I'm a full time caregiver for my Mom who has dementia and I'm watching the dementia grow worse which makes me feel so sad.

Today my Mom and I sang songs together. I print out lyrics from my computer, Frank Sinatra, etc. We listened to some songs from my computer and I started to dance. Then my Mom who was sitting on her rollator walker stood up and grabbed my hands and was slowly dancing with me.

This touched me so much.. I wanted to smile and cry at the same time.

I guess I really don't have a question.. I just don't know how I'm going to handle it when my Mom is gone...

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Thanks everyone for all your heart felt responses. JoAnn29, I am so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you.

I don't know how much time I will have with my Mom so I'm trying to make each day count. Some days my Mom seems better than other days. I was keeping a journal but stopped. I need to go back to writing in my journal again.

There is something else I have been avoiding which is making my Mom's funeral arrangements and prepaying it. It's a tiny bit more complicated since my Mom's plot is in another state where the rest of my family is buried.

Also I don't want to be there when she gets buried because I'm the only one left (I do have an estranged sister who refused to talk with our Mom over 15 years ago over something petty). Is it wrong for me not to be there? I prefer mourning my Mom where I am now sharing our house together where we created positive moments.

It even bothers me to write about this.

Thanks, Jenna
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JoAnn29, I am so sorry for you on the loss of your dear mom. Frailer and frailer, my mom went that way too. It was an awful thing to witness. If she weighed 70 pounds that would be alot. ((Hugs)) to you. It is so hard. It will get better in the days ahead. Cry all you want to, when you want to whenever. Tears are good.
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My Mom passed on 9/23. Her Dementia ran it's course. She was 89. I feel I went thru my grieving process caring for a vital women who no longer could do what she loved. I watched as she went into her own little world growing frailer and frailer. My Mom would not have wanted to spend her life like that. Mom had her faith and knew she would be going to Heaven. Yes, he mother I knew and was close to is gone but I am sure she is with her loved ones that passed before. We all will die but hopefully death takes us to a better place.
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My Mom
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((((((((hugs)))))) Jenna. What a touching moment. It will be hard when she goes, but you will have the deep knowledge that you have given your best to her in her last days and made them as good as possible.
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Oh sweetheart! My heart hurts for you as I know how you feel. I lost my own mother five months ago and sometimes it feels like yesterday.

It IS very hard and painful. To me the feeling of emptiness was the worst. The fact that she was not present in my life anymore was so bad. No more phone calls, no more visits, no nothing. I even miss our petty fights. I would be lying if I said I'm all better now. But, it does get better. I posted on the Caregivers thread about feeling whole again. It doesn't mean the hurt stops. It just becomes a little less, to the point it doesn't knock the wind out of your sails when you think of your loved one.

After my dad died, I remember sobbing when I was shopping at Target just because some song he liked was playing on their sound system. That's raw grief. It's physical and there's no way past it but to go through it, acknowledge it and have a good listener on hand. My husband is my hero for putting up with me.

I feel pretty good today but I'm giving my self a full year to grieve. We only have one mother after all. I expect some bad days ahead with my mom's birthday coming up soon. I'm prepared though as I know it will be hard. Tears are a good thing. Always remember that. They will help you through the tough times.
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Thanks for such a touching story JennaRose. I can't begin to know how you must feel. My mom doesn't have dementia, but, I still ponder how I will go on one day without her. I just have a hard time thinking about it.

I have witnessed the gradual loss of my cousin, whom I care for. She is in MC with severe dementia. Losing her gradually was painful and I still grieve the fact that we can no longer talk like we used to talk or laugh about things that happened to us. I've known her since I was born, so the loss of a family member like that cuts deep. I try to think of the good times and treasure them. That's all I know to do.
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