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I have a unique situation where my mom lives with my sibling and they both need a caregiver. Mom has Alzheimer's (moderate stage) and sibling has multiple health issues and works full time. The home is almost to the hoarding level and mom isn't ready to move in with me. They live an hour away. I go when my schedule allows and try to clean and cook, but it's really weekly help they need. I have kids in school and a part time job and could go out there weekly, but it would be tons of driving and emotional stress. Is that bad to look for a caregiver for them or should I be an amazing daughter and drive out there a few times a week to help?

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It is NOT bad to be realistic and preserve your sanity and energy for your kids -- they are your primary responsibility. Even if you lived next door to your mom and sibling it would be biting off more than you could possibly chew to manage your immediate family and theirs. How would your sibling react to a change in the care format? Maybe s/he is stressed by having most of the responsibility. It is hard to know what to recommend since we don't have a sense of your mom's financial situation. If she has means, you can hire a service like Visiting Angels for her care during the hours your sibling works. I have had good experiences with them.

If your mom doesn't have financial means, then I totally agree with Ahmijoy about calling social services, especially if your mom is being left alone and also if there is hoarding going on. Who is the hoarder? If it's your mom then definitely don't bring her to your place or it will start up there. Maybe you can get your mom on Medicaid and there will be more options for her care. Please don't feel guilty about not caring for her yourself...trust me, it is way more work than you can ever imagine (because as your mom declines her care needs will increase, and she is quite young so it may go on for a many years). "Love" and "good intentions" won't carry you through. You will burn out trying.

Who is your mom's Power of Attorney or guardian? Getting the legal ducks in a row will help you put wheels in motion more easily.
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Reply to Geaton777
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My experience with Adult Protective Services is that they do more than just investigate abuse and neglect. If you call them to report adults at risk, they won’t come in like gangbusters looking for someone to throw in the pokey. They will send out a caseworker to assess the situation and put the wheels in motion to get them help. If Mom has even moderate cognitive issues, APS may decide she shouldn’t be left alone while sibling works. If they see the home is not a safe environment for them, they won’t hesitate to make decisions you are “on the fence” about. There is no reason for you to feel guilty about anything. Rather than “the amazing daughter”, you will become the “stressed and burned out” daughter.

The only pitfall is that it may cause anger and resentment in Mom and your sibling. People with the issues you have described seldom think they HAVE issues. There is always the option to hire and foot the bill for a caregiver. But, they’re expensive and truthfully, you shouldn’t have to pay for this yourself. However, if you don’t have access to their finances, if you decide to go this route, you’d have to pay for the caregiver yourself. And, they might not let the CG inside. The people from APS know how to deal with these situations. They can convince your Mom and sibling that help is necessary and your name will not come up.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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If you can afford a caregiver once in a while it is a wonderful thing to do. The one thing that you must NOT do is change the living situation to your own home or it will never change. You can help all you can yourself and hire help. As to feeling guilty, that part I don't understand at all. And the truth is that you can feel any way you want. Not everything in life is something to be happy about, something to celebrate. Much of it is grueling and gruesome. Only decent people feel sorry and guilty and cry. The rest don't care.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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