Last time I saw Mom was Nov 2020. I brought her everything she asked for (Clothing). Mistook my visit for going home and lashed out at me: doesn't like/trust me, wished cancer on me. She turned 89 last month. I spoke with the director of Social Work at the home. She told me Mom didn't show any interest in calling home. I want to try to have a conversation with Mom, but I never know what to expect b/c her dementia. Her personality changes in the blink of an eye. I am feeling very alienated. I'm handling the monthly expenses alright. I need to apply for Medicaid and, after taking the matter under advisement, I will be going thru an Elder Law attorney.
I don't know how many of you ever watched "The Golden Girls," but I remember reading about Estelle Getty's life with dementia. She played Sophia Petrillo on the show. Her TV daughter, actress Bea Arthur, would visit her former co-star in Getty's nursing home. Getty did not remember who Bea Arthur was (that they were in a TV program together.) When Bea left, Estelle would say to her caretaker, "Wasn't she a nice lady?" Nursing homes in NYC are on lockdown now. It is extremely hurtful that Mom and I will never talk to each other anymore. Honestly, I would prefer Mom to forget what I look like and just talk to me as a "nice lady" who wants to talk to her or spend time with her. I'm single, an only child and have some good people in my building, but I don't have any friends. I feel like I've been sentenced to life in solitary confinement. Somebody--please say something. If "wrecked" is still out there, you and I are in the same boat.
I think it's important to let her know that even if she doesn't want to see you at the moment, you aren't abandoning her.
I write to my mother multiple times a week because I'm not allowed to visit her. She went in the hospital on Dec. 17, and I raced over to the ER with an oversized printed picture of my son and his fianceé who got engaged the night before. I begged the hospital staff to show her the picture and read the caption to her, because I knew she'd be happy if she knew.
She comes home to her MC tomorrow and will be put on hospice care. I may not get to be with her again, but I know somehow she's aware I didn't abandon her and never would. I kept the letters coming through all of this past year.
If you want more information about the challenges that you and your mother are facing. Click on Topics on the top right to your screen. You may find some solace in the problems like yours that so many others have face.
Lots of love and sympathy, Margaret
Don't think in terms of "never" and "forever". Think in terms of one day at a time because things DO change frequently with dementia. Some days are good and others are bad.
In the meantime, why not stay online with this forum. Many of us are in the same boat as you, not just one or two of us......but hundreds. Join a dating service and correspond with some interesting men your age. Put yourself out there and remove yourself from solitary confinement. Live your life to the fullest by putting one foot in front of the other.
Best of luck