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Hoping that I would be able to get a break soon. Have been waking up more and more achy and tired of running on low. Feeling inadequate when it comes to caring for my grandma. When I ask for one day off my mom (grandma's daughter) will usually text me in a panic asking if I'd be home. Is it really that hard to take care of someone? Yes. Ok lemme rephrase that question, would you really want to spend 24/7 taking care of someone who is forgetting how to do normal things and can't properly care for herself? I have been a "built in nanny" since my first brother was born when I was 8 so my grandma has purpose again after my grandpa died. I learned way too much about how to care for kids at a young age. I struggled in school but was because I suffer from bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety. I am the eldest of 3 half brothers from my mom and step dad. My parents both work full time and sometimes overtime so we have been hard working middle class for all my life. Living comfortorble for being second generation Mexican Americans. My parents obsession with work life and now suffering mid life crisis I'm struggling with trying to tell my mom that it's a lot for me. Every time I say I can't do it (I've helped with both households pretty much went to back to school night and helped with hmwk for the entirety of my brother's school yr.) I'm known at their school as their mom.... and they have met their actual mom😓 I have moved back into my childhood home (grandma's house) ultimately to get away from family (tensions ran high between parents and I because of my bipolar depression and and my grandma had emergency bypass and heart valve replacement. So it was convenient. Had been working part time since 2014 but since my grandma's last stroke a month ago I stopped calling work and they stopped calling me the night it happened. Im 27 years old and I really love my grandma and miss my grandpa dearly. But there are days where I just want to shut myself out and cry myself into oblivion.

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You need to be out and lead your own life.
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Thank you for your responses and yes I am getting more insight on how my grandma is and she may need extra help. I'm definitely gonna try and do something. I'm already wanting an out
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I am trying hard to find the positive in this situation but ultimately my grandma's progression really questions my ability in all sorts of ways. And to make things worse my mom has shown signs as well (it runs in their family, my great grandma had died from vascular dementia) My mom has voiced her own concerns about her own memory but yea I've had more parental bond with my grandparents rather than my actual birth parents. These past months ive dealt with family hoopla from uncles because I had decided to not come home the night of my mom's 50th party (I was drunk) He got so upset and flustered when the home care nurse told him what to do and educating him about grandma (which ive been through many times after all her discharges from surgeries or hospital stays) My grandma had all her siblings visit from Mexico and try to meddle and cause her to Showtime and make me look bad for trying to feed her too much food. (She relates her water retention as fat. She also hasCHF) The entire time my uncle was there to visit after her recent trip he left ME a nice note from what the nurse said. But he can go smoke his cigs out back and "fix it around the house". He has been educated on her oxygen. So yea I'm trying hard to not snap. My mom had to defend me from my uncle talking sh*t about me not doing my job. And I know for a fact he still thinks this way. His wife influences him in a lot and she is super judgemental. They had visited before her recent stroke and she had CONGRADULATED ME ON GROWING UP. But still needed to give me advice on getting a better job (was cashier at dollar tree atm) so I would deal with different class of people. Ironically enough, she lost her bank teller job and is now a waitress at a Mexican restaurant in South Dakota, and she doesnt speak a lick Spanish. And she married into a mexican family!!!!! AYE QUE IRONICO
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Dear Mila,

I don't read any love, only guilt motivated manipulation in your family dynamics with you getting the short side of the deal and ending up feeling bad about yourself. That is not what healthy families do. You are being used and have been used for some time. It is past time for you to get up and move on as you find other ways that your grandmother can be cared for. She's your mother's mother for gosh sakes! I would let your mother know that you will no longer be her slave.
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Dear Mila,

I'm so sorry to hear about the situation you are in. I know you love and care about your grandma. But it is not reasonable for your family to expect you to take care of her. You are a young woman of 27 years old and deserve to live your life. Have a family if you want. To travel. To explore. Find a job.

I know the guilt can be overwhelming. But look at the toll it has taken on you, my friend. I grew up as desperate pleaser to my whole family. No boundaries at all. Even strangers took advantage of me. There must be something about my face that said, you can ask her for anything and she will do it.

Its time to look at other options for your grandmother. Talk to a social worker, a counsellor or family therapist. Talk to the Adult Protective Services. Look at senior resources in the community. Doing all of this doesn't mean you don't care or won't be visiting her anymore, only that you need a more healthy balance.

I wish I had done this sooner for myself. Because as time went on, trying to help everyone but myself leads to a lot of anger and resentment. Its not good for anyone.

Take care of yourself the best you can. Know that you have the power to make a change.
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*edit anytime I'd mention an alternative to care she would guilt me and say that she needs me. That's how she got me to move back from vegas in 2009 grandma had both hips replaced
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