Is anyone else out there feeling depressed about the holidays and the loneliness of being a caregiver?

My dad will no longer be driving. Is there some type of service where a person could call and visit with him a few times a week? He will be so lonely now that he will not be going to his church, the mall, shopping, etc

My mom is still with us but in a nursing home. She can't come home with us because she is so hard to take care of, and doesn't realize it is Christmas. Last year she was with us and pretty much zoned out, didn't remember why we were there, didn't enjoy opening presents. Yes, I am sad she won't be here to share it with us, feeling guilty, wishing there was some way. So, I will visit her Christmas day, but five minutes after I leave she won't remember and will ask where the presents came from, and five minutes after that she will stick them in a drawer and forget them too. Its sad.

Hi Everyone. All our feelings are in stereo! All our stories are the same versions of caregiver distress and self-absorbed "loved ones". Giving gifts seems like a corny and even like a bad joke, when your giving every day is already a chore and a source of dis-ease. If you try to connect with your spiritual self, it's all even more glaring: I see my impatience, my own imperfections, my lack of enthusiasm in doing one more thing for someone else, even smiling to a stranger brings on my rebellious thought: "I don't want to smile today, I'm going nuts trying to take care of Mom in this crowded supermarket." Why do people expect us to always smile: can't I have my own private face and private space to just vent off some steam? I'm not hurting anyone. Mom doesn't even know or possibly CARE how I feel. After all, she thinks I should be thrilled to cater to her every whim!

Gift giving is an act of battling guilt. If you don't send me cards, I'll have less to feel guilty about! ha.

Meanwhile back at the ranch...The exterior self tries to unite with the inner joyous untouched spirit-self. How can we do this holiday business so that it is healing for the "loved ones" and hey, maybe even me? Oh God...are You still waiting for me? I'll get to you...later...maybe later. I think God will sneak into my heart when I forget myself and drop my guard: not the mouth-guard, that is.

Every Christmas the "magic" people refer to is just that. The softening of hurt feelings, and the letting go of bad memories, as you wrap a present and give it anyways. Somewhere in all this is the flickering candle of love that miraculously survives the storms of caregiving. When it finally sinks into my presence I can bask in the beauty of gratitude.

Peace and yes, let's still be glad for all we have, who we are with, and for the miracle of ourselves and the strength that goes on.