustaining his desired lifestyle has robbed you of yours. Really getting him more help is the only solution short of fulltime facility care.
once you cross that boundary, life will be easier.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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You and your brother have been doing a heroic job. Nobody goes into caregiving for the money and fame. The caregiving arrangement must work for both parties...the care receiver and care giver. This is not happening in your case, thus you and your brother should be guilt-free in transitioning your father into a care community. It doesn't mean you don't deeply love your father. It's just that for some problems there are just no better solutions. He won't like it. He'll probably be very upset/angry/resentful/you-name-it. Don't take any of that personally, as his broken filter is probably driven by cognitive decline. Do what you need to do in order to get your lives back and protect your health. In a good facility he will be cared for and you can visit however often you like. I wish you peace in your hearts as you move forward to help yourselves and your father.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Sorry that you're having such a hard time. Caregiving certainly isn't for the weak of heart, that's for sure. It sounds like it's time to be looking at facilities for your dad, as he clearly can't be staying by himself anymore. You and your brother have done all you can for him at this point, and the fact that you say that now that he's back in his own house it's even harder for you, tells you that something has to change. You and your brother do your homework, and find the nicest assisted living place, or nursing home your dad can afford, and then let the professionals take care of him, so you can get back to just being his daughter.
And you are not alone. Any caregiver that says they haven't felt what you're feeling, is a liar. Come back to vent anytime.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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