Follow
Share

I've been caring for my aunt's 88-year-old mother (we'll call her "A") since April. She's almost completely wheelchair bound (she's able to stand long enough to transfer to and from a bedside commode, her bed, and her recliner with some assistance) due to arthritis in her knees. Other than that and high blood pressure, she's physically healthy. Her cognitive faculties are fully intact (no dementia), but her behavior is starting to make me feel crazy, and I'm worried I'm going to snap.


She's extremely dramatic. She bursts into tears at the slightest thing: an ant on the kitchen counter, forgetting to put something on the grocery list, a slight power flicker during a thunderstorm. And she's constantly making the most annoying noises: she'll make random whimpering sounds throughout the day (at first I'd ask her if she was okay and she always said yes; now I don't respond), but the big show she puts on is when she's being transferred. She starts panting, whining, gasping, grunting, and just having the biggest fuss. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me. Initially I tried to comfort her because I figured it was bad anxiety. Now I've realized it's all an act for attention.


"A" is able to transfer herself to and from her bed and the portable commode during the night and her afternoon naps without assistance, and when she's alone, she does this without a fuss. I know this because I've been outside her door, heard complete silence, then entered her room to see her lowering herself onto the toilet. And the second I step into the room, the theatrics start. Also, she doesn't make these sounds in front of certain friends of hers, or in front of random strangers who come in to fix the A/C or pest control or whatever.


I figured that if I ignored these undesirable behaviors, she'd stop. But she's still going strong. I can't voice my concerns or frustrations with her because she'll throw a tantrum and lash out. She honestly acts like a three-year-old and it drives me nuts because she's fully aware of what she's doing. She will scream and yell at people when she doesn't get her way. Yelling is a huge trigger for me, as I have PTSD from abuse, so I tiptoe around "A" to avoid setting her off.


Then there's the incessant complaining and negativity. Nothing's ever good enough for her. Everything is AWFUL and she's just waiting to die. Despite the fact that all of her needs are being met, she thinks her life is oh-so-terrible. I bend over backwards to please her and it's just never good enough (food's too cold; I gave her the wrong color washcloth, I gave her a teaspoon instead of a tablespoon, etc).


I've tried discussing these issues with my aunt ("A"'s daughter), but not a whole lot is being done (my aunt lives hundreds of miles away and can only visit occasionally). I literally care for "A" around the clock… the only time I have off is Fridays, from 9:00am to 6:00pm, when a substitute caregiver comes in. That's it. I live in "A"'s house rent-free and get paid $200 a week in exchange. The main problem is my family's lack of money for other caregivers. I moved in with "A" not only to ease that financial burden on my family, but also because I was fleeing a toxic relationship and had nowhere else to go. I'm currently searching for a job that will allow me to get away during the day and hopefully save up enough to get my own place and move out. But I feel so guilty because my family is in such a financial bind. I hate that I feel so intensely angry at "A", because I know she's genuinely unhappy. But she's very stubborn and resists all suggestions to help (such as increasing her pain medications, seeing a therapist, etc). If this were dementia, I'd be less irritated. But honestly she's in control of her actions and knows exactly what she's doing. I am sympathetic to her situation and do care about her, but I'm honestly close to my breaking point. Any advice is much appreciated.

Find Care & Housing
OK.
DITCH THE GUILT!!

You are being paid peanuts to be on call 24/7 and to take abuse too. Your family is abusing you by making you feel you are 'necessary' for aunty to abuse.

OF COURSE aunt's daughter doesn't have time to discuss this--if she does, she'd maybe actually have to step up and DO something, and sending a little check is so much easier.

It is good that you escaped a toxic relationship--into another one. Not as bad, I warrant, but you, my dear, are certainly being abused here.

The fact aunty can move herself and function when not being observed speaks volumes.

Keep looking for the job and saving every cent you can to get out of there.

PTSD is nothing silly or unusual to deal with. I do. It's awful. Triggers that get me going will start a panic attack and I am just too darn old for it anymore. Can you afford some therapy? Are you on meds to help deal with flashbacks? As long as you live with this toxic woman, you're not going to heal.

Oh, and your FAMILY'S financial woes are NOT your problem. The main problem ISN'T the family's lack of money, it's that they don't see a problem. You're there, problem solved.

May I ask how old you are? And what kind of job you are looking for? Do you have friends to lean on during the transitional period of leaving the aunt's care?

Get your ducks in a row and give notice that as of XXX day you will NOT be available to work for them. And follow through.

Believe me, you're tougher than you think.

{{HUGS}}
Helpful Answer (18)
Reply to Midkid58
Report
DollyMe Aug 1, 2019
I third what MidKid said!
(5)
Report
See 1 more reply
I second what MidKid says!
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
Report

This is a bad job and a job for which you are not being well paid. I am not saying that it is not money, as I would be loathe to part with 800.00 a month at present; it would seriously impair my own living funds. But it is not enough to be on call 24/7. You do have a place to live, but it is more a jail cell that you cannot leave. The Government would give you a bed and three squares, as well, and keep you just as jailed. Time to give notice. Two months is reasonable. Then work on getting a job and your own place to live. I couldn't do this. And to be frank I cannot even imagine who could. That is not to say the woman isn't right. Her life is a nightmare. One of the circles of Hades in my book and I would much rather be dead. There isn't any upside coming for her. She won't "grow out of this". The end of life is often a cruel slow slide, and nothing to be "happy about". I wouldn't ask "happiness" of anyone in her circumstances. The best to be hoped for is acceptance and an attempt at grace. So sorry, but you need to take care of your own needs now for a job and housing. This isn't working.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report
Sunshinestate Aug 1, 2019
Thank you for your reply.

Yeah, the money issue is definitely less than ideal. It's just that the cost of living is so high where I live with this woman, and her insurance (Medicare, I believe) won't pay enough for a professional caregiver. My aunt is trying to get more benefits, but the process has been so slow.

I do feel trapped, but not nearly as trapped as I was before (living with a jealous, manipulative, controlling partner). I'm not expecting "A" to be a happy ball of joy; the aging process seems like a slow torture! But to constantly moan and cry about things and then not be willing to make an effort to improve them - that gets me (for example, she'll cry about her knee pain, but refuses to take more than Tylenol even though her doctor has offered something a little stronger). I feel bad that she's obviously hurting and unhappy, but I myself used to suffer from terrible depression, and I made it a point not to talk about my misery 24/7.
(4)
Report
See 1 more reply
You said you have abuse in your past and was in an abusive relationship. I'm sorry those things are part of your life. It's hard to cope with.

But it sounds like you're being abused still... by this woman and by other family members who figure you're the best person to put up with this woman's craziness. They're using you as their dumping ground for all the crap they don't want to do, and just because they (barely) pay you doesn't negate their dumping on you.

I think by now you know you deserve better and can do better. Make your goal to get yourself out of this situation. You have a lot of life ahead and it can be so much better!
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to LoopyLoo
Report
Sunshinestate Aug 1, 2019
Thank you for your kind words. I feel like I attract toxic people, and I think it's due to the fact that I have never had the nerve to stand up for myself.

It's hard to think of this situation as being abusive because it's not like "A" hits me. She's not physically violent. And as long as she gets her way and isn't challenged, she's relatively kind (just very, very whiny and negative).

I try to view this situation as a means to an end. I know I need to leave eventually for graduate school (starting next fall). The issue is that I don't have the means to move out just yet. Hence why I'm looking desperately for a new job!
(3)
Report
See 1 more reply
I am assuming your Aunt is an Aunt by marriage since her Mom is not your Grandmom.

It sounds like to me Aunts Mom is on the boarder of Dementia or she has a problem family isn't aware of. A person in their right mind does not get upset over the things you listed.

You do what you need to do for you.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
Sunshinestate Aug 1, 2019
That's correct; she's my aunt by marriage.

I don't think it's dementia; her memory seems fine. My aunt said that she's always been a negative, whiny person. Based on my background in psychology, I'm thinking it's an untreated, undiagnosed personality disorder (likely histrionic or borderline).

Thank you for your response!
(2)
Report
I always think that a full grown adult human being that wants to act like a spoiled 3 year old should be treated like one.

1st off if she can transfer with no help, stop helping her transfer. Leave the area when she needs to transfer. No audience, no performance.

2nd if she starts the whining, you can whine back. It stops young children almost 100% of the time. It is the wrong response and they just don't know what to make of it.

Your family can not pay you based on how expensive rent is where you moved to be her caregiver. They need to pay you at least minimum wage for 40 hours weekly through a payroll service so that you are contributing to your retirement by paying into social security.

I used to work with a woman that was a whining, negative difficult human to be around, one day I had had enough and I asked her if she wanted some bread and cheese with that? She was clueless so I asked her if she wanted some bread and cheese with her whine. She didn't whine around me much after that, but I asked her every time she did. I shocked her enough to change her attention seeking, nail scratching behavior.

Best of luck. I so understand how it makes life difficult and the days so very looooooooonnnnnnngggg.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report
TaylorUK Aug 2, 2019
You were generous offering the cheese, I always thought bread went with wine. If person A is not suffering from a mental disease which I would be very surprised if turned out to be the case then the matching return behaviour as one does with a tantrumming 2-3 year old sounds one way of letting off steam. My reverse tantrum might well be a scream at the top of my voice however.
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
Tell them you need to leave & give notice to find a caregiver for A ...A is at risk with you there. You are not cut out for this. Sorry to be so blunt, but this is not for you.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to CaregiverL
Report
lealonnie1 Aug 1, 2019
You've got it backwards.....I think Sunshine is at risk with A there, personally.
(5)
Report
See 2 more replies
Have you tried shouting back? Or mimicking the "panting, whining, gasping, grunting" etc? It might shock her into stopping. Or help you feel better anyway. You don't have to be the bunny that never shouts back - not when this lady is clearly doing it quite deliberately.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to MargaretMcKen
Report

So you've jumped from the frying pan into the fire......going from one toxic relationship right into another. It sounded like a good plan with A but it's not working out and you, my dear, deserve so much more than what you've been getting. Ditch the guilt too, because It is certainly NOT your job to take care of this woman, nor is the financial situation your problem! It is YOUR TURN now to carve out a healthy and happy life for yourself so make it so. The drama this woman is heaping on you is absurd. My 92 year old mother thrives on drama to the point my husband coined an acronym for it: ADATT....All Drama All The Time. If there is a dull moment, God forbid, mother will cook up a hot mess of drama just for chits and giggles. It's exhausting for everyone trying to deal with it, I know. I call these people Energy Vampires because they suck the life out of you after 10 minutes of exposure, right? They want to lure us into their pity party with all those histrionics day in and day out. It's sickening really.

Make plans to get out of there asap and don't look back. Good luck!
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report

If she is doing this all the time then irrespective of not having dementia or of you thinking she has cognitive function she is suffering from some form of mental illness. Diarise every incident that occurs (sorry I know that will make work for you but it will be worth it). Then make her an appointment with a geriatric psychiatrist. Tell them you are looking for either a diagnosis of what is wrong with her or a white coat lecture on stopping being such a childish attention seeker who will have to go into a facility as they cannot behave in normal society. Alterntively if you think there is no chance of mental illness ( and she does sound like a mental case to me) tell her you will be removing her to her room every time she behaves this way and push her chair out of your way - child on the naughty step method. You cannot prevent the behaviour getting to you and causing stress, but you can remove the cause from your presence.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to TaylorUK
Report

It isn't your fault that the rest of your family is short of the very substantial amounts of money that full time care costs.

You have done your bit, holding the fort for as long as possible.

If your pattern is anything like mine was, there is a cumulative effect to this. Partly, I'm sure you're right, A is a drama queen playing to the gallery (which is mostly you). But at the same time, your tolerance threshold for her behaviours has probably got lower and lower and is now somewhere deep underground - it's pure emotional wear-and-tear. There are techniques for stress management and for handling challenging behaviours which might help short-term; have you had a look around at anything like this?

How long, realistically, do you think it might be before you're able to move on? Having a plan with timescales attached to it, even if it's only theoretical, can help by showing you the light at the end of the tunnel.

Then, what's to be done about A? Okay, there's no money to spare; but that doesn't leave you as her only option. What is Aunt's official role? - does she have power of attorney for her mother? When is her next expected visit?
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Countrymouse
Report

Start saving up....
Plan a move out date......
Give 2 week notice and move out on that day.
In the interm get yourself a pair of noise canceling headphones and wear them or use earbuds and listen to an audio book or music.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Grandma1954
Report
Harpcat Aug 3, 2019
I love the noise cancelling headphones idea! Yes, make a show of putting them on right before you transfer her or whatever else she does to try and get your goat. When she asks what they're for, tell her so I can't hear your complaining and whining.
No sense on walking on eggshells if she doesn't care how she comes across to you. By the way, there are excellent books out there on how to create boundaries. I'm thinking you've had some issues with this as you stated. So if you can't afford a therapist, get a book or two and practice this essential part of self love and self care.
And you are obviously not cut out for caring for someone like this and that is OK. Not everyone is. So don't feel badly that you aren't. If some family member asks why you're leaving or tries to guilt you into staying, just tell them bluntly "I found this isn't by calling." End of story and leave it hanging there. Repeat the phrase as necessary. No need to go into ANY further details.
(0)
Report
I would sit her down and give her an ultimatum. Tell her that you are no longer going to tolerate her behavior. Let her know that if she does not immediately stop this behavior (be specific) then you are going to move out and she will have to find someone else to care for her. Let her know that your next call is going to be to her sister.

Then call your aunt and tell her the same thing. Do not let your aunts guilt, shame or bully you into making you change your mind. If your aunt does not believe things are as bad as they are tell her to come make a visit. If she does I recommend you take a vacation, go somewhere and leave your aunt to be her full-time caregiver. Don't let your aunts guilt you by saying we can't afford full-time caregivers or a long-term care facility. That's not your problem! If they are that concerned about the money they will have to make sure the behavior stops.

You must be ready to do what you say you are going to do! If the behavior does not stop you must leave.

Take your life back, your aunt is taking advantage of your kindness. Your family does not believe you will make a stand because of your financial situation. You deserve to be treated with with respect! No matter what happens I believe you need a break. I would tell your aunt that she needs to make arrangements, if she is not coming up to visit to for someone to take over so you can take a much need break. You cannot help anyone if you don't take care of yourself.

I wish you the best!
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to cjwilson
Report
Williemae Aug 3, 2019
You are absolutely correct.
(0)
Report
I'm getting tired of hearing our group whining when we are experiencing infantile behaviors by the senior in care. Our attitude in the commentary is sounding critically judgmental in attitude and energetically abusive. As the primary caregiver and relationship, that person always gets the crap from the ailing one, particularly if there is a dementia... and there are so many ways dementia manifests most insiduously. Matching infantile behavior only lowers the bar. Yelling at infantile behavior never yields a good result. Threatening to leave, deny your help or any number of punitive actions and ultimatum's is nasty to hang over anyone's head, regardless of what you are getting from them. Not an excuse. Use your head. Make a game plan. List exactly what all the problems are. List 3-4 solutions for each problem, including no action, which is an action. If the problem can't be resolved by adjustments you make on site, or accepted that things are what they are, then you must change your physical location. Be the problem solver. Stay and Be Kind.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to cwinter
Report
Riley2166 Aug 3, 2019
I have learned the hard way in life from personal experiences, there are people that can be and are willing to be caretakers and others who cannot or won't for valid reasons. You can't mix oil and water. My firm belief is I care not why this or that happens. It is NOT acceptable and I will NOT allow it to damage and destroy my life. They must be made to stop and live with certain guidelines, etc. If that turns out to be impossible, then face the facts - they lived their lives and now it is your turn. You don't deserve what is being done to you and you can't fix them. There are times in life where one has to be strong and say enough is enough - I can do no more. Then you find a place to have them live where they can be cared for with people who can handle them. Don't feel guilty or evil - you are doing what is right. Don't let others try to stop you or judge you. Start living in peace which can't be done with people like this in your environment.
(5)
Report
See 1 more reply
This was like reading about my mom! So I understand and empathize with you.

First, you stated money is tight, so you may want to check out Elder Care Services or Behavioral Health Services in your location, as, as "A" may be qualified to receive free services. Mostly a mental health counselor. Both of my elderly parents have counselors, who help tremendously. This doesn't mean she has to be mentally ill, it just means she can get some help talking with a professional counselor. My mom acts in much the very same way and she actually likes the counselor and their time together.

Secondly, her counselor has helped her to find activities where she feels she is doing something productive and feels productive. This not only helps my mom and keeps her mind off of the dramatics, but it helps those who have to care for her. She feels like she has some purpose.

Also my mom felt like she had no control over anything, so she was acting out. So her counselor helped her and us to find ways and activities that she found have control over those choices.

If a counselor is not readily available, perhaps find activities where she can make choices herself and feel like she is in control.

Hope this helps and please know there are those of us who completely understand!
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Pstracy
Report

I love the noise cancelling headphones idea! Yes, make a show of putting them on right before you transfer her or whatever else she does to try and get your goat. When she asks what they're for, tell her "so I can't hear your complaining and whining." Sadly old age can often change unpleasant people into even worse unpleasant people. The old adage is that if they were {insert trait here} then it will be amplified when they are elderly.
No sense on walking on eggshells if she doesn't care how she comes across to you. By the way, there are excellent books out there on how to create boundaries. I'm thinking you've had some issues with this as you stated. So if you can't afford a therapist, get a book or two and practice this essential part of self love and self care. 
And you are obviously not cut out for caring for someone like this and that is OK. Not everyone is. So don't feel badly that you aren't. If some family member asks why you're leaving or tries to guilt you into staying, just tell them bluntly "I found this isn't by calling." End of story and leave it hanging there. Repeat the phrase as necessary. No need to go into ANY further details.

(0)
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Harpcat
Report

Write her a short note that tells her 1) that you do understand that she doesn't like her circumstances 2) that the constant fussing and complaining feels like she is blaming you for her condition 3) that her behavior distresses you so much you are truly planning to leave if it does not stop. Add that you know she can control this because she does a good job of this around other people.

Keep a copy for yourself. You may have to give it to her again later. You may also need it to clarify any misrepresentation she might do later.

Consider that the constant sounds might be a "screen saver" for a vacant mind. My mother chewed gum and sucked her teeth loudly. It made me irritated. Try giving her chores, folding laundry, knitting or crocheting baby hats to donate, audiable books.

Good luck.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to pipruby
Report

As you have realized, "A" uses this behavior to get attention. Social isolation is an issue for older folks. She probably needs more interaction with people: faith community, YMCA programs, community-based activities, adult day programs... She may have depression or anxiety disorder. Please have her evaluated by her physician or geriatric psychiatrist. Mood elevating medications may help.

You need to have a plan for your life: job that sustains your life, maybe school, time for friends and a social life... $200 a week is not enough for the care you are generously providing. Having a goal and a date to meet that goal will make putting up with Auntie's behavior a little more bearable. Part of your goal may also include talking to family about an exit strategy for you and different types of care for "A" when you are financially back on your feet.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Taarna
Report

First of all, I don't care WHY she is behaving this way - it cannot continue and the effect on you is horrific. You cannot be soft and nice to people like this. I would really tell her in the most firm way possible that her behavior is going to stop at once or you will have her removed and placed into a facility whether she likes it or not. There is help out there for people who don't have money - you just need time and effort to find it. Never tip toe around her because of what has happened to you in the past - it won't work. Tell her to stop or else and be prepared to back it up. Let her scream and rant and rave. When she does, just walk out, don't go back for a while and do not speak to her, just ignore her, do nothing for her. Act as if she does not exist. When you can't take it much more, again let her have it - stop or else. She will soon get the picture that she must behave. In the meantime, keep doing all you can to find your own place, even if it is just a room. You have to get away from her. In the meantime, speak to aging offices and the medical people that you are being harmed by her and it is affecting you and you can no longer handle it. I do not think legally you have any obligation to her whatsoever. You must start thinking of you first. She does not deserve compassion or kindness.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Riley2166
Report
DizzyBritches Aug 8, 2019
I agree. Run, Sunshine, run! Make a plan and make it happen. Your resources aren’t unlimited, and you’ve done what you can. Time to quit.
(0)
Report
Her "attention grabbing" tactic is working. Either learn to ignore it (someone said noise canceling headphones) or change her living conditions because you say you may not be able to go on.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Llamalover47
Report

When you look at the whole situation I wouldn’t try “ reasoning” w A or any other relatives. I believe your best route is to put an escape plan in place & then give notice to all relevant family members that as if a specific date ( 1 month?) they will have to have other arrangements in place for A’s care. You are not the one primarily responsible for her. Others are. They’ve been very lucky to have your help w her for this long. It’s over. You have every right to move on - and create a life for yourself that is based on freedom joy & growth- not based on guilt & need ( A’s , the family’s or your own) You can do this - and it’s OK to do this! It’s not wrong to go for joy & health! I wish you luck & strength & clarity! ❤️
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to dlucas
Report
SnoopyLove Aug 4, 2019
I agree. Time to move on.
(0)
Report
My instinct would be to save myself and my sanity. She is making your life miserable. Let the family get someone else who’ll work off the books. They will manage. You put in your time. You tried. What else can they asked.
When you have the money saved up, escape from this soul-sucking hell. In the meantime, remember that this won’t be forever, and do whatever seems best FOR YOU whenever she starts throwing a tantrum. If you need to step out, step out. Maybe it will make her wonder what you’re up to. 😉
Best of luck for an (eventually) happy future, my dear.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to DizzyBritches
Report

Make an escape plan and work on it ....light at the end of the tunnel.  And you build momentum once you are moving off center.  As for any attempt to discuss this with family - the problem is that this is entirely your right to decide to leave and it is not up for discussion. Sometimes, discussing comes across as asking for permission.  You do not need to ask for their permission and they will manage OK when they have to.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to rovana
Report

NPD. Explains everything, even the noises. She can’t and won’t get better. look at Facebook page caregivers of narcissistic parents. This has helped me finally understand my 92 year old father and he has gone into a care home so I can try and rebuild my life. Good luck
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Stripeysheriff
Report
Sunshinestate Aug 8, 2019
She doesn't think highly of herself, which is a huge trait of NPD. But I think she does have another personality disorder within the same cluster (B), probably histrionic or borderline. Glad you're rid of your NDad. Narcs are horrible to deal with. Thanks for the response!
(0)
Report
Has anyone applied for Medicaid for her? She could be eligible for professional care paid for by Medicaid.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to NaySquared
Report
Sunshinestate Aug 8, 2019
Yes, but they're taking FOREVER.
(2)
Report
I'm sure many tips and support here (I do not have time to read them all now).
It is important to:
1. Understand that it is the disease 'talking,' not the essence of the person.
If you can understand or get this in the midst of these episodes, it may help you not get plugged in.
2. Believe you deserve to take care of yourself.
3. Learn to give yourself time outs - from 1-30 minutes to hours or half-day or days, as you can.
4. Find or put in place 'back-up' plans so when these things happen, you will have options (from leaving, calling someone, taking a break, exercising or meditating before you start work. Self-care may be supported by reaching out to others (who you can talk to, exercise with, go to a movie with, etc.)
5. Do not argue or try to reason situations. Show empathy and compassion. Then stop talking. Do not allow yourself to continue in the 'loop' - Say, I'm sad you feel this way . . . and do what you need to do. Do not engage in this negativity.
6. Give yourself credit for asking the question here, knowing you are not alone and in VERY GOOD company.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to TouchMatters
Report

Your situation is going to drive you crazy if you don't get relief. You gotta stop feeling guilty about the situation.
Try showing her just how good she is doing by sharing
and showing her someone else is worse than her. Use reverse physcolgy. If screaming affects you, then ask her
does it make her feel better. I would say Great Auntee. I
think I will try that to see if I feel better. I would scream. Show her the behavior. Meaning let her see herself. When she complains then tell her that her actions are the same. Always continue to be nice. There are some people worse.
Avoid as much as possible, but never let her know
she irritates you. She need to acknowledge that and explain to her that she makes matters worse for her life by her actions. You would love to see her happy and love her so much. Then find out the what and how that could change he attitude and make her happy. She don't have dementia, she just unhappy with her life. Have her to do things for herself as much as possible and brag and praise her when she does. Always encourage her for doing things as much as possible. ( My mom have dementia, when I tell her your go girl, you put your own pants on. You just fooling me trying to get me to do it. I encourage her to do more and she try.) You my dear, need to pick a book in bible. Psalms would be great and start reading a Chapter or two a day. One in the morning and one at bedtime. Pray and
ask God for directions and blessing in your situation and help you deal with the situation. If you trust and believe and
stay prayful it will get better. Listen to him when he speaks to you. I pray and share all thru the day. Find something you enjoy doing like soaking in bubble bath. Relaxing or meditate on something special at least 30 minutes a day. Cast all your burdens and heavy laden heart upon him. He
will give you peace. We have not because we ask not.
I PROMISE, if you connect with God, you life will turn around and be grateful when it does, I know it will. I make
a practice of not telling people something I have not experienced. Talk to God, like you talk to a friend, he is
greater than a friend. Be Blessed and try it for yourself.
Be sure you have faith, and belief. He knows everything.
He waiting on you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Williemae
Report

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter