My MIL and SIL stay with my DH and I in our very small two bedroom home along with our two children. It's definitely not enough space for all of us and I frequently find myself wanting to run away. The caregiving role was pretty much forced upon me. My husband and I would argue about it forseeing it would happen and I would always let him know that I didn't want it. I would feel like a terrible person saying this but I knew the stress that comes with caregiving and I'm an introvert who needs my space.
Well things have happened to where her health declined and she's forced to live with us. I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed and weighed down. Not only am I helping with the caregiving but I'm also a new mom to infant twins. I barely sleep and I still have to get up every morning to a full time job. I feel like my husband tries to do his best but our relationship is not how it once was. His main concern has been his mom for the past years and we have no time for romance. It's hard to even try to be intimate sharing such close quarters with my MIL and SIL. Basically I had to give up our babies room so my MIL could have a room of her own. I will say my MIL is a sweet person and I never had a negative relationship with her nor with my SIL but things are different once you live with a person. Again I'm an introvert who needs my own space.
I feel like I'm always on. I never have a moment to myself. When I get home all I want to do is relax but I'm immediately tending to the needs of either my babies or my MIL. We all try to chip in but it's hard and I feel like I'm wearing myself thin. My husband and I have only went on one date since last year. I feel like all we ever talk about is his mom and her health. I'm always tied to the house because its 24/7 care needed for both her and the babies.
I cant concentrate at work anymore and afraid I'm developing insomnia. I just dont know what to do and feel so hopeless like my marriage is over. But the thing is my husband is a good person that's why I feel bad. He has always been a self proclaimed "mamas boy" which I thought was cute initially, but not so much anymore.
There are things he has done that has also made me feel less important. For example when his mom would wake multiple times at night he and his sister would take shifts to tend to her but it was not so with me and the babies until I mentioned it. I gave up my bed for my MIL and slept on the couch or even the floor sometimes, all while I was transitioning back to work, until I decided to let the babies sleep in our room so she can have theirs instead. I could go on and on but I'll cut it short.
Basically I just feel emotionally drained and wanting some normalcy back in my life. I dont know if our relationship will ever get back to where it was. The intimacy is dead and I'm sad about that yet don't know how to fix it. Am I being selfish for the way I feel?