Feeling guilty for not taking mom to the ER after her fall. Can that bring on more TIAs?

I understand the anxiety, Bella. You sort of project ahead and imagine someone sternly asking you "did you take her to the ER?"and you hanging your head and saying "noooooo..."

But think it through. Number one, you called for assistance immediately. Number two, your mother didn't want to go to the ER. Number three, you watched her closely and if you'd observed the slightest thing you would have acted on it. Number four, even if she had gone to the ER, what would they have done that didn't happen anyway? Number five, sitting in the ER for a couple of hours would have exposed her to infection, not to mention the stress and fatigue of being in such a noisy, brightly lit, confusing environment. Number six, supposing they had rushed her into a scan of some sort, what would they have done about anything they might have found? Number seven, the overwhelming probability is that a scan would have turned up no information but exposed mother to a large and needless dose of radiation...

There was NO good reason to override your mother's preference and take her to the ER.

I know that doesn't stop you feeling guilty. But it does make the decision correct!

Hugs, Bella. Our ailing parents really put us through the wringer. We try to honor (what’s left of) their autonomy. We privately gnaw on all the wouldda shouldda couldda. Then everyone else starts chiming in! Rough.

bella - you are doing fine - just fine - with a very difficult and puzzling situation. Be sure to look after you too. There comes a time where looking for more answers reaches a point of diminishing returns - more and more time and energy spent on gaining very little more knowledge and relief.

I think part of your search is part of you grieving the changes in your mum which are also losses. You see your mum declining and want to be sure you are doing everything you can to help her. but inevitably, over time, as will happen to all of us, the decline continues no matter what you or the drs do. The searching is part of grief as is the sadness. Give yourself time and space to process this. And give yourself time to "enjoy" your mum as much as possible, and to enjoy your life apart from your mum. ((((((hugs)))))

There always seems to be one CNA at each "place" who likes to make like we're not doing the best for our loved one.

Did you ask her what treatment she thought they'd prescribe?

Bella, I'm just here to give you a big {{{hug}}}. You're doing the best you can in a difficult situation. Our parents DO put us through the wringer. Don't listen to the naysayers. Just continue to do the best you can. We're here to support you. Just be sure to take care of yourself through this stressful time. You matter too!

Bella7, I really see this scenario as happening sometime in my future. I have accompanied my mother to the ER 3 or 4 times in the past few years. They never find anything. One reason is that my mother refuses to allow an MRI, which would more definitively tell whether she's had another TIA or what. (She has a replacement aortic valve, and even though MRIs ARE allowed within certain parameters, my mother refuses to get one.)

My mother has said no more ER trips for her "dizzy" spells (last one was more concerning, as she had some of the symptoms of a stroke; this was the last time she went to the ER, and now she says no more). The option of urgent care isn't even appropriate, as these events always occur in the evenings. (And then of course you know she's there for hours and hours, and we end up leaving the ER in the middle of the night. Yawnnn.....)

Awwwe, thank you all sooo much.
You all calmed my heavy aching heart. I have been crying bucket loads of tears all morning. When a trip to ER was mentioned, my first thought was remembering everything I have read on here about that, just like you all have you just said. It's so hard watching her fail every day and then get a little better and go backwards again I just have to know I'm doing what's right for her.
Thank you all so much 😭😢😟😘😊☺️ All these emotions have wore me out but I'm very grateful for you all and feel so much better 😍
Big big hugs and smiles I hope your day is beautiful 💜

And if she is not "incompetent" to make decisions for herself, exactly how would you have gotten her to the ER over her objections? The medics won't take her if she is refusing to go. Then what?

And if she went willingly and allowed an MRI or scan of her head and they said "I think you can expect more TIAs" what would you do? What could they do?

I'm glad you are feeling a little better about the incident now. I do understand the overwhelming feeling of responsibility for a loved one. But try to save your guilty tears for things you actually have some control over. You could not force her to go to ER. You cannot change her risk levels for future medical events.

Bella, you're going to have see the funny side.

"Sit down! Where's your walker? Stop rushing around! Give me those pillows! What's *wrong* with you today?!"

I am afraid that the difficulties and risks you've noticed piling up will be back quite soon enough. Meanwhile, as far as you can, enjoy your mother's good days as you might enjoy good weather in the fall.

Uncertainty is very stressful, I do feel for you. If everything followed a smooth, predictable path at least we'd know what we need to do to help.

I'm so glad that the neuro doc ordered a wheelchair; if your mom is 'forgetting" her walker, a wheelchair may be a much safer option and give her more freedom, and more safety, within her AL.

I'd think that the stress of the ER might do more damage than good at this point.

If she'd had another TIA, would there be a treatment for that? Is she already on blood thinners to prevent stroke?

I would consult with the neurologist by phone if you are worried.