Feel like a punching bag, advice?

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Feel like a punching bag, advice?

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You need to find ways to deal with your father's - and probably sister's - inappropriate behavior when it happens. I suggest that you need to start setting boundaries. Please consider reading any of the "boundary" books by Townsend and Cloud. They outline a good plan for dealing with problem behaviors. You might want to consider a few sessions with a therapist as your make your "boundary plan" and implement it. It helps to have objective and supportive input from a professional.

Your father also appears to be experiencing a lot of anxiety and frustration. He is probably scared and it trying to exert control over his circumstances. Unfortunately, he has decided in his mind that you are responsible when actually it was his weakness and fall that caused his rehab stay. Please talk to his doctor about evaluation for dementia and mental health issues. He might benefit from a mild anti-anxiety medication while you are also implementing your "boundary plan."

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To be frank I don't bother to try to communicate with toxic people. It never works. Step away from the sister and from Dad as well when the behavior is bad. A matter of "Sorry I have an appointment" or "Sorry; need to leave the phone. Bathtub overflowing". Said often enough they will get the hint. As to their being angry? Apparently that is their "go to setting" so it matters very little. Save yourself. You are worth saving.

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I think the person not understanding what is involved with Dementia is your sister. Tell her at this point there is nothing you can do. Dad is in Rehab for a reason. His doctors felt thats where he needs to be. The AL may not allow him to return unless he does rehab.

Time to step back. Don't visit as often and if he gets started say goodbye. If he calls, don't answer. The Caregiver always gets the nasty side.

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My sister is like "oh, he's funny now, he just wants to talk about Jesus and stuff that happened thirty years ago!" Meanwhile every day he's telling me I've ruined his life and he wishes he was dead because I made him go to the rehab. But she's five states away.

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Dementia is a no-win situation for ALL concerned; for you and for dad. That said, in my opinion, you ARE being treated like a punching bag & you don't have to stick around to be bruised. Tell dad you're happy to visit with him but that when he starts yelling, you'll be leaving. That's what I do with my mother who has dementia, and she understands in short order that I mean business. I also say goodbye on the phone if she starts ranting & raving, and let her know I'll speak to her when she's in a better mood. I suggest you do the same with dad.

If he winds up making no progress in rehab, Medicare will stop paying for his stay and he'll be released back to his ALF IF he's in good enough shape to go back. If not, they'll recommend he stay in their long term care section of the nursing home instead. It's really up to HIM how things turn out.

Wishing you the best of luck taking care of YOURSELF in addition to helping dad.

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That's what I say to him — you are in charge here, if you do your PT and get stronger you can go back to the AL, it's not up to me.

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Feel like a punching bag, advice?

34 Answers

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