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This has to do with my 94 year moms passing in March of this year. Now I feel that I have no family left, except a sister in Oregon who didn't care if my mother died or I die and wanted us out of her life. So be it. And I have some cousins that I hardly know on the east coast. I am in the Midwest and have lived in this area for 44 years! Had my career and retired in 2015 and my mother was my only family here. Now that she has passed on, I feel like a total stranger where I live. Anytime I drive around I feel like I don't want to be here anymore as it is all associated with my mother. My friends all live 15 miles north of where I am so I feel very isolated and unwelcomed almost. I don't know how to handle that feeling and what to do about it. An area that I have lived in for 44 years now seems strange and unfriendly to me. Any help will be most welcomed. Thanks!

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Oh, I'm so sorry. It sounds so hard. I have suffered many losses, but I cannot comprehend how I will survive the loss of my mother. She is 84, living at home with 24/7 care after a stroke last May, and in decent shape under the circumstances. But I see her growing weaker and it's terrifying. (My father passed away a long time ago and I am an only child.)

I know what you mean about associations. After my divorce 7 years ago, I stayed in our house, mostly so that our kids could have that stability and enjoy our very lovely block, with nice neighbors and kids, etc. My youngest is now in 10th grade and the deal with my ex is to sell this house when she graduates. I can't wait. For a long time, I didn't want to move, but now I really want to. While I am "over" my ex, staying here for so long has kept me from fully embracing a new chapter in my life, which I am eager to do.

Sorry - I digress. Of course it is not easy to just pick up and move to a new state, country, whatever. Can you take a trip somewhere for a week or two? It might help the healing/perspective a bit.
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Move, Move move. There was a sweet lady and her sweet mother on the street I lived, who went through the same thing. She fixed up the plumbing in her mom's house offered us anything we wanted from the house, put it on the market. Once it sold she moved to California, from Ohio

Another person we knew, he passed. His sons came to Ohio to sell his home, once it sold they went back to California.

I'm in the same situation, since my mom passed. Cleveland and Ohio don't feel the same anymore. Once I take care of a few things and her estate, Selling the house and moving out West. probably to Seattle.

Good luck to you and Sorry about your mom.
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Bloom, the whole world has changed for you. Everywhere will seem strange and unfriendly to begin with. It's all to do with loss, and adjusting. Dear lady, I do honestly think you're not giving yourself anything like enough time.

Ignore this question if it's uncomfortable. But I have noticed that in spite of her brutal attitude, your sister does still seem to occupy your thoughts quite a lot. And I wondered: have you spoken to her at all since your mother's passing?
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Dear Bloom,

I hear you. I struggle with that aspect of my dad's death as well. I know its shocking to have our beloved mom or dad in our life and then the next moment to realize they have passed. It is very hard to understand. We invested so much time and effort into their care, we just expected them to carry on. I still wish my dad could have remained me with me till he was 100 years old.

Everyone here has given so many kind and gentle suggestions. I'm glad you are considering volunteering. For myself, I still go to work every day. Baby steps is all I can handle. I try the odd class here and there, like Golden has suggested it takes time to make room for new things.

Sending you love and hugs and encouragement during this difficult time.
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bloom - you will be reminded of your mother where ever you are. It is part of grief. The fine line between life and death is incomprehensible. We can't get our hearts and minds around it.

You need to start making new memories - new places, new experiences, new friends... It takes work and time but you can do it. It is still very soon after your mum's passing. I think you are doing well. Meals on Wheels sounds great!
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Bloomschool, volunteering is great. I volunteer one morning a week at a local regional hospital and I go home feeling like I had helped so many people. In fact, the time shift is the same time shift and "job" that my late parents did for decades. It will put a smile on your face :)
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Thanks for all your answers. They given me some ideas. I think I want to volunteer for Meals on Wheels. And I am retired and on SS, so I have income, but make extra income as a musician. So I will push that aspect a little bit. And join a group of some sort. But its still hard because everywhere I go I am reminded of my mother. And I find it hard to understand how she passed on from one minute being healthy, seemingly so, to the next just falling over a cliff and dying. That fine line of health and illness that there is no turning back from. Just don't understand that.
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Dear Bloom,

I hear how you are feeling. Its only natural. Trying to figure out what to do next after caregiving is hard. I have the same feelings. I've lived in the same town all my life. Now that my dad has passed, I feel like quitting my job, selling the house and moving away. I think its hard to make connections at any age. But depending on your interests maybe try a MeetUp group in your area. Joining a book club, or dinner club, taking a few classes if that interests you. There are ways to connect with people so I hope you find something that interests you and go from there. I'm still struggling myself and its been almost 6 months since my dad passed. I think everything just takes time. And a lot is trial and error.
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Once my parents had passed I started talking more and more to two of my cousins. It's like we have reconnected and now are in constant contact. My cousins live many States away, have the same sense of humor [we don't talk politics as we are on opposite ends] but talking to them or e-mailing or writing [one has no computer] has given me a new connection.

Since my parents passing was recent, and I am an only child with no children, I found I am also getting a connection by doing my family tree. I just signed up on Ancestry.com and I have become obsessed with it :P It's fun learning of my past, the names of my grandparents siblings, and their parents, and their parents' parents and siblings and children.
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Would you feel better moving nearer your friends, who are 15 miles away? I think this is the time to really ask yourself what you want to be doing with the rest of your life. My mom is 97 and I have one brother many states away. When mom goes, I may move to a coast, to be near the ocean, I'm not sure. I also only have a couple of cousins I'm in touch with, but that's it for family. I never married or had children.

You can get involved with groups who share your values and beliefs to build more friendships and connections. That takes time but is worth it, I did it about three years ago and have three friends from that. Good luck and keep us posted on what you decide to do. This is a new beginning for you which can turn into something great if you do the work.
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I have known from the beginning that this is not a place I will stay. I have been making plans and implementing them too.

When Mom passes, I will finish off all the necessary issues and then I am gone.
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I feel the same way in my mother's city. I grew up here, but left for 35 years. Now it is not to my liking at all. There is nothing left for me here. When she dies I don't plan on staying in the city or even the state. There are places that I'd rather be.

Maybe your spirit is telling you it is time to move on to your new life. There are places to go and people to meet. There is lots that needs to be done. Hope you can find the right path soon.
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You are experiencing a false sense of isolation that comes from deep grieving. Hospice offers griefwork sessions or you could ask your doctor about counseling or medication.
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