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For some reason, tonight I just decided to check into pre planning the funeral for my Mom. This is something I did not plan on doing. But I decided that it is better that I address these issues before I become too emotional to deal with it. Now I am feeling guilty. Why am I feeling so guilty??? I know my brother will want to have input but I felt like I needed to get the initial inquiry out there and face it, rather than wait until a time when I am too beside myself to plan something that would be truly meaningful . I pray it is a long time off...still the guilt is overwhelming.......

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I am counting on not needing it for a while yet, but if I know it is done, I think it will help when the time does come. I do remember going with Mama and my brother when my Daddy passed and it almost killed me. Like you, I was sick, and it made me literally angry when the people were showing us "models" of coffins as we were in the showroom...they were very nice, it was not them, it was me, and just the notion of choosing a coffin was devastating. I am going to get this done, and then I am going to get mine planned as well. This is not something that needs to be on the shoulders of folks who have just lost loved ones.

I guess I avoided it as it has made me feel like I am rushing someone along. Now that I am in the midst of it, it feels more like I am just getting things in order and when it is needed (hopefully a very very long time down the road) it is handled...
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Pre-planning a funeral is a well thought out plan. Many elderly people do it themselves when they get to be a certain age. It makes perfect sense. My parents did not make arrangements and my brother and I were left with the daunting task of having to do it all and it was awful. At the time in your life when you want to hunker down and just be with family you have to instead be on the phone all day and make trips to and from the funeral home to complete the arrangements. I remember sitting in the conference room of the funeral home after my mom died, having to run to and from the bathroom to get sick.

You did the right thing and you'll be so relieved that you made such a prudent decision.
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With the enormous amount of emotion I am already feeling I think it is best to go ahead and at least get something done. That is what Mama would do I think. I want to plan something that is "her"...and that does not have to be grandiose...in fact, Mama was such a lover of nature, animals, her family..I would rather it be less grandiose and more loving and personal. I think sometimes in the emotion of it all, we are too tempted to do "more" because it seems to help at the time, when in fact, what our loved ones would want would be to remember the "them" that they were... :) if that makes sense....I don't make a lot of sense sometimes I think....but I want to honor her...Mama is the most amazing woman on the planet..always has been and always will be. I cannot contain the emotion I feel these days....

I don't mean this to sound rude or awful, but my sister in law has not been to see my Mama in over two years...even though she goes right past this street weekly. It is unimagineable to me...I will never....NEVER understand it...and I know that when the time comes for planning she will probably be sitting there thinking she is going to be involved in the planning. She will not be. My Mama was sweet and loving to her as was our entire family and how she could abandon my Mama and me during this time is hard for me to get past....but even in that, I know Mama would say....just feel sorry for her, she obviously has problems and you don't know what burdens she carries....My Mama is a lot nicer and more forgiving then I am ...
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Hope, good decision. Funerals are much easier to plan from a distance of time. The guilt and sadness you feel is natural, so let yourself feel them. You may feel better after the arrangements are finalized. I used to work with people who had AIDS back in the day where it was always lethal. There was a saying that I heard a lot from the people when it came to arranging their funerals: "You have to take care of the dying before you can get on with the living." I think it is very true. IMO, the most important decision is selecting a funeral home and see what type of "packages" they offer. A good funeral home will be by your side when you need them most, helping you things besides the funeral.

It is so much better to plan for things in the future than if it becomes present. You are doing just what you need to do. Major hugs while you go through this.
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