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I'm planning a small church wedding with my fiance and stepsons. I started crying b/c I wasn't able to help my dad walk again. I moved 5 years ago to be closer and help my dad. I really tried i believe in my heart but my dad always wanted to do 50 other things instead of therapy. He says he does. I know on one hand i'm not a failure but on the other my heart feels like i failed. Our chuch is small and one level so my dad can get in with his wheelchair. I'm the only girl and oldest. I'll be moving when i get a job about 2 hours away. I will still come see my dad. I'm able to go out once a week now. I'm 35 and for the first time after helping raise my youngest brother with my mom and then moving to help my dad - now having my own life. I've been in therapy for 2 years and its helped alot. but i still have this sadness in my heart.

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As your therapist has no doubt told you, you have no reason to feel guilty. You deserve your own life. You've given up a great deal already for your family. You tried to get your dad to therapy to help him walk, but you can't force him to do the work. He chose not to. If you wanted him to walk you down the aisle, could he roll down next to you? That's certainly been done before. He can still give you away.
Keep visiting when you can, help in any way that you can, but get on with your life. Please stay in therapy until you are certain you have gotten rid of the unearned guilt.
Best wishes,
Carol
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You have been a wonderful and caring daughter and gone above and beyond. As Carol said, you have no reason to feel guilty at all. Getting on with your life is important and vital to your well being. We can only do so much for our parents and they have to do the work to help themselves. Blessings on your upcoming wedding - and the beginning of a wonderful life; you deserve it.
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Congratulations on your upcoming marriage AND for moving ahead with your own life. We all feel sad for our ill parents, that's normal. What isn't normal is to forgo having a life of your own. You encouraged your father and he didn't take advantage of your help. There's nothing else you could've done. Visit him and help him when you can and make sure you tell him you love him. Now go have a wonderful life, you well deserve it!!!!!
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You all brought tears to my eyes!!! Thank you!!! My therapist has told me that and we are working on my guilt feelings. I made sure the church could accommodate him so he can still "walk" me down the asile. I do visit him and tell him i love him and try to help him where i can. and i'm glad to do that. but i won't give up all of my life. I love my family with all my heart and i try to be there for them. But i do realize i need to have my own life in order to be healthy. it really helps to say it outloud here. Thank you all so much!! It means more then you know. Hugs!!!
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Hi! I was blessed enough to find a job in the town my fiancé and his boys live. I have been here 4weeks. Dad is worried i'll never visit him (2hours away). I text him to just let him know i'm thinking of him. I am planning on going and spending sunday with him to catch up and do his bills. he is like he'll believe it when he see's it. i'm really enjoying being with my fiancé and boys. We are getting married in Sept. and putting the finishing touches on that. My dad called me drunk sat b/c he got the wedding invite. I know he wishes he could proudly Walk me down the aisle. Even though I told him I picked it so he can "roll" down next to me. In his mind its not good enough. he wanted to be walking by now. He's disappointed that i'm not going to have children of my own.
Im having a hard time in some ways. I used to go out once a week to help him, have dinner, ect. I'm enjoying not doing that but feel bad too. Just needed to talk it out here. Thanks!
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So glad to hear things are working out for you, "you deserve it", your Dad seems to be proud of his little girl...
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