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I feel like I am going nowhere...like a hamster on a wheel. Between working a full time job and a part time job, taking care on Mom including her medicines and finances, and my daughter, her son and now my step daughter and her husband moving in, I am finding there aren't enough hours in the day. Hubby and I are tempted to move in with Mom (we are,there every night anyway) and leaving the house to the kids. Days like today I feel like there is no end in sight. I have noticed a huge drop in Mom's mental and physical condition in the past month.

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Mmmm. I usually feel like I'm trying to run on a broken treadmill that won't stop and I'm responsible for fixing it at the same time. Between work and home and a constant barrage of paperwork in both places - unfortunately too much still on actual dead tree paper and not digital yet ...ARRGH!!

I managed to pull the plug on some unauthorized spending on my tab by family members, but have not yet managed to pull the plug on lazy a** behavior that leaves me doing not only a full time plus job that supports everyone but also the lion's share of the housework, bill paying - and organizing- which I am the least well-suited to do.
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Take time to stop and think. Find someone to look after your mom for a couple of days and have you and your hubby escape -anywhere --alone for two days. You need to change your environment to see where you really are. I have been in those situations and unless you get off the hamster wheel and really look at where you are going, you will not be able to see clearly and begin breaking the unhealthy patterns. I know it sounds harsh, but despite all of your responsibilities...you owe yourself and your husband the most. BEFORE your health breaks from strain and stress....look at your situation and make the tough decisions to save yourself. When you get back talk to your mom's doctor, and find out exactly what is going on. Good luck ..hugs!
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Putting...not outing!!
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You are right, we are enablers. We plan on having a big sit down discussion with all if them and let them know what we expect from all if them. And if they don't like it, then leave. I have a hard time outing myself first but I am trying. Thanks everyone
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SavingGranny, I say this as gently as I can. To hope that they realize you and hubby work and relax is somewhat naïve, particularly since you state that you and your husband are problem fixers. That says it all....as long as you're there to fix their problems, they're not going to develop self reliance and grow up.

I don't mean to be cruel, but it's time to recognize that part of the reason you feel like a hamster is because of your own willingness to be that hamster, as Maggie as aptly puts it.

You're also enablers.
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Judging by your responsibilities, you ARE a hamster in a wheel.

Stop it. There's no shortcut to heaven. Learn to say no.
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Dang it, wasn't finished with my post. They are going to help financially and hope that the house stays clean. Hubby and I are the ones who fix problems for all the kids.
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They are living with us because they can't afford their own places. My daughter and her son were living elsewhere but she moved back in January and is trying to save money to get their own place. Step and hubby just moved in last weekend. Step daughter is not working nor going to school. I hope that they realize that we work and would like to relax at the end of the day.
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You are taking on too many people! I can barely look after two. I agree with Garden artist - and if there is no other solution ( like the kids cannot afford a place) then by all means move in with your mom so you will only be looking after ONE - instead of several.
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Um, why are your daughter & son and stepdaughter and husband moving in with you? Are they unable to afford their own place? Are all of them except the son working?

If so, then I would expect that they're going to help with EVERYTHING that needs to be done in your house as well as help with your caregiving tasks. If they're not working, that's even more justification for them to assume major responsibility for household tasks.

I'd be making up a list of what chores they can assume and have it ready before they even move in.

Accepting 3 adults and one child/teenager is too much to do without expecting that they're going to make financial and physical contributions, both for you and for your mother.
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You have your hands full savinggranny..... I do not envy that hectic life.... mine is more like "groundhog day', the movie... same old s**t every day, say the same things at the same time because I have her on a schedule.....Remember the old Chatty Cathy dolls, where you pulled the string on her back and she said the same things over and over.... that would be me... so what i am saying is.... I understand, as everyone here will.... you are not alone.... find some time to come here and let it all out.... great place to feel understood.... hugs to you.
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