Follow
Share

I'm 22 and I'm taking care of my dad alone who just suffered a second severe heart attack(had 2 within just one year) in February. He's still in the hospital and not expecting to be home for a couple more months. My mom recently passed away from brain cancer where I was her caregiver as well for a year so I just feel completely devastated that all this is happening. I feel so guilty to think this way...but lately I feel like I've just been robbed of my life. I had to drop out of college awhile ago to take care of my mom and dropped out again to take care of my dad by working full time at a job I'm not so fond of and not where I want to end. I want to go back to college, but I have to take care of my bills and ridiculously expensive rent for my dad and I. He just also got fired and told he would not be able to work again. I just feel so miserable and numb right now and I feel guilty for feeling this way, but I want my life back so badly. I haven't lived since I was 18 before my mom got sick. I'm so scared I'm never going to be able to return to college and I'm just not going to get to do things I wanted to do at a young age. I feel like I'm a lot older than I really am. None of my family is helping. They just ignore me. It feels awful to be completely on my own. I pretty much destroyed all my relationships since I never had time to maintain them.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Stayinstrong and lonewolf - this is not a cheery post! Not even supposed to be. What's supposed to be is we have people who care about other people around us and each other. Sounds like Dad needs a rescue. If she does put divorce him and put him into your home or any home it might even be best for him. You could tell him she was too sick to take care of him any more, and that would be the truth.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I feel the same way and have come to the realization that I am being robbed , not only of my life but my financial future thanks in part to other family members lack of help. Sorry I could not have been more cheery!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Sorry the spelling was correct. Auto spell is messed up on this site.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My 74 year old mother. Keeps calling saying she plans to drop off my 78 year old father. She wants to sell her villa and leave my dad with me. She is talking divorce from my dad who has Parkinson's. He's in stage 4. My mom has had pyschiatric issues her while lige mostly tLking about her past and living in the past. She pretty much acts like a young 45 year old, works 2 jobs? Is extremely social all of the time, with tons of friends. She has driven off multitudes of relatives, talking bad behind everyone's backs and mine as well. She has a yo, yo personality. She screams, cries, pushes me away,then calls & texts as if nothing was wrong. She is often saying she wants me to also get a divorce and has basically alienated my husband from wanting to be a part of the family. She says she wants my son to move out of my house with my husband and she wants me to kust take care of my dad 24/7. She has been controlling, manipulative, and abusive my whole life. I know she is anusive to my father. My husband and I witnessed her speaking extremely abusive to my dad this week over phone whe he w with me. She wouldn't allow him to come home for several hours when I was trying to drop him off at home at night. My dad has been the kindest, loving father and I always told him to leave my abusive mother. She has allready taken all of his money. He used to have a lucrative business unt he just broke down had heart attack at the steering wheel one afternoon whe he nothing to drink all day one day in 2011,cause my mother said was not her job to worry about getting him drinks. She is sick human being and has caused so much pain and heartache. She has done horrible things to me and is now doing these horrid things to the only man who could stand her. I am loyal to my father, but if heibes with me, he will just miss my nasty mom the whole time asking to god home. It is so sad and my husband cannot tale my mother bashing him anymore, all because she doesn't agree with his political views. I feel like I am existing in a realm of family hostility. I try to hang in there but feel like giving up everything and all my family in my life to save my sanity.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Crickets is the sound you hear when you ask your siblings for help........:)
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Critique...not crickets...ugh
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

For sure all my friends and family are talking about their retirement, travel plans, me me me me....i get so weary. Happy for em. But i do think they missed out on so much. I know if she could say it she would tell me she appreciates what i am doing. .i would honestly be no where else. .i think it is the non stop criticism from all the folks who can't do anything but they sure can criticize. .. i am sure there is a reason for everything. ..i could just do with out the crickets
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I took care of my Mom most of my life too. She passed away 3 weeks ago. Do I feel like I got a bum deal? Not really. I got to know and love a wonderful lady who enriched my life in ways I could never describe. I actually feel that my siblings who went on with their lifes and never got close to Mom are the ones who really missed out.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I feel for you. My mom got sick when I was 19. We are best friends and I've been her caretaker for almost 20 years. I don't have any family support and never have. It's a hard life but I can tell you that going through this with her has been just as joyful as it was hard. I learned a lot about patience. I wouldn't change a thing even though my life has been devoted to her care. I didn't lose my life I gained wonderful memories and so much life experience. If you don't feel a deep connection and need to caregive to him then get out if you can or you will resent your dad.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

And losing myself, not mused, and life not luge. (Does autocorrect ever reveal hidden meanings or does it just drive ya nuts?)

I'm 57. I feel ya, starting new things at this age is scary and you doubt yourself for even wanting to. There are good things and bad things about the road each of us took. Great post.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Having children, not jabbing children...sorry
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My parents married latter in life so were older when they had my brother and i. I always had this feeling that I needed to be here for my parents and so I spent the best years of my life, the ones where my friends were pursuing careers, getting married and jabbing children, running the roads and living out of a suitcase. I was so afraid of losing them I lost mused instead. At 16 I found myself somehow faking responsible for my parents happiness and my brother went ahead with his life, totally unburdened and carefree. Them daddy became ill and I helped mama care for him until he passed. At that time I pretty much worked out of my car so I was able to do some part time work. Daddy has been gone now for 20 years abs after he passed, it was me again who felt responsible for my Mama's happiness. Fast forward, that 16 year old girl is now 56, never married, no children, gave up my job and career to become a 24/7 caregiver when Mama had an almost life ending home accident almost four years ago. I have huge extended families on either side but not one of them offed to help and if anyone are very rude and condescending to me all the time. Would I do it all again. Most likely. Do I have any resentment??? Oh yes, absolutely. And I can't deny I wonder about that girl I might have been. ..and the luge I might have had. I guess I'm more of a cautionary tale than good advice. I love my mama. Bit I honestly doubt she ever wanted me to give my life up for her in this manner.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

You will be able to go back, with your head held high I might add, as long as you do not get into a huge debt situation while you are doing this. 22 is so young from any of our perspectives. The college credits you have earned will not expire! Dad getting fired because of his illness or disability might not be kosher, and if he was fired for really not being able to do the job anymore even with accommodations, rather than for cause you would think that would entitle him to SSI disability which will not be huge but would be something. Is your rent sky high because of special needs, location, or both - do you have any choices there?

The only reason you feel like you have been robbed is because you have indeed been robbed. This situation is so hard, and you ARE so young to have to face this now! Dad has had something worse than an MI if he is going to be hospitalized for months...and one question is what kind of care does he need/will he need when he does come home.

The relationships that went away because you had to care for loved ones - maybe not such great people or great relationships. The rest of your family - your sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles?? What on earth is going on there - is your dad very difficult with poor relationships with them, or are they just too happy to take it for granted that you will keep taking care of everything?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Maggie is right. You do not have to give up your life to care for dad. You need to get on with school and your life by finding help or a place for dad. No one will think less of you for getting some help and having a life. As Maggie said, ask around. There must be someone in your life that can advise you on this. You've been through enough. I Wish you the very best.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Is dad under 65? If that answer is "yes"' then he may be able to qualify for SS Disability. For that, Google for attorneys who specialize in helping people qualify. If he's 62+, he's eligible for SS. As soon as he leaves the hospital (and thus is eligible and able to work) he is most likely eligible for unemployment compensation.

Since he is still in the hospital, immediately contact Social Services and ask for their advice and help.

You're in a terrible position. Unusual, too. To have lost one parent and have another unable to care for himself and YOU being only 22 is almost like a pie in the face from God. I am very sorry.

You do not HAVE to take care of dad. What you're doing for him is the work of angels -- a beautiful gift that is such a loving and kind thing to do. And, at 22, you simply don't have the experience to wade thru some of the things ahead of you.

You need someone to bounce all this off of. That might be a good friend, a favorite aunt, your pastor, a counselor, a neighbor. "I don't know where to start. Can you give me some advice?" THE FIRST PERSON I'D PUT THIS TO WOULD BE SOMEONE IN SOCIAL SERVICES AT THE HOSPITAL. Those people are your BFFs right now.

I wish you good things. I apologize for the length of this post.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.