How do you deal with feeling depressed once you leave the nursing home after visiting your loved one?

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I enjoy seeing my parent. The emotions I feel entering and leaving the nursing home weigh heavily on my mind for awhile. Nursing homes are just sad environments no matter how many activities.

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My Mom has been in one for almost two years now-dementia. It is very depression/anxiety inducing to have to place your loved one in a facility -I know she's safe, gets her meals and meds properly now- but years past pass before my eyes whenever I see her like this. Most important thing you can do is assure them you will never abandon them. My prayers go out to all dealing with this heart wrenching time of life.
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Its so tough. I try to see my grandmother in the nursing home once a week but since my father passed I have only gone once a month if that. She is in a new facility and the staff seem to be pleasant. But I know how much she would prefer to be at home. I think it takes a long time for our minds to accept this new phase in life. That one day this might be me hits me very hard.
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Wow, I read your posts and honestly I went into a nursing home to visit an old family friend. I'm a terrible person for not visiting more often, I brought her flowers, the kind she likes, and my mother failed to tell me she could no longer speak from the stroke she had. Shes 91 and it was such a sad sight to see her eyes follow my every word, I had no idea what to talk about, so I just rambled on and on about my life and family and friends and our new president elect lol, but as soon as I left I started to cry. She is such a funny lady, always cracking jokes and basically would call you out on your shit if you failed to do anything good in life, I just felt so sad that age really hits us all.
I have no idea how you guys can handle all of this especially with your own parents, I really have to give it to you all, they are being cared for and that is true love, true love for all the things you do.
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It's very hard, I know. My mom was in a SNF for four months, first in rehab, which was ok, as she had a private room. Then she was transferred to the longterm care unit with a cranky roommate. It was a nightmare--out of it, decrepit people "parked" in a central room all day. I would leave her there and just fall to pieces. Now she is back home with 24/7 care and it's much better. Spending even a few hours in that SNF is sad and suffocating.
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My mother was moved to Healthcare II I the hopes of getting her to do Physical Therapy. She was in AL and she started needing three people to transfer her, and she was falling. So she didn't want PTand they asked her if she wanted to get some strength so she can go back to her AL apartment. She said no, that she was happy where she was. I think AL was overwhelming for her, she has help 24/7. She's made friends, they get her involved in activities, she's happy.
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I totally understand. Get a journal and write out your thoughts, feelings and fears. It does help. There are so many days I go sit in the chapel or out in my car in the parking lot and sob like there's no tomorrow because I'm so sad at leaving my Dad alone in the nursing home. If I could win the lottery and take him back home to live out the rest of his days, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Until then, he's in the best place for him. I often feel better once I've cried. Then I go home and write it out in my journal. Once it's out there, my heart feels lighter and I can face the rest of whatever is going on.
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is it better to tell your recently admitted father who has dementia (recently admitted to dementia ward in nursing home) that he is there permanently or let him think it is temporary... even if he does keep asking about eventually leaving? which is better? they started to tell him this is his home now and he is in deep depression..
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crazycat1962, I suggest getting some counselling, to help you determine what changes you want to make, and how to go about it. Clearly the path you are on now is not satisfying to you. Something has to change. Please get some help in figuring this out. You are a loving, caring, worthwhile, unique individual. You deserve a chance at growth and happiness.
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MY MOM SUFFERED STROKE 1 YEAR AGO IN JUNE. THERE ARE 4 OF US. I AM THE YOUNGEST AT 50 YRS OLD- AFTER HER STROKE MOM AGE 87 HAD TO GO LIVE IN A NURSING HOME- I DID VISIT EVERYDAY AND HAD TO LISTEN TO HER CRY AND BEG TO GO HOME EVERYDAY. AFETR 3 MONTHS OF THIS I GOT THE BRIGHT IDEA TO QUIT MY JOB AND CARE FOR HER MYSELF IN HER HOME THAT SHE LOVES SO MUCH AFTER 2 MONTHS OF DOING THIS BY MYSELF I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO GO INSANE- MY SIBLINGS DID NOT HELP-I AM A VERY CARING PERSON AND VERY CLOSE TO MY MOM- SO AFTER 2 MONTHS I HAD TO MAKE THE HARDEST DECISION OF MY LIFE AND PUT HER BACK IN A NH- SHE HATES IT AND COMPARES IT TO A PRISON-SHE CAN NOT WALK- I GO TWICE A DAY AND FIND MYSELF STILL HAVING TO CARE FOR HER BECAUSE THE NURSING HOME NEVER HAS ENOUGH HELP ! MY LIFE HAS SLOWLY SPUN OUT OF CONTROL AND I CANNOT FIND A JOB- IM THERE FOR HER TWICE DAILY AND HAVE NOT MISSED ONE NIGHT PUTTING HER TO BED. I AM DEPRESSED AND SO TIRED... BUT THANKFUL THAT I STILLL HAVE HER TO TALK TO- I FEEL SOOO GUILTY THAT SHE IS IN A NH- MY SIBLINGS ARE 20 YEARS OLDER AND ONLY VISIT MAYBE ONCE A WEEK FOR 30 MIN.-I RECENT THEM BUT KNOW THAT THESE ARE MY CHOICES AND I CHOSE TO GO TWICE A DAY- I NEED TO CHANGE SOME THINGS BUT DONT KNOW HOW-MY LIFE IS CONSUMED BY THIS- I HAVE CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN I FEEL THAT I AM NEGLECTING- I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NO LIFE-I LOVE MY MOM WITH ALL MY HEART BUT THIS SITUATION HAS LEFT ME FEELING HOPELESS.....
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Thank you for your post! I really needed all the input! Jojo
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