I moved 600 miles to live with my aging mom...and have been faithful to her for almost two intense years with a dozen serious hospital stays, an inpatient rehab stay, and now bed-bound care for several months. We have hired 24 nurse's aides to care for her but I am still going crazy with all the perimeter care she needs. I have 3 siblings helping but two live out of state. The one living near by has serious mental health issues that cause me unbelievable stress as she sabotages the care I give, the planning I do, the decisions I make. I am about to snap. I keep trying to tell my two rational siblings I can't do this any longer; nursing home isn't an option is what I'm told......and the demands continue. I am trying to learn about setting boundaries So I don't get bitter and hateful............but nothing seems to regenerate me any more. I miss my old life - my husband and I see each other about 3 times a year as traveling is expensive and he has limited time away from work. I work part - time outside of the nearly full time work with my mom, but can barely function at work. The job is mundane and way below my training level, strategically chosen so I had the energy to continue caring for my mom, as well as so I can earn some money to pay bills and the mortgage on my house (husband lives in it still; can't join me due to work). All I can say is now I feel FORCED into this role; it has been ok - no, really a gift - to have the time with my mom, but at some point it is ridiculous to upkeep her huge home (my dad is dead; they made no downsizing efforts at all)..........and to do her care, direct her nurse's aide team, try to lead my own life, etc. I am starting to feel like I deserve to get paid for caring for her. I feel really guilty about that as one of the siblings (mental health one) is the one we have to watch about misuse of my mom's money. I have tried and tried to talk with my siblings...but they tell me it's not about my needs, but about mom's. Easy to say when they have their own homes to go to but I have to stay in the house with my mom that has constant people and disruptions in it. I can't eat half the time. I need my space, privacy, a day without all the nagging and stuff to do...it's not my home. It's my mom. I want to be her daughter and am left feeling like her parent, as well as left to feel guilty and shamed by caregivers who demand stuff that I just can't do, or am too spent and burned out to do (nothing that impedes my mother's safety/health). I feel like I am going to have a nervous break down and no one will listen. I have a chronic health problem that is invisible; it makes my energy low and I know that..............and at some point I want to ask why my mom's needs and demands are always to come first? I know it's our family system/dynamics but I just can't do this much longer. I don't know what to do. I can't abandon her. But all i want to do is leave.