Feeling guilty for not taking mom to the ER after her fall. Can that bring on more TIAs?

I don't necessarily need "a label".

I am an only child and her only caregiver besides the care she gets which is little at her assisted living.
I am the one who answers her phone calls every day and tries to console her when she's crying and wondering what is happening to her body.
I'm the one who has to report to her doctors all of her symptoms. I'm not trying to become a medical doctor through this journey of care for my mom, I am only trying to find her some relief and comfort. I'm there for her on her good and bad days.
I'm not OK with doctors throwing meds out at her experimenting which ones work best because they don't know what's wrong with her.

True, doctors don't have all the answers but they sure do love to push drugs !

...mostly, I love my mom and want to know what's wrong with her and  why her body is doing what it does.
It makes me sad😢

Hugs. I know.

The trouble is that our wanting to know does not mean that science has the answers to our questions :(

Hugs back, thank you Countrymouse
😢

If she didn't want to go to the ER, then that's that. Nothing you can do about it. You did what you could.

bella - you are doing fine - just fine - with a very difficult and puzzling situation. Be sure to look after you too. There comes a time where looking for more answers reaches a point of diminishing returns - more and more time and energy spent on gaining very little more knowledge and relief.

I think part of your search is part of you grieving the changes in your mum which are also losses. You see your mum declining and want to be sure you are doing everything you can to help her. but inevitably, over time, as will happen to all of us, the decline continues no matter what you or the drs do. The searching is part of grief as is the sadness. Give yourself time and space to process this. And give yourself time to "enjoy" your mum as much as possible, and to enjoy your life apart from your mum. ((((((hugs)))))

Thank you golden23💜

Well, I have given my mind a break of trying to figure out what kind of dementia my mom has or whatever it is that's going on with her for about a week now. It has given me a bit of relief to not obsess over her condition but it is on my mind a lot.
Mom started taking Topamax on the 28th of this month and she is mellow as can be. Finding the right words to say is a real struggle for her or making a decision about something. It's almost like she is high on marijuana... she giggles at everything and acts like she's in La La Land.  I have never seen my mom so happy and carefree... the lines on her face have even diminished from no worry. She even surprised the DON that she hates so much with a nice hello yesterday and told me that my step brother made the comedian Roseanne a chair along time ago. There's more odd things she's been saying...
I'm almost reluctant to let you know here that this is starting to worry me even though I've been told it takes a while for the medicine to kick in. I imagine you will tell me to sit back and enjoy the "happy mom" who is now experiencing calmness, non-anxiety, less paranoia etc etc!  It is very nice but at the same time very alarming to me because it such a drastic change!
I need some advice please because I need to know I'm doing the right thing for her and that this is normal, I want to have a peaceful Sunday in my mind and just know that my mom is OK on this medicine  and not just getting drugged up😕

So, who is prescribing the topomax? Did the doc explain why s/he was prescribing that particular drug?

If you are concerned that mom is acting loopy, I'd put in a call to the office tomorrow to report what effects you are seeing.

Given your mom's anxiety and agitation and mood seings, you might want to consult a geriatric psychiatrist in addition to the Neuro doc.

Her neurologist prescribed the Topamax for her tremors in her hands. Primary doctor called for a referral I guess from insurance?   for a geriatric psychiatrist and I am still waiting for a phone call for an appointment and that was on May 1.  I have called four times since then to the primary doctor to see if they have heard anything about an appointment yet and they said no it's still on referral.
I will call the Neurologist to report symptoms tomorrow and the primary to see what the holdup is for the geriatric psychiatrist

Depending on what insurance you mom has, I think I might call the insurance company directly and raise the issue that mom has been referred to geriatric psych; have THEY gotten the request and what the heck is the hold up?

Do you need to have a referral for specialists? Some insurances do; some do not.

Find out if there is a geri psych team that services mom's AL. My mom felt more comfortable, I think, because the geri psych who visited her every few weeks was a fixture at her IL and visited many of the residents. There wasn't the stigma of "oh, I'm seeing a psychiatrist" type of thing.

Topomox is apparently often prescibed off label for bipolar, so it may be having a "mood lifting" effect on your mom. The neuro needs to know that. It may not be a bad thing; just needs to be recorded that it's her reaction to this particular drug.

Bella, I have to tell you that once my mom was dx'ed with mild cog impairment, which explained her "toxic" anxiety (and got my brother to stop saying that mom was just having a pity party and "doing this to herself") I stopped worrying about her being prescribed psych meds.

I frankly didn't care if she was overmedicated or not (other folks, the docs and NPs worried about that). I wanted mom NOT to be anxious, scared, crying, wringing her hands. I told anyone who would listen to me that I'd rather mom be overmedicated than in psychic pain. She didn't deserve to be that way.

Mom has Medicare and Medicaid

...I can't sleep, been awake since 2
Taking mom to her primary doc at 3 today...I need to make a list of all my concerns I've been observing since she started Topamax on the 28th. The staff at her AL are concerned also (not the DON...she likes this med for mom cuz it puts her in lala land therefore no problems or anxiety to deal with from my mom)
If I didn't know any better I would think my mom has Alzheimer's. It takes her forever to get out what she wants to say cannot decide what she wants to order off the menu for dinner, no sense of time really, giggles at everything, repeats and repeats trying to get out words and stares at me like she thinks it's funny. I want to write all the stuff down on paper ahead of time for the doctor to read so I don't have to say all the stuff in front of my mom but my brain will not work. Not sure how to shorten it up unlike how I am writing here right now. My mom almost asked like a little girl and tells me the craziest stories it's breaking my heart

"Mom's cognitive abilities, response time and speech patterns have all changed drastically since she started taking Topomax on May 28th.  She is having trouble getting words out, she giggles a lot and she is telling stories that don't make sense.  This is a drastic change in her mental status.  She's not anxious any longer, but it's heartbreaking to see her this way.  What do you think is going on, and what actions should we take?".

My mom seems to have reverted to a young girl, talks as if she’s with her long ago family and is demure and giggling. Since she seems happy then I’m happy.

Everyone in my extended family has opinions on the antipsychotic meds mom is being prescribed. I don’t. There was an incident of mom accusing people of stealing from her and wandering into other people’s rooms when she was trying out a new med. That was not the right one for her!

So you don’t like the DON? Why?

Thank you Barb I copied every word you said and have it ready to give to the doctor today!!😍Thank you for making it so easy and clear for me!

HolidayEnd, my mom acts like a child like age too sometimes...yes she seems very happy which makes me happy  but also realizes how confused she is but also thinks that's funny.  There have been issues with the DON in the past but have since been resolved but my mom never got past certain incidents but now she will speak to her and doesn't seem bothered by her since on this med which is great. The DON was constantly on my mom's mind and always had her agitated, I think it just happened to be her in the wrong place or something more than anything

Yesterday the neurologist lowered Topamax to 25 mg once a day instead of twice a day for a week and then reevaluate.
Had visit with her primary doctor too yesterday, copied what Barb wrote and gave it to Dr. in privacy, it worked out perfectly. Her doctor agrees that her happiness and peace of mind is what is best and lowering it to see if it helps with confusion... Time will tell.
Finally found out that the "referral quote for a geriatric psychiatrist out of town had nothing to do with insurance, maybe it did I don't know yet, but they sent papers to be filled out to my mom at assisted-living instead of to me the first week in May.  Sometimes I wonder if these "professionals "know about this world of "aging". Needless to say, I have no idea where the papers are plus my mom can't find her checkbook, and has not paid her rent at the beginning of the month. The administrator contacted me yesterday needing payment so today I am on a search for her checkbook and then to a lawyer to get POA over finances 😶
Never thought I would have to be in charge of my mom's money, she was always so good at it.
When I arrived to her room to go to the doctor she was watching SpongeBob Square pants on TV 😫 😕😏🙃 and having a conversation with someone on the phone. When I asked her who it was she said "well it's you!" and started laughing

I really hate this disease or whatever it is I don't even know what to call it that she has I just miss my mom... even the one that used to get on my nerves I miss her so much. I know I will get over this rough patch but it really hurts right now.   She could care less whether she watches the news anymore either...bye bye FOX!

I'm very grateful for the help I receive here, thank you all so much 💜

I know things will get better and I'm very thankful she is feeling more peace now.