I'm feeling a bit panicky right now. Both of my parents had neuro and psychological testing. My Dad was deemed incompetent (no surprise) but my Mom was found to be fine. My sister has announced that she is going to a lawyer to seek guardianship for Dad and wants me or my brother to act as second guardian. She said there can only be two guardians. My sister is controlling and abusive and I am not convinced this is our best course of action so I opted out but my brother said he would do it, that is UNTIL he tried to voice an opinion and my sister shut him down then announced that she could not work with him.
The disagreement was over Dads safety living at home with my elderly Mom as his primary caregiver. My brother and I are very worried because Mom might not have dementia but she makes very poor decisions and does risky things like haul laundry up and down rickety cellar stairs. She had a broken hip a few years ago and has an awful time with stairs. She will not let the homemaker do it. I told her I would do the laundry when I visit but she is impatient and will not wait. She has messed up Dads meds a couple times. My Dad is extremely frail and now has moderate dementia. He cannot be left alone. None of us siblings is in a position to take on the job of full time cargiver. We are over there helping when we can and they have visiting nurses and PT but my folks are home alone all night. Dad is up and down which makes it hard for Mom to get enough sleep plus he is very unstable on his feet, especially at night. When I brought these things up to my sister she dismissed my concerns and said anyone could have an accident, My brother wants to try and convince my folks to move into assisted living, my sister wants them to stay home. Mom wants to stay home as well of course but my sister does not even want my brother to bring up the subject. When my brother and I both told her we should at least talk about it she began accusing us of having selfish motives. She does that whenever people don't agree with her.
I could go on and on but I should stop here and just ask my question. If my sister gets guardianship I assume my brother and I will no longer have any say in my parents care. If under her guardianship I feel my parents are not safe and she will not listen what should I do? I have heard a lot about Elder Protective Services here, is that the only option? What are the downfalls?
I REALLY don't want my sister to be my parents sole guardian, I know my Mom doesn't want her having complete charge either she told me that. But Mom is intimidated by her especially since sister is the one managing the health care stuff which Mom finds baffling. I think Mom could contest guardianship but if she did it would cause WW3 with my sister. I don't think that's the right way to go, the stress would be awful on my folks. I am so lost with all of this.