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.... forgot her walker and fell in the hall, got a goose egg on the back of her head, no other injuries. The medics came but she refused to go to ER. By the time I got to her AL she seemed fine and had an ice pack on and seem to like all the attention.
She has had many TIAs, I recently had her at the neurologist and he ordered a wheelchair because of fall risk...hopefully we will get today.
I'm worried about this bump on the head..like can that bring on more TIAs, bigger stroke, etc?

FOG is nagging at me!!

I understand the anxiety, Bella. You sort of project ahead and imagine someone sternly asking you "did you take her to the ER?"and you hanging your head and saying "noooooo..."

But think it through. Number one, you called for assistance immediately. Number two, your mother didn't want to go to the ER. Number three, you watched her closely and if you'd observed the slightest thing you would have acted on it. Number four, even if she had gone to the ER, what would they have done that didn't happen anyway? Number five, sitting in the ER for a couple of hours would have exposed her to infection, not to mention the stress and fatigue of being in such a noisy, brightly lit, confusing environment. Number six, supposing they had rushed her into a scan of some sort, what would they have done about anything they might have found? Number seven, the overwhelming probability is that a scan would have turned up no information but exposed mother to a large and needless dose of radiation...

There was NO good reason to override your mother's preference and take her to the ER.

I know that doesn't stop you feeling guilty. But it does make the decision correct!
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Reply to Countrymouse
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Hugs, Bella. Our ailing parents really put us through the wringer. We try to honor (what’s left of) their autonomy. We privately gnaw on all the wouldda shouldda couldda. Then everyone else starts chiming in! Rough.
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Reply to BlackHole
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There always seems to be one CNA at each "place" who likes to make like we're not doing the best for our loved one.

Did you ask her what treatment she thought they'd prescribe?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Bella, I'm just here to give you a big {{{hug}}}. You're doing the best you can in a difficult situation. Our parents DO put us through the wringer. Don't listen to the naysayers. Just continue to do the best you can. We're here to support you. Just be sure to take care of yourself through this stressful time. You matter too!
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Reply to blannie
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bella - you are doing fine - just fine - with a very difficult and puzzling situation. Be sure to look after you too. There comes a time where looking for more answers reaches a point of diminishing returns - more and more time and energy spent on gaining very little more knowledge and relief.

I think part of your search is part of you grieving the changes in your mum which are also losses. You see your mum declining and want to be sure you are doing everything you can to help her. but inevitably, over time, as will happen to all of us, the decline continues no matter what you or the drs do. The searching is part of grief as is the sadness. Give yourself time and space to process this. And give yourself time to "enjoy" your mum as much as possible, and to enjoy your life apart from your mum. ((((((hugs)))))
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Reply to golden23
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Bella7, I really see this scenario as happening sometime in my future. I have accompanied my mother to the ER 3 or 4 times in the past few years. They never find anything. One reason is that my mother refuses to allow an MRI, which would more definitively tell whether she's had another TIA or what. (She has a replacement aortic valve, and even though MRIs ARE allowed within certain parameters, my mother refuses to get one.)

My mother has said no more ER trips for her "dizzy" spells (last one was more concerning, as she had some of the symptoms of a stroke; this was the last time she went to the ER, and now she says no more). The option of urgent care isn't even appropriate, as these events always occur in the evenings. (And then of course you know she's there for hours and hours, and we end up leaving the ER in the middle of the night. Yawnnn.....)
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Reply to CTTN55
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Awwwe, thank you all sooo much.
You all calmed my heavy aching heart. I have been crying bucket loads of tears all morning. When a trip to ER was mentioned, my first thought was remembering everything I have read on here about that, just like you all have you just said. It's so hard watching her fail every day and then get a little better and go backwards again I just have to know I'm doing what's right for her.
Thank you all so much 😭😢😟😘😊☺️ All these emotions have wore me out but I'm very grateful for you all and feel so much better 😍
Big big hugs and smiles I hope your day is beautiful 💜
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Reply to Bella7
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And if she is not "incompetent" to make decisions for herself, exactly how would you have gotten her to the ER over her objections? The medics won't take her if she is refusing to go. Then what?

And if she went willingly and allowed an MRI or scan of her head and they said "I think you can expect more TIAs" what would you do? What could they do?

I'm glad you are feeling a little better about the incident now. I do understand the overwhelming feeling of responsibility for a loved one. But try to save your guilty tears for things you actually have some control over. You could not force her to go to ER. You cannot change her risk levels for future medical events.
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Reply to jeannegibbs
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Bella, you're going to have see the funny side.

"Sit down! Where's your walker? Stop rushing around! Give me those pillows! What's *wrong* with you today?!"

I am afraid that the difficulties and risks you've noticed piling up will be back quite soon enough. Meanwhile, as far as you can, enjoy your mother's good days as you might enjoy good weather in the fall.

Uncertainty is very stressful, I do feel for you. If everything followed a smooth, predictable path at least we'd know what we need to do to help.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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Well, therapist came yesterday to reevaluate mom on her physical therapy at AL. I did not go, obviously I should have because mom told me a pack of "fibbs" that the physical therapist "supposedly" told her!! Like the therapist doesn't like my mom's neurologist, the new meds Lexapro and something for tremors she got put on, and that this therapist suspects some other problem going on that the Neuro is not addressing etc etc my mom even told her her older brother died at 80 with muscular dystrophy which is not true!   She said the therapist said, I don't know why he wants to just throw you in a wheelchair .  The whole time MOM was telling me this she was crying, huge anxiety thinking the neurologist is not smart and doing what my mom needs. She said I hated to call to tell you this because I did not want to get you upset, I said I am not upset but I will be calling this physical therapist and visit. Of course it p****ed me off that a physical therapist would tell my mom these things and tell her that something more major was going on with her body that the neurologist knew. Was thinking how dare you to tell her these things without me there or just tell me only!!  I basically believed everything my mom was telling me and didn't even think twice about it.  So, I called up this therapist and gave her a piece of my mind and really let her have it and she calmly said no I did not say those things. Talk about instantly hitting a brick wall, waking up and realizing oh my gosh this is my new mom now, how did I not realize that she could possibly been making this crap up?!?!

Hmmm, new journey, new mom, and I'm shifting to be her mother now... and not believing a word she tells me even when she sounds truthful. How do you know when to believe stuff and not !?!
The therapist thought she only had two small TIA's and when I told her she's had numerous ones in the last two years she was like, "oh my your mom had me fooled too!"   I apologized up and down to this poor girl and she was very very kind to me.
Whew, What an experience !
Her wheelchair got ordered Monday and still no sign of it, so here goes another phone call today just like the last two days...this is crazy.
Any suggestions on how to talk to my mom about the storyline with the therapist yesterday ? I know if I tell her no MOM you lied or whatever that will make her upset and even last night on the phone she said I could've got my story mixed up,
It's so sad because she knows she's losing it and she's losing control of her life, it seems she can be so good one minute and then next stop the next it's so hard to see.
 My dad lives at this assisted-living too...they've been divorced for over 40 years, they use to keep great distance between one another...now they have become great friends and he tries to take care of her just like a mother hen😬  He also walks with a walker with the seat on it whatever it's called and is legally blind so the two of them together is kind a like a circus act 😉
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