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Hi...Well my mom has finally been accepted for a nursing home. She will go on Wednesday. I feel like I'm being selfish for wanting to live my own life and not have to care for her anymore. Is this normal.

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Mom is all settled in...She is doing great and seems very happy. This makes me feel much better. The guilt is still there but I'm doing ok with it. She is in a brand new facility and it is absolutely beautiful. Only a 3 minute drive from my home. Thanks everyone, you all helped the guilt feel not so bad as it was.
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I understand how you feel. I just took my dad to assisted living today. It has been a tough decision, my head knows its the right thing to do for his safety and 24/7 care as needed. Now if i can just get my heart to agree. My plan for the next couple weeks is to do a lot of the things i couldn't do while being his caregiver, like còoking food I couldn't with him here, being out of the house for more then an hour or two at a time, or as silly as it sounds running to grocery store at the time i would normally be wakeing him up, making sure he is dressing properly and changing his wet bed. I will still there to visit everyday and make sure all is going well with his care.
I hope what was said to me will help you as you get closer to her move.... once you are no longer dealing with the day to day stress of caregiver, it will be like getting your mom back. When you spend time with her it will be for conversations and social time. You will get to spend time with her without stress.
good luck as you move closer to moving days. You will shed a few tears, and doubt your decision more then once. Just remember like the old saying it takes a village to raise a child, it takes that same village to care for our parents as they age and can no longer care for themselves.
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Marie, what you're feeling is very normal. Just think, though -- she's going to be safe and happy...see a bunch of smiling faces every day to see to her needs...attend special programs once a week or so...make some friends...pick her meals from an abbreviated menu...see a magic show here and there...a singer rehearsing his craft...get her hair done regularly...and see Marie all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed pretty darned often. Bringing her some little surprises to brighten her days.

It'll be okay, Marie. What you've done for your mom so far is Pink Angel's Work. What you're doing for her now by making this difficult decision? That's the white one.
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I'm a long distance caregiver for my parents. They would never move 600 miles to my area and I decided long ago that I was not going to uproot my life and move back home to be a full time caregiver. Thankfully, my folks have never expected this from me, but I get the guilt pangs once in a while. I travel to check on things quite often and I know I'll be spending quite a bit more time with them as things worsen. You and I and our parents will get through this and knowing that we care and are doing our best for them, each in our own way, helps me carry on without the guilt.
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Thank you Rocknrobin
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These feelings are normal. The stress on a 24/7 caregiver is huge. Just remember, every 8 hours at a nursing home, fresh employees come on duty. So 3 people will be doing the job that you did. You aren't superwoman. No one is. You have done your best. That's all anyone can do. You aren't selfish. You are human. Bless your heart.
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